Post # 1
I am at a loss about what can be done, everything started to look up yet again and then came crashing back down to the ground.
FI is currently working part time at A&W only bringing in about $400/month when we need $800/month to survive. It was advertised as 40 hours a week so he left his $700/month job at McDonalds for it and now cannot go back… I myself cannot work as I am finishing my final year of college and work placements (unpaid) start soon, so really I can only contribute $100/month from my summer savings.
This month was coming to a perfect close. FI had earned $300 babysitting for a friend and we depended on this money to make up the rest of the rent and get him a bus pass… yesterday when he stopped by (with me) to pick it up the woman claimed that he only worked 2 hours for her this past month and that he stole $20 from her purse (we think her kids did it) so he isn’t getting paid a dime. She gets paid by the gov. to get a babysitter for her disabled child and he signed the time sheet for her to get the money to pay him… but she claims that he “loaned” him anything else she is receiving for this month.
We both cried last night… my final student loan came in and it is just enough to cover my books and I need to use if for rent instead! I am a stress eater but I can’t even eat this off because our cupboards are bare and we can’t go to the foodbank because “we make too much”.
Friends and family have been trying to help us out but I refuse to borrow their money as I can’t honestly look them in the eye and gaurantee I will ever have the cash to pay them back.
FI feels like a complete failure and I can’t make him feel better because I am just completely depressed. It is ridiculous that we have to go through this, FI is a hard worker but since jobs are very scarce in our small town no one will give him a chance. You really have to know the right people, even the drugheads in town all have decent jobs! He sent out several resumes yesterday and tomorrow when he isn’t working he’s dropping by the March of Dimes to see if they can help (if anyone has any experience with them I’d love to hear it).
We just really need to hold out until after I graduate and can start working myself as I have a much more impressive work history than FI plus my college diplomas. At this point I am even considering having FI go to school for something just so we can get the student loans for him to pay the bills… but he doesn’t know what he wants to do yet so it is almost pointless just shoving him into any program.
My credit card ($1000 limit) has been maxed out for 2 months now so there is really no help from that anymore to pay for the groceries. Our blasted cell phone bills are due in a couple of weeks and I don’t even know if I’ll be able to pay that! I am seriously concerned that we aren’t going to make it through the month.
This year was supposed to be such a great year and I had even just paid the deposit on the photographer… which is non-refundable… I now have to put a complete stop to wedding planning which was really the only thing that was keeping me going. I am starting to doubt that we will even be able to afford to get married this year…
Post # 3
@WeddingBells2014: Has he applied for welfare (Ontario Works in Ontario – not sure what province you live in). It’s not really hard in Canada to get government help, from what I’ve heard – as a student I got the GST credit and the Ontario Trillium Benefit without even applying, just from filing my taxes, and I’m still getting it as a full time employee because I haven’t filed 2014 taxes yet (not sure if it’ll be clawed back because I’m making good money now).
I think he should go to college or trade school. My brother is an apprenticing heavy duty equipment technician and once he became a registered apprentice he got EI cheques every month during college. I don’t think your FI should apply to college just for the loan. He should apply so he can get a job and make more than $400 a month. Again if you’re in Ontario he would for sure qualify for OSAP and I’m sure other provinces have equally accessible loan programs. Just remember it’s a loan, so he should look into a program with employment prospects so he can pay them back after.
This is going to sound harsh, but: why are you paying for photographers and stuff when you can’t even afford food? It may be time to reassess your priorities. Food should come before a proper wedding. You can get married at city hall and be equally as married as if you had a full wedding. I would put all that on hold until you both have good jobs and can afford extra things in life.
Why can’t you work a part time job on weekends or in the evenings? When I was in university full time I made like $600 a month at my minimum wage part time job. I worked about 16 – 20 hours a week and it was doable. A lot of people with full time jobs work part time on the side for extra money. Is there any way you could do that?
Post # 4
What is your housing situation? How is it possible that you only need 800 a month to survive? Is this renting an apartment?
Do you have ANYTHING you can sell? Old things you can sell on ebay, a car, old furniture you don’t need, anything…
I don’t understand why you can’t do ANYTHING to earn extra money…. babysitting, walking dogs, weekends at the grocery store, anything. I worked when i went to school full time and did a parttime internship.
Does your FI have a degree? Does he have skills or knowledge in anything? He needs a better paying job thats better then mcdonalds. What about a package car driver? Home improvement stores pay more sometimes for a non-cashier position, Delivering pizzas, anything. On that situation 40 hours a week is a bare minimum. My DH is working about 60 hours a week at 2 jobs. I’m barely going to see him this month.
