- 9 years ago
- Wedding: April 2011
So, although I love her dearly, me moms hurt my feelings a bit and I just need to vent for a moment.
My wedding is over a year away and has already morphed several times – now possibly to a very small, family only wedding followed by a dinner. This would be followed by an informal party style reception at a later date. This possible change was due to some complicated logistics that I won’t get into here.
Some background – my mom’s mom died not too long before she got married. I’m sure this was painful for her and it was horrible not having her mom there at her wedding.
My mom really wants the tiny, family only wedding. That is fine, but her reasons bother me. According to her she “can just tell” I am going to be a Bridezilla and with a tiny wedding she doesn’t have to deal with planning a wedding for/with me. Ouch. My FI and I would host a party/reception afterwards that would be for our friends, coworkers, etc., and she said it’s great, it can be in our town and then she won’t have to be involved at all.
I asked her what she meant about me being a Bridezilla and she said she didn’t understand why I was concerned about picking things out for my wedding – things like my cake design, centerpieces, etc. In her mind I should have just gone with the ‘standard’ the venue offered and my wanting to pick out certain details myself meant I was being high maintenance, wedding obsessed or whatever. I’m thinking – I don’t get it, aren’t brides supposed to pick this stuff out?
Also, I had mentioned a couple of simple extras that I wanted to add, like a candy buffet, and apparently she thought this was crazy and that I was making ‘a huge production’ of things.
Just a side note, this is not a money issue at all. My dad is financing the wedding and everything we discussed was well within the budget. In her mind my being excited about planning my wedding is weird. I should just tell the hotel how many people and what menu and not really worry about anything else.
So…my armchair psychological analysis is that this whole thing is really painful for her, because of the memories it churns up. Her response is to downplay the whole thing and pretend like it’s a non-event. Or, she doesn’t care about event planning and doesn’t understand why I do. I don’t know.
It just upsets me because I feel like it’s unfair. I shouldn’t be made to feel like I have a problem just because I’m excited about planning my own wedding! I think that is natural, normal, and healthy. In fact, I think it might be a little strange if I did go to the venue and say ‘Yeah, sure, give me the regular cake, tables, food, whatever. I’ll just show up that day.’
So, at this point I guess she will get her very small, almost-a-non-event wedding, and I will plan our larger celebration on my own. I know I can’t make her want to be involved, and I know in the end this arrangement will probably be for the absolute best, but it does make me sad. Overall we have a really good, loving relationship. It’s like she can’t do this one thing with me, though, at least beyond a very small scale.
To all the brides with non-involved mamas, have you heard similar things? How are you dealing?