- 3 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
So, my fiancé and I initially wanted to elope in the California Redwoods, just us two and a couple of friends, but we decided against it because both of our mothers were up in arms about the idea, especially mine. She called her sister (my aunt) immediately after I had casually mentioned that if I could have it my way we would elope, and I got an angry email from my aunt because she was “so upset shes not going to be included in the wedding!!!” And at this point… the “wedding” was all hypothetical, we weren’t even enaged yet!
Well, fast forward to now, we decided to have a small intimate ceremony in the redwoods with us and 10 of our closest family and friends, followed by dinner at a romantic restaurant that can’t accommodate parties larger than 12. i was excited for this! Everything sounded perfect! Until we told our families…
His side of the family thinks if we’re “going to do it that way” we should just go to the courthouse where THEY live (2 hours away from where we live) and feel “put out” because we chose a place that’s a 4 hour drive from them.
My mother has forced me to invite my aunt & uncle (who I do t even have a close relationship with) by chit chatting with her sister and making plans for them to come down together. So I’m very irritated by that, because there is 20% of my allotted guest list being filled by people I’m being made to feel obligated to include. My fiancé is NOT inviting any aunts, uncles, cousins etc. just his mom and sisters.
So today I had a huge blow out with my mom because she called me to tell me how my cousin would be SO HURT to not be invited therefore she was going to invite her. Uh… What? No. I see this cousin once a year. I’m not going to boot my best friend of 20 years so my cousin can come. Basically I told my mom she was forcing me to invite all of these people who I could honestly care less about being there. I want something INTIMATE for my fiancé and I. Not a production to please random extended family. She of course got upset and told me I need to “compromise”.
am I selfish for thinking, no, I do not need to compromise. I’m paying for it. It’s my wedding.
i ended up calling my mom back and apologizing for snapping, and explained to her that this entire wedding is a compromise to please HER, and that I would rather elope. I told her I was in control of the guest list and would appreciate it if she would explain to my aunt/uncle/cousin that we have limited seata and are only inviting immediate family, and then asked if she understood where I was coming froM. “Yes and no” was her answer. I asked for her to elaborate on the “no” and she said “we don’t HAVE to eat at that restaurant. We can go somewhere bigger.”
She just does not get it. Even if the restaurant sat 50 I would not want 50 there. This is the place I want my wedding dinner to be.
At this point I really just want to say screw it and elope for real, but she would probably implode.
How do I handle this?