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How long have you been long distance? Do you have a plan for how to be together again? A timeline for when that will happen? I promise you it does get better, and if you can see the light at the end of the tunnel it is so much easier to be apart.
FI and I were long distance for 2.5 years, so I know just how you feel. All you can do is try to live for the moment and know that wherever he is, he's thinking about you and loving you. Don't lose your personality and passion for life that he fell in love with. Stay strong.
When you're together again, those years of heartache will seem like nothing. Trust me on that.
We've been long distance for a year and a half (our entire relationship) and have 2.5 more years to go until he's out of the military.
Thanks for the reply. I've tried my hardest to take up new hobbies and get involved with various things (training for my first triathlon this month, eek!) so I'm hoping that will help, but that's where the inherent problems lies. I get involved and do all of these things to stay busy, but it makes me feel guilty because I'm doing them for selfish reasons like getting my mind off not being with the person I'd rather be spending my time with.
I just hope this is a passing thing and I can look back and be thankful to have the time apart because I did have the opportunity to dabble in so many new things and spend time building friendships and growing closer to my family.
@sleepyrebel: Don't feel guilty. Taking care of yourself is NOT selfish! Selfish would be allowing yourself to wallow in self pity (believe me, I did plenty of that!). By getting yourself out and trying new things you are actually benefiting those who love and care about you. You said it yourself, you're spending time bonding with your friends and family. They are happy to see you living life to the fullest. And all these new things you've learned can be shared with others.
I repeat, you are not being selfish!! Keep doing your best and good luck with your triathalon!
I've been there. It's tough. Consider (if you haven't already) opening up to your family and friends about how down you feel. They'll appreciate your honesty, but more importantly they'll try to support you.
Plus: those activities and people who just feel like distractions now can sneak up on you and get meaningful when you're not looking. :) Take care of yourself, ask for help when you need it, and try to find the beauty, love, and meaning taht I know is in your life. This time will pass.
Long distance can definitely be hard! My fiance and I have been long distance our entire relationship as well, and although it's only an hour, with crazy schedules and the distance on top of that, it makes it so hard to get together sometimes. Keeping yourself busy and finding new hobbies definitely can help pass the time! I also think that being long distance makes you truly appreciate your time that you do have together, and appreciate the relationship itself more.
Things do get easier :-)
Thanks for all of the words of wisdom. I never ever thought this would be easy (in fact, I pretty much wrote it off initially, thinking we'd never be able to work out from afar). Yet here we are. We chose to head down this path and be together knowing our circumstances. I think I really should just open up to my friends and family about the loneliness so perhaps some of the guilt fades away. Because really, if one of my friends told me she needed some distractions from something hard in their lives, I'd do whatever I could do provide that for them.
Kudos to you for being a military girlfriend. . .I don't think I could do it! You're one strong woman for sure!
SO and I are in an LDR, but fortunately we're just in different parts of the world doing our own thing and we get to talk a few times a day!
I'm sorry that you're feeling down. Can you write/email him when you're thinking of him? Sometimes that helps. . .if he or I are too busy to chat during the day, I'll send him a quick text or email just to let him know I'm thinking of him. That generally helps me.
I always felt like distracting myself was key. My husband was military also and i spent a solid chunk of 4 years "forgetting" and "distracting" myself with college, then grad school, then wedding planning, then friends, etc etc. You gotta do what you gotta do to keep you going. Otherwise, i feel like you dwell on the bad things and how bummed you are he is gone, and that is just a downward spiral into depression land. We only used to talk for 30 minutes every saturday morning--and the "in betweeN" really was just that--time that got me distracted between saturdays. It is what it is....i have little advice, exept i know where you are coming from, i did it myself, and sometimes it felt very strange, but i just pushed through and about 4+ years later it was all worth it =]
@ejs4y8: Oh, gosh! 4 years, wow. I guess when all is said and done, FI and I will have done the LDR thing for 3.5 so I'm not that far off. It's weird thinking in those terms. Luckily, us getting engaged has really helped with managing the distance since there's a commitment in place, and planning a wedding is quite distracting.
@ChicChick: Luckily we get to text/IM frequently so we do get to communicate. You're in different parts of the world?? Wow. Is it by choice?
@sleepyrebel: It's by choice because I'm studying out of the country. On top of that, we're originally from different parts of the country. Hopefully, though, everything will change next year!
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Sometimes I feel like my life is just one big fake lie. I look forward to the times I get to see my FI so much that I feel like all I'm doing until then is finding activities to pass the time. It makes my life feel so disingenuous. Like I'm just using my friends and family to help distract me from the agony of waiting months on end to see him again. Does anyone else feel this way?