Post # 1
hello bees! for my very first post, i’d like to ask how you have dealt with guests who complain about having to travel to get to your wedding.
my FI have many friends on both coasts. we booked a michigan venue for a variety of reasons, but it seemed like somewhat of a middle ground for those OOTs (obviously closer to east coast, but that’s where most people are coming from).
it’s still early in the game (we’re at least 6 months from sending out invitations), but i’ve already had several friends complain about having to fly somewhere for my wedding. of course, my very best friends would drop anything in a heartbeat and go anywhere to be part of my wedding, but it’s those brash good-but-not-best friends that are saying this. i know they’ll probably come, but i know they won’t necessarily do it happily. it’s almost hurtful to me because it seems like they are asking me to plan my wedding around them!! i’ve made my fair share of expensive trips to be at my friends’ weddings, so i feel their pain…but i would NEVER say those things straight to the bride or groom.
on top of that, because we couldn’t justify passing up $10,000 in savings for having a friday instead of a saturday wedding, we picked friday…i’m foreseeing even more complaining coming on.
so, how do i get them to stop? i’m already tired of hearing it!
Post # 3
Well, we picked a Michigan wedding because we’re both from MI. We want to have a wedding at home. Michigan is gorgeous all year round. I guess my love for MI is obvious.
What it comes down to is the fact that people will complain no matter where or when you get married. You just do what you gotta do. There’s no stopping the complaining; you just learn how to deal with it.
Post # 4
I ignore complainers. I HATE whining! I refuse to feed their complaining which seems to really bug them.
Post # 5
Tell them they have two options: accept or decline and that you’ll understand if they decline.
I swear, people will complain about anything, eh?
Post # 6
Other people should really have no say over where your wedding is. Especially since it’s not “destination” just for the sake of it, but rather a place you like that’s on equal ground. As far as the Friday thing goes, I totally get it (mine’s on a Sunday evening), but you are essentially telling people they have to miss work Friday, and some might not be able to. We looked at our guest list and decided that pretty much everyone would be able to miss a day of work, and that we felt bad, but it was necessary. For those who can’t/won’t, I (and you) just need to be understanding and gracious about the fact that they won’t be able to come.
Sounds like you’ll be left with only your true nearest and dearest, which should make for a great wedding!
Post # 7
@BanditGirl: Yup. “We’d love to have you with us, but we’ll understand if you aren’t able to attend.” I may have to start practicing that one, actually.
Post # 8
i completely agree with Frog E. People are always going to find something to complain about. My wedding is on a Sunday so i totally hear you with this one.
Some of my friends who are travelling from afar are going to make a mini-vacation out of it by staying a few extra days to make it worth it.
It’s your special day, you have to do what’s best for you!
Post # 9
I am having my wedding in California and most of my family and friends are on the East coast. We wanted a destination wedding and would have had it in Europe but we decided to have it in the US but somewhere we absolutely love…Sonoma. When someone complains about going to Sonoma and how we should have had our wedding in a place that was convenient that particular guest.
I tell them “we are not opposed to having our wedding at place xyz said person just need to pay for it, plan it, and let us know when and we will show up. However, the real wedding will be in Sonoma and they don’t have to show up”.
Usually, that shuts them up. I think it is extremely rude for people who aren’t paying for something to complain just respond no. It actually saves me money when less people show up.
Post # 10
What @Frog E. said: Just keep practicing your response (with a sweet smile on your face)… “We’re so sorry. We completely understand if you can’t make it.”
Post # 11
thanks for the responses, ladies! sounds like i have to learn to put my natural tendency to please others on hold and please myself this time.
Post # 12
@buttontoes: Where in Michigan are you getting married? If you say Traverse City/Leland I will be so jealous. I’m getting married in East Lansing, ugh
Post # 13
@Meealissa: nope, doing it at henry ford museum in dearborn. which is super close to the airport, and nice hotels run pretty cheap compared to what i’m used to in major cities. geez i wish i could be a guest at my own wedding 🙂
i’m sure your east lansing wedding will be great!
Post # 14
@Meealissa: Our hometown is about an hour from Traverse City. We’re getting married on Fi’s parents’ farm outside of Gaylord (Since you’re from Michigan, there’s a chance you know where that is). The only problem with getting married in Gaylord is that since it’s so small, we’re really limited on choices. We have 1 option for a caterer. We have 1 option for a rental company, unless we go to Petoskey.
I love Traverse City. We talked about moving there after I finish law school, but we decided to go to Colorado instead.
Post # 15
If they are commplaining about traveling to go to your wedding, why would you want them there? It is obviously not a priority for them.
I guess you could do one of two things, if these people are special to you. Have your wedding where you want, then have a party for them later, or…just let them not come.
Soemtimes a trip is a lot for people financially, so if that’s it, that’s one thing…but if they are truly complaining and just being annoying, I would think you’d be better off without them there!
Post # 16
@buttontoes: I know exactly where that is! One of my bridesmaids lives there. It’s too bad about the limited options but I’m sure everything will turn out just fine & pretty.
Traverse City but it might be one of those hit-or-miss placeswhen it comes to actually living there.. My brother lives up there and he likes it just fine but I think the crowded summers drive him crazy.