If you still don’t bring in enough that month heres your priorities…. in order.
FOOD (basic groceries), UTILITIES (thats electricity and water not cable), HOUSING (pay your rent so they don’t kick you out), and then TRANSPORTATION (gas in the car)
Whatever is left doesn’t get paid. DO NOT pay your credit card but fall behind on your rent or let the lights get turned off. If you miss a month on a credit card its not the end of the world.
Post # 5
@WeddingBells2014: You say your photographer deposit is non-refundable. Perhaps if you explain the circumstance to him/her, they will be able to work out a deal with them (e.g. write the deposit out in post-dated cheques for smaller intervals as oppose to one lump sum).
Do you have any items to sell? Can you tutor? Can your FI pick up a second job as his current job doesn’t have full time hours?
I also echo everything @SummerOfLove: said, in terms of finding a job yourself. No it isn’t easy to balance work and school (yes I’ve done it), but it is necessary. I would also take a loan from a family member for sheer survival..bus pass and food.
Post # 6
I second the notion for looking for a part-time job – maybe on weekends? Does your college have any student worker positions? My one student worker clears about $400 a month just setting up labs for me. $400 is not a lot, but I am sure it helps.I went to college full-time while raising a child and still managed to work two (sometimes three) part-time jobs. In grad school, the work was so demanding that I could not work at all so I worked a full-time AND a part-time job during the summers and rationed my money throughout the year.
As for using your student loan for rent instead of books – try talking to your professors. See if they have an extra textbook they can lend you or an earlier edition of the textbook. I lend out books all the time. If not, see if you can buddy up with someone and share textbooks. Students do it all the time!
If you do not want to borrow money from the family, ask if they can freeze some meals for you. I just froze some chili and pot pie for a friend who is struggling to make ends meet.
I am sorry about you losing the money on the deposit for the photographer. But if finances are in such dire straits, then wedding planning must be pushed aside. I know such financial difficulties are hard to deal with. I lived well below the poverty level for most of my adult life. Yet I always seemed to get by – if only by the skin of my teeth. More than once I was so desperate that if it was not for the generosity of my co-workers supplying us with food, we surely would have starved (my daughter and I). It will not be like this forever!
Post # 7
@SummerOfLove: He had applied twice before when we were almost in a similar situation and was denied for some reason. I had thought it would be easy to get it when you are in need of help. He gets those cheques as well (1 $65 monthly and another $80 quarterly) but they really don’t help other than to pay for his bus pass and minor things.
We paid for this deposit and stuff because things were actually looking up, if we hadn’t just lost that sudden $300 in income we would be fine and I would know we could scrape by. I’ve tried contacting the photographer to see what we can do but it was only a $100 deposit so it isn’t the saviour here. We’re actually even returning the replacement engagement ring he had just purchased and getting about $100 back for that.
I worked part time during the first 2 years and as a result last year I nearly failed a couple of courses because they require a lot of homework over the weekend, and working most of the weekends didn’t help. I am doing some tutoring but unforunately the girl keeps on cancelling on me so I’ve only made $150 through that over the past couple of months.
In the next month I start work placement and will be working full time without pay all week with a couple of online classes I need to do on my own in the evenings and weekends, so a part time job now is extremely unrealistic without throwing my education out the window.
@Kate0558: We currently rent a bachelor apartment for $570/month and it isn’t even enough room for the two of us to live comfortably, that is literally the cheapest rent in town! The rest is comprised of groceries, transportation and phone bills – there is no money being wasted as our original budget was a full $1000/month!
We already sold off a lot of old things months ago. The only thing left is my computer which is required for school and I can’t sell my work clothes because my work placement required proper business attire (don’t even have that much to begin with though). You can be guaranteed there is no car to sell.
I do tutor for extra money but as mentioned above the girl keeps on cancelling on me so I haven’t made that much. Then because of this semmester being filled with a full time work classes and online classes in evenings/weekends getting a job is impossible.
FI really struggled to get through high school and doesn’t have a licence or anything (I am just finishing up mine as it is!), the plan was originally that he’d work full time but all full time jobs in town require post secondary education of some kind – which he doesn’t yet have.
Post # 8
@WeddingBells2014: I looked back through your previous threads and have a question…is the lady he babysits for the same person as the coworker who accused him of stealing $20 from her purlass few weeks back? If this is a separate incident you need to recognize that your fiancé may have an issue with stealing and lying…anyone can have the misfortune to be falsely accused of something once, but it is highly unlikely someone would be falsely accused of the exact same thing 2xs in such a short time span by 2 different people.
