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Everyone moves at the pace that is comfortable for them, but I totally agree that your BFF is being annoying. I'm sure it will wear of soon though. If this is her first relationship in a long time she is probably just on cloud nine. If it were me I'd just ignore the texts and wait it out.
For your sanity, I hope she stops soon. Lol. I had a friend like that (I say "had" because he did not, in fact, propose quickly and they are still just dating) and I just chose to ignore 1/2 of it. I would only respond if I wanted to/was in the mood to. I don't know what you're even supposed to say.
We all know relationships move at different paces and you seem very aware of that yourself. I don't feel like you're judging her, just annoyed by her need to share it and almost brag about it. I'd just let her do her thing and ignore it as best as humanly possible. Good luck!
I konw exactly how you feel. It's super frustrating when other couples get 'ahead' of you like that. I just try to remember that everyone's different. My SO and I were 'just talking' for over two years before we even started dating. Now we've been dating three years and still arn't engaged. I introduced two friends of mine to each other and they were married and had a kid within a year and a half. I was jealous at first that they said "i love you" first and she got the ring first, etc etc, but there's so much of their relationship that I wouldn't want. They both dropped out of school whereas I've earned my degree. They already have a kid but I don't have to deal with that responsibility right now (nothing against kids! I want some of my own one day, but I just like the freedom that I have now). Anyway, all that to say, just remember what you are thankful for in your relationship. Rejoice with her when things go her way and remember that your day will come too.
Lol poor you. How do you think she'd feel if you told her that you find it hard to hear? Just curious if she mght back off.
If it makes you feel any better, I think they're in the Honeymoon period still so it won't last (not the relationship, the mushiness)
From being on the side of your friend (my bff had been with her bf for 8 years and my FI told me he wanted to marry me after 5 months) I will tell yout hat she likely feels HORRIBLE telling you, because she knows how you feel about your SO, but at the same time, she is probably just really excited that things are working out for her this time.
Not that this makes it any better, but sometimes it is nice to know from the other person's perspective.
(And to know that when she has a huge fight in a few months you can secretly smile and be happy she isn't always that insanely in love!)
@takemyhand: Thanks for the perspective :) That's exactly why I'd never give her a hard time about it. I would never want her to feel bad about being so happy. 80% of me is super duper happy for her. It's just that pesky 20% that wants to text back "oh for the love of god, TEXT SOMEONE ELSE."
Everyone: thank you so much for your support. I really am happy for her, and I'll get over it. I just needed some people to go "yes! that's so annoying!" and I knew I'd get it here. Thanks :) :) :)
Also from someone on the other side, with a bff with a 9 years relationship, she may be trying to legitimize the relationship in your eyes so when he does propose you would think they just rush into it.
I suppose I'm a little guilty of her behaviour, but in my defence I was trying to prepare her mentally for my engagement that I knew would come before hers.
Maybe you should tell her this instead of posting it in a forum, since shes your best friend in the whole world... stab both of them, thats harsh even for venting. Youd probably feel better after talking to her about it.
LOL I can relate but in my case it's a friend and a guy she LIKES. I just remember that I am a good friend and good friends keep their mouths shut.
@sherryberry: Oooh, I've been that friend (the one who liked the guy). Please just be nice, it really sucks when someone rains on your parade when you are so happy about every little thing he says and are still in the "liking" phase. It's especially embarrassing if you tell her he's not interested and never will be, and then they end up together for 5+ years. (no, I'm not bitter at all :P)
OP I totally understand how you feel and it's ok to feel that way. Really, it would be hard to be 100% happy for someone all the time. Jealously/annoyance is just natural. I'm glad you have the bee to vent.
You know, my best friend pulls this same kind of crap with every guy she dates. Things are always quick to heat up- and quick to end! I swear she has been "engaged" to 3 guys since last year. I can undertand your frustration, I sometimes want to smack my friend, and I love that chick! She probably doesn't realize how much of a twat she's being, and as a friend, you can't exactly tell her :P
I have a friend like this, it wouldn't be so bad except her boyfriend is awful (the worst one she's had yet, and that's saying a lot). She's always coming up with excuses and trying to justify having to buy his cigarettes even though she's a student and he's 6 years older with a full time job :(
I totally get where you're coming from.
@Mr.Smithsgirl: Because she's my best friend, I care more about her being happy in her relationship (and not feeling like she has to hide it from me) than I do about my feelings... which is why I'm venting here instead of to her. What would I say to her "I know you're the happiest you've ever been, but I woud appreciate if you would stop telling me about it. Your happiness makes me angry." Absolutely not. I'm the one with the completely irrational feelings, so I'm the one that needs to get over it.
