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I'd dump that "friend." But not before I asked him/her to pony up my cash.
You go girl! I can't stand it when people do that kind of stuff. Are you going to say anything to your friend?
She has until Sept 1st to give me the money (I know she gets paid around that time). Tricky part is...she is in my wedding. FML
ditto on what Statutory Grape said! though, more the likely, the money will NEVER be seen again....
facebook can be great, can't it?
people are so dumb about facebook... it has led to the end of many relationships and friendships. It's like, HELLO I CAN SEE EVERYTHING YOU'RE WRITING STUPID!
If people didn't feel the need to update their status every 5 seconds with what they are doing it probably wouldn't be so prevalent.
@MrsJKH2be: Does she know that if she doesn't get you the money, there will be consequences?
@Statutory Grape: How can I give her consequences w/o being an asshole and seriously ruining our friendship?
@MrsJKH2be: No offense, but she sounds like a flaky asshole, so would it be such a loss? Tell her point blank--you NEED to give me the money by such and such a date. I'm not sure what consequences you'd want to use, but she needs to know that her behavior is unacceptable.
That would make me so mad!
I hate having to borrow money from friends (I never ever carry cash) But I always pay them back ASAP i cant handel oweing anyone money, it stresses me out! I dont understand how someone could owe youn money and feel its ok to do all thoes things
I NEVER borrow money from friends!!! If we are out and someone buys me a drink or pays for something, I immediately return the favor. Its such a shitty feeling to owe someone!
I've loaned money to other friends (and my brother) in the past and have ALWAYS been repaid immediately. I guess I just should never do it again....
OH MY GOSH! I am dealing with something quite similar. I have a friend from preschool, like a sister, and she is complaining BIG time about the price of the bridesmaids dress while going out and drinking a TON almost every weekend. Its so frustrating.
Sorry, how frustrating! I'm lucky that none of my friends are like that...
One of my girlfriends was a BM in a wedding with another BM who was apparently "broke". She threw a huge hotel party for the bride, complete with a $300 bridal shower gift from EVERYONE... uh then stiffed the other bridesmaids for the cost!! Note, there were only 3 bridesmaids!!!
Every time they had a planning meeting, or ANYTHING, or went to any event, THE GIRL WOULD NOT PAY. Crazy. She would say things like "I'm hungry lets eat" and then they'd go out and the girl kept saying how everyone else made a lot of money and could afford it because they made more than her so they should pay, or she said "you got this one, right?" I'm surprised my friend didn't object, but she's too nice for her own good.
Oh, but this girl bought a new car and owns a timeshare in Vegas and flies out there every month. Hmmmmmmmm.
@sweetpea1031: she isnot the only BM/friend that is doing this to me! She is just the worse one....ha My other BM is complaining thats she is spending "too much money" on my wedding. Hello?!?! You could have said "no" to being in my wedding (no hard feelings) or you could have properly saved for the event that you have known about for 2+ years! Maybe every now and then skip going out to dinner/drinks and put some money aside!
NOTE: Please don't tell brides that being in their wedding is "costing you too much money". WTF?!?!
@futuremrskelsey: aghhhhh I'd slap her!!!! Don't eat out if you don't have money in your pocket!! and don't assume someone "has got it" for you!!!
Same here...I never ever carry cash because I tend to spend it on stupid things like vending machines. When I am faced with unplanned cash-only situations, I have no choice but to borrow money from friends and I hate it. I seriously put it on my calendar to go to the ATM, take cash, and return the money. That way it reminds me every 5 minutes until it is done. I don't understand how people can borrow money and not feel bad.
Sometimes, I'll be in a middle of a conversation and suddenly have a pang of panic about owing that person money, and i'll ask if I owe them any. Probably not a good idea if they were a dishonest friend, but I do hate the feeling of owing people anything.
