(Closed) Dealing with rejection: when people don’t want to be part of your wedding

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m not sure if these kids regularly perform in front of crowds, but that’s a pretty terrifying thing to do. I played in high school but I probably would have turned you down too. That’s a lot of pressure!

I think you shouldn’t take it personally. Teenaged boys are not really known for their tact.

Post # 4
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@Mrs.DBee:  This. Keep in mind also that parents don’t uphold children to the same level of decorum as previous generations. Kids are flippant and self involved. Just take it for what it is, and chalk it up to rude tactlessness. I’m sure there would be other people more excited to help in your big day. Teenagers aren’t always willing to give up their Saturdays. 

Post # 6
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t have any advice, except I TOTALLY get it. I’m not thinking everyone should help me just because I asked, but their reasons in my opinion aren’t anything other than completely selfish.

Example: FI’s sister… I asked her to to hep with some set up or take down. Explicitly saying it wouldn’t be much, and it’s kind of one or the other not my slave helper all day long. Her reply was… “no way! I’m going to be wasted!” I sarcastically responded “thanks”, as I was pissed of by her immature, selfish reason. Her response to that was then “why would I help someone I am forced to like?” it went downhill from there.

I mean if she had exrpressed concern that the helping would get in the way of drinking, I’d understand, and assure her that she can drink and party with the best of them but she’d only have to lend a hand in taking centerpeices off the table which is really- not that big of a deal nor would it take that much time. It stung… and thinking about her makes my blood boil.

Post # 7
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Mrs.DBee:  +1. I know it’s disappoint OP, but try not to let it get to you

Post # 8
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Personally, I am a professional musician and most times the majority of my gigs were weddings. To this date, I hate them the most out of all of my gigs. But as a teen, it was worse. It was boring music, lots of pressure, and needing to sacrafice a weekend + practice. Dont take it personally. Most musicians think this way.

Post # 9
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

 I think it’s hard to deal with rejection, but I think for me I realize if I ask anyone to be part of our day I go with the expectation that they may turn me down fo a variety of reasons. Unless it’s a close friend or family(then I’m kidnapping them and taking them by force to my wedding lol)

The kid responded rudely, but he may have legitmate reasons but in typical too cool for school fashion which some kids have he may not want to admit to being shy about performing in front a crowd. It is also possible that he really prefers to just hang out and do nothing on his weekends. For a lot of teenage boys a wedding is not an idea of a good time. I’m not going to lie when one of my nephews found out we were thinking of not having kids at wedding, he was excited, and it did hurt my feelings a little bit. I was actually thinking of putting an age limit so he some of the older kids who can behave can come.

Post # 10
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Also, did you offer to pay him? Even if he’s a part of your youth group, he should be offered payment other than a spot at the reception (where he will be with few, if any, people he knows). 

Post # 11
Member
719 posts
Busy bee

@robinsena:  It was probably easier for the teen to say “Not interested” than “The thought of it scares me out of my mind!”.  Teens aren’t usually that up-front about what they are feeling, so I wouldn’t take it too personally.  Sorry you are disappointed!  I asked my sister to do a reading in my wedding and she turned me down, but eventually I got over it and moved on.  🙂 

Post # 12
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@robinsena:  I think it was rude of the kid to respond the way he did.

And as @StuporDuck:  said, “parents don’t uphold children to the same level of decorum as previous generations.”  I really hope you find what you are looking for though.

@ohmybears48:  Totally get this. My Father is a musician and has ALWAYS said that weddings are his least favorite to play.

 

Post # 13
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

“I’m not thinking everyone should help me just because I asked, but their reasons in my opinion aren’t anything other than completely selfish.”

Honestly that to me is the wrong way to think. Yes would it be nice for her to help you, but at the end of the day it’s your wedding and not her responsibility. She nor anyone else shouldn’t be obligated to help you with wedding.

Post # 15
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@robinsena:  Uhh ok that I think is a bit different. I was picturing a 14 year old who had never played weddings before! Certainly very rude of him to put it that way, he should learn some tact!

Post # 16
Member
719 posts
Busy bee

@robinsena:  Maybe he’s just got a lot going on in his life right now. Being a college senior can be a crazy time!  Is he someone you’ve kept in touch with over the years?  Maybe he just doesn’t feel particularly close to you and didn’t feel the need to explain why he didn’t want to do it.  

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