dealing with the judgeys…

posted 2 years ago in Honeymoons
Post # 2
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’ve gotten all the “judgeys” from the moment we started planning!

We got engaged last Halloween and decided to just enjoy being engaged for a while before we actually started planning, and apparently, you have to start planning the MINUTE you get engaged or else, well, you’re not normal!

Then my FSIL – who is also a very good friend of mine, got engaged a couple of months after us and set her wedding date the month before us – and is having her reception at the same venue. (It’s FI’s family’s restaurant so I’m not surprised) But then FMIL asked us to move OUR wedding date even though ours was set first.   FI was so pissed at his mom that we decided to get married while on vacation (I guess you would call that eloping?) and have a celebration once we get home.  So now we’re getting a ton of slack for not having a “traditional” wedding.  We’re not having a bridal party, I’m not going to wear a traditional bridal gown and we’re not having the ceremony in a church.  Our marriage must be doomed!

But, we’ve stuck to our guns and now that it’s been a few months, the judgeys have gotten over it, and ironically, some of the people that were the most judgmental (FMIL and my oldest sister) are now really excited about our non-traditional celebration!

It’s tough but I have found weddings and babies bring out the worst in people!

Post # 3
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

AllyCRN:  You have to learn to let it roll off of your shoulders. Opinions are like…you know. But it’s your wedding, and you can do whatever you want. These people are not paying for your honeymoon. If you and your FI want to go camping, who really cares? You don’t have to justify wanting to roll around in the dirt to anyone. Also, anyone who thinks a honeymoon destination is a good predictor of whether a marriage will fail or not is clearly a moron, but that’s beside the point. If my family was refusing to plan my bach party for such a dumb reason, I’d plan it myself.


Post # 4
42166 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would respond ” How about , you plan your honeymoon and we’ll plan ours, ok”?

Post # 5
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Maybe I’m cold but I really just don’t care what people say.

Post # 6
4650 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

AllyCRN:  You know, something happened along the way where people just say whatever they want to now. I have no idea why. What happened to saying, “Wow, that sounds fun! I hope you enjoy it!” Or whatever. Common decency is a lost art anymore. Sad.

Post # 7
4638 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

gelaine22:  Same. I don’t give a single fuck about what anyone has to say about my choices.

AllyCRN:  I think you need to figure out why you care so much what other people think. People can only judge you if you let them, caring too much about what other people think of you and your choices is a waste of time and energy. 

Post # 8
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Your honeymoon sounds awesome. Don’t let the haters get you down!

Post # 9
2657 posts
Sugar bee

I learned to tune out the peanut gallery.  If they want to voice their opinions, they will.  But, you don’t have to listen to them.  And really, you shouldn’t listen to them if you want to stay sane during wedding planning.  Your honeymoon choice especially is nobody’s business but yours and your FI’s.  For the record, I have a friend who did a camping honeymoon and they had a blast.  They love to camp and it worked perfectly for them.  We’re also doing a roadtrip-style honeymoon around Arizona and I have no regrets about choosing that over a traditional beach resort.  To each their own 🙂

Post # 10
3007 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My husband and I did a roadtrip and people thought we were crazy. It was AWESOME!

Post # 11
47 posts

AllyCRN:  my ultimate dream honeymoon would be back packing around Ireland. We can’t do this do to FI health so we are going to wait for our honeymoon until after his transplant. I don’t think you even need to deal with them, just ignore it! Do what makes the two of you happy.

My best friend is male also, Fi best friend is female but we are all really close. Fi best male friend is his female best friends partner and my best friends brother. I actually don’t want a  bachelorette party (hen party over in uk) I want us all to go out together. 

Why not get you male friend to plan your bachelorette or you plan it with him? 



Post # 12
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

People are going to judge regardless of what you do. Their discomfort with your wedding plans are completely irrelevant.

I’ve gotten all kinds of responses from people when they find out that we’re going to have pizza and chinese food out our wedding. Most people are surprisingly accepting, but the ones that make comments, I just tell them they’re welcome to bring their own food if they have any issues with what we’re serving.

And as for your honeymoon plans – my parents went camping for their honeymoon. They’ve been married over 30 years, so there may be something to that idea.

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