Post # 9
@mrs-to-be-2014: I am working on it with the photographer but I have yet to hear back once I fully explained our situation and it is looking doubtful. I feel so stupid for not waiting another month! As mentioned above I am tutoring but my girl keeps on cancelling, so its hard to actually pull in any kind of pay.
FI has tried relentlessly to pick up a second job but no one is really hiring. I also have been told by others that they aren’t very cooperative here with second part time jobs because no one wants to be restricted in scheduling. We had thought people’d be hiring for x-mas but not a single store was taking anyone extra on this year or we both would’ve done seasonal work.
@trueblue14: Technically I am already working for the college as a tutor which as you can see above, is not going too well at all! And also you’ll see above why I cannot work on weekend this semester due to the placement/additional classes. It is really the worst semester to be stuck in a situation like this!
I have actually emailed my 2 other classmates to see if they are willing to share the books they bought for a lower price, I will email my professors tonight to see if there is anything they can do.
My parents are already sending the odd plated meal or two over in our direction but they themselves can only afford so much. We’ve also been lucky enough to have some of our friends pick up the tab for a dinner out or something, but even they are running dry and can’t do stuff like that for much longer.
It just bothers me to know that we only need to get by a little bit longer before I can start working as well…
Post # 10
Is your FI in school too? If not, can he not get a better paying job? There are places hiring the provide transport to the job site and pay very well, and require no education.
Do you not have a campus food bank? Here there is no income limit for the campus one, it’s just the city ones that work that way.
Post # 12
@WestCoastV: This is actually the woman who works with him, I didn’t realize this until we had gone to get his pay and she brought that up. If I had known I would’ve had him just not babysit for her and try to get the money some other way because he should’ve seen this coming from a mile away. I guess she honestly believes that he had to have taken the $20 out when it really could’ve been anyone.
He really wanted to file a police report about all of this but I actually stopped him because I know she’ll drag his name through the dirt about “stealing” the $20 and make things worse for him.
Post # 13
@WeddingBells2014: Try to find some other people to tutor. Seriously, tutoring is what has gotten me through rough times with money. It’s not a huge time commitment, either. What are you going to school for?
Post # 14
I agree with @SummerOfLove:, even if your grades drop some, I think its time to find a part-time job. I worked up to 30 hours a week going to University for a science degree. It was hard, I didn’t get much sleep, but it was doable and necessary. In summer I found a full-time job Monday to Friday, then kept my part-time jobs for evenings and weekends.
Do you have family around? Maybe its time to move home for a bit until you get things sorted. Even a few months could help you out a lot.
Isn’t there any other places your FI could work that could bring in more than $400/month? Can you get a job placement elsewhere where he could come along and search for a better paying job?
To be honest, I don’t know how you can be planning a wedding in this situation. If you can’t afford food, maybe the wedding needs to take a back burner too? I know that is not what you want to hear, but it may be the right thing to do. It may be hard, but life is about making choices and timing is sometimes everything.
Post # 15
@HannahGrace: I know you are “just saying” but I really don’t need to hear anything so un helpful in this posting right now. If he was just being lazy I would agree that we aren’t ready to be married – but I have personally seen how many resumes he has sent out and it just boils down to the fact that he has no special skills.
@AB Bride: He isn’t in school but once he can figure out what he wants to do that has employment options (his original choice is a dying profession right now) he is going to get the loans to go. He has actually just applied to a job like that and my fingers are crossed that he gets a call back because it would be a really good job for him to get – but I know A LOT of people in town are looking right now who are older with more experience…
I have used our campus food bank but we are a small school and if you don’t have kids you only get 1-4 items per month depending on their supply. I’ve been lucky enough to get a couple of bottles of pasta sauce and some peanut butter, but that is it.
Post # 16
@WeddingBells2014: *hugs* All I can tell you, and I mean this the nicest way possible, is to delay your wedding. This is what we chose to do because my FI going back to college had put a much higher strain on our budget than we initially thought it would. When we got engaged he wasn’t thinking about going back to do his bachelor, so we thought 2015 was reasonable to plan our wedding. We chose this week to delay everything (we haven’t set a date yet) because it was, really, the only wise option left. Another option would be debt (no way). As PPs said, you have to set your priorities. You’re in a bad situation, but it’s temporary. Once he finds a better job and you yourself get one, you can start planning your wedding again. Don’t cancel your photographer, just tell him what’s going on and that you wish this deposit to be kept for later, as right now you’re dealing with personal issues that prevent you from planning further into your wedding. You won’t lose this money, it’s just there for later.
Hang in there ! We’re having a tough time too, and I think in the long term we will prefer to get married a few months or a year later (but having the wedding we want), than spending this year drowning under more debts.