Post # 1
So….the backstory. Both my little sister and her Fiance are in the Navy and are therefore in and out on short deployments. As a result, I am planning their wedding, sending out invites, coordinating on the day of, etc. Did I mention that I am also the MOH?
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. The bride asks two of our sisters to be hostesses and our other sister to sing at the wedding b/c she wanted them to feel like they were a part of it even though they didn’t want to come up with money to be BMs. Here is where the problem starts…ALL of them want to dress in the wedding colors!! She is totally against that…#1 the wedding colors are black and yellow and she doesn’t want her whole family to look like they are attending a funeral…#2 they HAD their chance to wear the wedding colors but they refused to be BMs b/c they didn’t want to pay.
She asked me to tell them that she didn’t want them wearing the wedding colors….and I did…but they still called her and told her they planned on wearing them. She asked them not to, but it’s like they don’t get it. One sister even asked if she could walk in with the wedding party!! This after she declined being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I have a low tolerance for mess…which is why I declined to have a traditional wedding myself…but I am about to blow a gasket. Can you believe two of our sisters have declared that they plan to try their best to “outdress the bride”?
This is my only little sister. She has been my shadow from birth. She is STILL my shadow…now I have 2…her and her Fiance. I refuse to let anything spoil her day….but at the same time…I don’t want to come off as the bad guy. How in the heck do I tell my family to just enjoy the day as GUESTS??
Post # 3
Hmmm. I s dressing in Bridesmaid or Best Man colors and trying to “outdress the bride” two separate issues? Trying to connect the dots, because them wearing yellow or black, doesn’t outdress the bride.
I don’t know why they didn’t want to cough up the money to be BMs. Could they have had good reason? The bride wanted them to be BMs, originally. And now have parts singing, and being hostesses. Even though they aren’t BMs, they are still part of the wedding. I don’t see a huge deal with them wearing the wedding colors. They are sisters, are in the wedding. It might look nice to havethem coordinated, and make for nice family pictures.
If the bride doesn’t want the whole family wearing black, can she ask them to at least wear a shade of yellow? Perhaps they can wear a draker shade to compliment, but set apart from the BMs. Also, maybe she (or you) can work with them, go dress shopping, to make sure tht their dresses are not more formal than the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses. Perhaps they’ll be happy wearing a similar style but in a shorter length etc.
Do not let them process down the aisle as if they were BMs. (They had their chance.)
Post # 4
@Tanya…it’s two separate issues. The outdress the bride comment came out when the bride suggested that I go shopping with my sisters to pick out something for the wedding. They don’t want me OR my sister (the bride) to give them any guidelines or go with them shopping. They even asked to see the BMs dresses so they could get something like it.
As for the money, there is one sister who I would say has reason. The other two have the money, they just choose to spend it on other things. B/c the colors are black and yellow and my sister is having a small wedding, she is concerned that if all of her siblings wear the wedding colors that the bridal party won’t stand out.
OH…and they won’t be processing =) She told them flat out no on that one.
Post # 5
Hmm, maybe come up with a “secondary” color for the readers/singers to wear. That way it’s not yellow or black, but still sets them apart and gives them a special color (maybe that will satiate their need to be in the spotlight?). Assuming the wedding is in the summer, maybe green or blue or purple?
Post # 6
@Goldilocks…I told them that they would have some type of pin, corsage, or something setting them apart from everyone else but that wasn’t enough. It HAS to be the wedding colors. Oh well….the bride is going to have to fight this battle =) Between her and her Fiance…they will figure something out.
Post # 7
I would flat out ask these girls why they think it’s okay to make your little sister’s wedding about them? Because it sounds like that is exactly what they’re doing.
They should feel honored with the positions they have been given and respect any and all (reasonable) requests by the bride and groom. To do otherwise is just selfish and rude and is not what being part of the wedding celebration is about.
Post # 8
I really like Goldilocks1107 idea about a second color for them so they stand apart both from the bridesmaids and the other guests (in addition to a pin, corsage, etc). Although I do think these girls are being absolutely ridiculous and need to stop thinking about themselves and start thinking about their younger sister – It is her wedding!
Post # 9
@pharmy….I agree with you totally. You would think that they would be happy that they don’t have to incur any additional clothing expense that comes along with being in the wedding party. Especially since finances was the main reason why they didn’t want to be BMs. I didn’t want it to come to a big, huge, blowout but I have a feeling we are headed in that direction. If it were just the attire, I think my sister would be more accomodating. It has been everything from the plans, to the accomodations, right on down to who the bride and groom picked for their bridal party. She is about to blow a gasket and I am tempted to just let her blow up one good time to let them know what they are dealing with. The protective side of me wants to make it all go away so she can have her “perfect” day.
@Future…I am going to run that one by my sister and see what she says.