Not to hijack your thread, but I thouht you'd get a kick out of this one:
Dear Broke Friend:
Thanks for telling me I ruined your weekend when I had to cancel on letting you freeload at my house all weekend so you could go party with a local baseball team. My Mom is REALLY sorry that she had structural problems with one of her buildings and my hubs and brother had to make sure the thing wasn't going to collapse, which is why I had to cancel our "girls weekend." BTW, us married girls don't tend to spend the weekend "partying" with professional baseball players unless we are in an open marriage -- which I am not. Anyway, I wondered why someone who makes 6 figures a year couldn't afford a motel room. Thanks for clearing that up when you posted on FB that you were flying out to Hawaii for the week!
Your still in debt from grad school not in an open marriage friend
@MrsJKH2be:Oh my gosh I am so sorry! Oh my goodness, I have been in a bunch of weddings and spent money, and it was an honor! My goodness, why would you accept and then be rude about it?! That is APPALLING!! I am so sorry :(
WE tv should make a show called "bridesMAIDzilla" goodness knows that even the nicest girls just morph into yucky personalities sometimes under the right (or wrong as it were) circumstances.
This same bridesmaid also, when I told her the date of the wedding, March 19th... her first response was: "Oh it is so cold, how rude to your guests!"... dude... its Northern CA, it was 71 degrees this year, and it is ENTIRELY inside! What the heck!?
@sweetpea1031 -- Ours is March 5th and we keep getting the same reaction! I mean, we could potentially get snow, but it's not like it's an out-door wedding... for real, people DO get married at other times of the year besides summer! :)
I would be really upfront and set boundaries with her. If she can't pay, she can't do it. It's better to set boundaries with her than to keep letting her repeat a bad pattern. It sucks because you don't want to feel like a bad friend, but it's worse to let her keep from learning a crucial life lesson that she apparently has not yet learned.... :(
@MrsJKH2be: I totally agree with you that your BM is pretty awful, but if two bridesmaids are now saying they don't have money, maybe you should look at what is being "required" of them. I have been a bridesmaid 5 times, and it DOES get expensive ... I'm lucky that my FI and I make a decent amount of money.
For my wedding, consistent with tradition where I live, I will be buying the BM dresses and probably their shoes too. Not yet sure about the makeup since I have 6 BM and it runs about $100 here. BUT - I understand that in most places, BM have to buy their own dresses, shoes, makeup, etc, so that does add up when you think they have to throw you a shower, perhaps travel, throw a bach party, buy gifts for the shower and maybe bach party as well as the wedding. Particularly if they don't make a lot of money, this can be tough for them.
For me, I'm really trying to be conscious of what I am asking my BM's to do. I know that they'll have to take off work the day of the wedding (FRI) and for the rehearsal, and some will be flying in, getting hotels, etc. I just want to minimize as many "requirements" as possible. I'm sure you're considering this too, but just thought I'd add that :) Sorry you have to deal with this, though. Just added stress when you don't need it :(
@futuremrskelsey: This is what I have "required from my BMs:
* My mother paid for the ENTIRE bridal shower - because she wanted to. The BMs did NOT chip in any money, nor were they asked for any money. My mother still gave them credit as "hosting" the shower.
* purchase a dress - its original cost was $160 - because they are "bigger girls" they were charged extra to by plus sized dresses (an extra $40).
* I told them that they are allowed to purchase whatever jewelry and shoes they want - if they want $3 old navy flip flops, I don't care (no one can see their shoes).
* hair and make is optional. I told them the prices of where I am getting my hair/make up done and they were told that they can do their own (they are VERY able to do their own make up - sometimes it looks very professional!
* I paid for an expensive hotel suite to stay in the night before the wedding - no one was asked for money nor would I accept any money.
* My wedding is local - within 20mins of their houses - they are not required to stay overnight in a hotel room - they are choosing to do so because they don't want to go back home.
* we are having a low key bachelorette party. I originally did not want ANYTHING....My other BM wants to do the casino.....I told her no because the other BM can't afford it.....we are just hanging out (which I am happy with).