And I think everyone knew "stab them both" was an exaggeration to express my frustration ;)
Yeah, I can relate. Annoying. You don't need constant text updates giving you the complete blow-by-blow! It'll stop eventually... it has to! :-)
It's hard not to compare yourself to other people but just take comfort in knowing that while they are jumping into marriage, you and your SO are building a life together and a solid foundation takes time!
Hang in there! :)
It's hard not to compare yourself to other people but just take comfort in knowing that while they are jumping into marriage, you and your SO are building a life together and a solid foundation takes time!
Hang in there! :)
I think she is just excited to be in her first proper relationship - and is excited about sharing the milestones with her best friend. I wouldnt stress about it - if you arent in the mood to deal with it, then dont reply. But dont think someone else being happy has any direct correlation to your relationship. Every relationship is different.
I'm nice about it, even though I know it isn't going anywhere. Pretty sure he uses her so I just support her and hope that she will wake up one day and find a nice guy :)
@Jenny267:i feel like some people forget a forum is to vent a little if we have some irrational feelings or are struggling with something maybe we cant express to everyone.
Which is what you did. And i agree its tough to keep your mouth shut to save her feelings!!
@Jenny267: I totally understand what you're saying, and I think it's noble of you! I think it's clear that you are happy for her and by telling her to stop, you are creating unnecessary distance in your friendship. While you have every right to feel the way you do, i do think it won't come across well, no matter how u say it to your friend.
Yes, vent to us! Who else are u going to vent to? :)
That is annoying. But Ive also been in your friends shoes. I didn't have a serious boyfriend (now my FI) until I was 23. I listened to my best friend talk for YEARS about her boyfriend. Literally every time they had a conversation about anything, she would talk for hours about the secret meaning behind it. When I met my FI the relationship moved really fast, and my best friend basically said that she didn't want to hear about it anymore. When I told her that we decided to live together (a year after dating), she said she was mad. WTF? It actually hurt our friendship a lot. All I wanted was her to be happy for me after years of doing the same to her.
@Bostongrl25: I really appreciate hearing the other point of view. It's incredibly rude for your friend to tell you she's mad at you for having a relationship move quicker than hers (maybe she should have vented to the bee!). Moving in after a year seems resonable to me! Just like you did for your friend, this girl has listened to me complain/gush about my current boyfriend for a long time. I'm sure it got annoying, but she's a good friend, so she always listened when I needed it. That's why it's so important to me to do that for her now (even though I have my own selfish reasons for not really wanting to). I'm getting better at looking at the positive side: My best friend and I are both in great relationships, and it seems probable that we're both with the men we're going to marry! How awesome is that?
Ugh. Just, ugh!! Don't you feel like your relationship has been undermined? My cousin who is 30 got her first boyfriend EVER at 29...she was a virgin until they met, also. I have had long term boyfriends along the way since I was 14. I started dating my SO at 21, I'm almost 27. Since this is her first experience having a boyfriend at all, she's very over the top with intimate details, very excited, and for the beginning of their relationship, I found her to be almost intolerable. To make things worse, HE is super mushy-gushy and I'd swear he is interested in men, if he wasn't dating her. It's awful to be immersed into such a situation where it's all over and they're acting like 7th graders having their first french kiss! My mother and sister kept telling me I'm a negative nancy and I should be happy for her, but I just feel like I never shoved cute, romantic, sweet things down anyone elses throats. Barf.
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So, my relationship moved rather slow (at least in comparison to the relationship I'm goign to tell you about in a little bit). We were both fresh out of AWFUL breakups, so I'm sure that had something to do with it. It took us about 7 months to say I love you... about 2 years to move in together, and my boyfriend has promised to ask me to marry him in the next few months, but I feel like I've been waiting FOREVER.
So my best friend in the whole wide world, finally got a serious boyfriend (I say "finally" because she's had a lot of trouble in this department). I'm really happy for her. But they are moving SO much quicker than I am with my man. They said "I love you" almost immediately. He is constantly professing his love for her, and she's always telling me all about it (or texting me about it). I know it's stupid, but it makes me really shitty about my relationship, because my man isn't exactly quick to express his feelings (at least verbally). And last night, she texted me to tell me he told her he wanted to buy a ring and marry her. They've been dating 6 months!! I swear I wanted to drive over there and stab both of them.
Now, if she get's engaged before I do, I will put on my happiest face and celebrate with her, because she's my best friend, and I would never in a million years ruin that for her. But Oh. My. God. I don't think I can take anymore of her texting me to tell me how eager her man is to get a ring on her finger and spend the rest of his life with her.
I know I just need to get over it, because every relationship is unique. I just wanted to rant to people that would understand.