And they have not been asked to do a single thing w/ regards to the wedding........no dress fittings for me, no shopping trip.....no wedding projects. This is MY complete undertaking that I am doing all on my own. I don't think what I have asked them to do is unreasonable money wise.....
If she still will not pay, one option is if you go out to eat with her (either the two of you or a group), tell her, "I'll let you get this one because I'm sure you want to reduce what you owe me." Ideal? no, but at least you can slowly get it back.
One other (snarky) thing to say is that you need the money to pay the florist- if you don't get it, you won't be able to get the flowers you want, including her bouquet, and therefore won't be able to be in the wedding. I don't think I could do this, but it is an option.
It is so rude though!
I think next week I am going to send her an email askign for the money back since we have vendors to pay off.....hopefully its not too rude - I just HATE askingfor thigns (even though this is different)
@MrsJKH2be: I'd do it over the phone or in person--it's much easier to ignore emails.
@MrsJKH2be: Good luck! I can tell you are really irritated. But just explain it in such a way that it doesnt cause more conflict.
I would say something to the effect that you and your fiance are really stressed about the money issue and how much your wedding is costing you, you hate to ask for money but you really do need it to be able to pay your vendors.
She is being unreasonable if she can't help you out, especially if she is one of your BMs!
honestly, you may just have to cut your losses and give up on trying to get your money back. Try writing it off as a learning experience; it might not be worth the drama to get her to pony up. Distance yourself from her and move on to better friends.
@jamiemichelle: Yeah Tell me about it. It's like my bridesmaid who begged me for a month straight that we should get together. I buy food and everything and invite her over for dinner and she says "no thanks you live too far away to pay for gas". (lives 20-30 min away MAX) yet she can go buy a new dress from ModCloth
Ugh, that is so weak. That's like the people on reality TV shows (not that I know anything about THOSE...) who cheat on their loved ones at home or deny saying certain things, not realizing that they ARE ON CAMERA. Why would you deny something or lie about something when YOU KNOW EVERYONE CAN SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING?? Arg, that's one of my personal pet peeves.
Your friend sounds like a jerk, and not a very bright one at that. I wouldn't worry too much about ruining the friendship, she doesn't sound like a very good friend anyway.
Oh, and I would totally call her out on facebook, but I'm kind of a bitch that way. :)
@OP- I'd call and simply say that wedding costs are adding up for you and you need the money you loaned her by XX date so you can buy XX for the wedding. Say it's very important that you get it back or you won't be able to get XX.
That way if she doesn't pay you back by XX date you can call and say you didn't buy the much needed XX because she never gave you the money and you need it now. I think guilting someone into paying you back by saying you don't have money works wonders.
Oh gosh I hate FB for this reason too. I find out about nights out I wasn't invited to or wedding afterparties I didn't know about (twice this happened) and I'm just like WTF, can't you at least have the decency to not post public pictures of events for uninvited people to see?
And yes it's really annoying when people claim they are broke then blatently go out and spend money recklessly on partying and booze. We also have the same due date for $ we lent to a friend recently, so I am crossing my fingers with you!
Eewww...I have a friend like this, or rather, it's FI's friend. SO SO SO annoying.
So many times we've gone out for drinks and Mr. Friend just starts putting his drinks on FI's tab, without asking- like offerring to buy everyone a round and later we find it on our tab. GREAT.
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You are welcome for the money I let you borrow last month to get your makeup done for our friend's wedding because you were "super broke".....
I am super glad that you also pawned off dollar bills from my FI all evening because you had to tip the bartender and you were "super broke"
In addition, I was also very excited to pay for your late night pizza binge because you were "super broke".
HOWEVER, nothing is this world tickles me more pink then to know that, although you are "super broke", and have yet to pay me back my money, you have been able to do the following:
* Purchase MLB tickets
* Purchase concert tickets
* Taking a 12 hour road trip in your own car
* Eating out ever other night
* Drinking lots of beer every other night
I am delighted that you are still unable to pay me back because you are still, "super broke". Thank You Facebook for allowing me to see that I should NEVER EVER give you money again....