Post # 1
I’m a regular bee poster, but for the sake of this one, I’ve gone incognito under a fake username. You just never know with the web.
Anyhow, my Mother in Law gets back from shopping today (which she does every day, but this time she finally bought a dress) and it’s this SHINY GOLD thing. She plans to wear this to my wedding paired with blinged out Manolos, fancy jewelry, and heaven only knows what else. Think: walking disco ball.
THIS IS NOT YOUR DAY, LADY. Why is a 60 year old woman wearing a gold dress and high heels and carrying Louis Vuitton purses anyway? We do not live in Beverly Hills. No one else in my family or any of the guests are like this. She is definitely going to stand out and call attention herself. I’m pretty sure that’s her plan, although she will sweetly deny it and fuss about how difficult it was for her to find a dress that was flattering and this was the only one that worked (she is a size two–shouldn’t be hard to find something). It’s like this super awful attempt at self-deprication that she thinks she’s mastered…but we’re all onto it.
Meanwhile, I’m the bride. I have a pretty dress, but I’m wearing it with flip flops, as the wedding is outdoors and not super fancy (someone didn’t get the memo).
I don’t really know what to do. I’m not “in” the family yet, so I’m not sure if this is just one of those situations where I’m supposed to suck it up (and crop her out of photos later), or if I can do anything to remedy the situation. Either way, I feel little better after venting, so if you actually read this whole thing, thank you for listening! 🙂
Post # 3
Can your FI maybe talk to her about it? I understand where u are coming from my mom has already been looking a MOB dresses and her taste is a little tacky but I am hoping that she will listen to my ideas for her. I dont even have a dress yet lol
Post # 4
It may not be to your taste, but she has the right to wear what makes her feel good.
My FSIL and FMIL have very different style than I do – basically, flip your situation and you have mine. Luckily my FSIL is laid back enough that she didn’t care that I was wearing Manolos at her wedding while she wore flip flops by the end of the reception – but I would have been pissed if she thought she could dictate that since I was abiding by what she had mandated (silver evening shoes.)
I understand that it’s a touchy subject when MOB or MOGs wear long white dresses but really – do you think she’ll be mistaken for the bride? Why do you care that her style is “Beverly Hills” as you put it? It’s her style, and unless she’s criticizing you for not dressing the same way, I don’t see an issue with it.
Post # 5
let your fiance’ deal with it—this is what me and my fiance do, I deal with my family and he deals with his…She is trying to upstage you not cool at all.
Post # 6
I am totally with you on this one! My FMIL bought a slightly blue tinted WHITE dress. It’s thin straps, fitted, somewhat silky, and down to the floor. *rolls eyes* sometimes… they just don’t get it! I totally feel your pain!
Post # 7
I have to agree with lilyfaith. It may be true that she is trying to upstage you, and that’s not cool, but at the same time you can’t dictate what she wears. If her outfit is that over the top she is going to come off looking silly, not you. If your fiance doesn’t like what she is wearing, leave it on him if he wants to say something. Otherwise, I would leave it alone, she’s going to dress however she wants to anyway.
Post # 8
i would just keep quiet about it, she is old anyway so no one will really care what she wears. you cant really tell her what to do anyway, just hold your peace n let this go..
Post # 9
Yes, she is old, but she looks young. She could pass for 45, easily. And it’s not that I don’t understand fashionable things. I own a few designer things myself. But when everyone else is wearing stuff on the casual side for the wedding it makes it seem like a deliberate attempt to “one up” the rest of us. It doesn’t go with my “vision” for the wedding.
Post # 10
I would talk to your FI about it. Let him know how upset it makes you without sounding angry, and perhaps if he sees your side, he will talk to her about it because it is his job to protect you. It is always a good idea for the son or daughter talk to the parent, not the in-laws, its just too complicated. If it is really bothering you, I am sure he will chime in and help you. I am sure he doesn’t like his mom being such an attention crazed person either! At the same time, I wouldn’t push the issue. Sometimes in-laws can be just plain difficult, and frankly, she will expose that with her outfit if she wears it.
Post # 11
OK, so the issue really is you do not want her to wear a gold dress right? Any 60 year old who can get into a size 2 is likely not very matronly. Of course I am sure there were some folks were perturbed that I chose to get “fancied” up at the not-so-tender age of 50 for my wedding! Honey, us baby boomers are not like previous generations at that age. Many of us are healthy, fit, and still like to shine. I personally wear tons of gorgeous dresses and I am a real jewelry nut. So if the issue is the gold dress being too fancy for your wedding, then I would talk to FMIL or FI about it. If the issue is you think she is too “old” to wear such an outfit, I say the problem is the concept of what is “appropriate” for us “old” people! This pic of of one of my best friends, she is 68 years old in this pic and she could definitely rock a gold dress![attachment=1182040,149693]
Post # 12
You cannot make your mother in law go with your “vision” of the wedding. All you can really do is ask your FI to talk to her, but I wouldn’t push back too much on this one.
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I think that it’s important to choose your battles, and this one might not be worth fighting.
You can’t dictate what the MOG wears. Some MOG’s are more than happy to go with the bride’s vision of the wedding, and that’s lucky for the brides, but you can’t force her not to wear something if she’s in love with it. And if you try, it might make things really awkward and uncomfortable as you’re joining the family.
My opinion is that you should let it go. She’s not going to upstage you. You’re the bride.
Post # 14
I have read so many posts about brides being upset about someone wearing white, someone wearing light pastels and now gold. It seems like it has gotten out of control. As a bride I didnt care what anyone wore to my wedding I still had fun. I was extremely happy when my mom and my mil found dresses that they felt beautiful in and it showed on my wedding day. I think you just need to pick your battles – how important is this to you. Will your mil wearing a gold dress ruin your entire day? will it take away from you marrying the man you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Post # 15
She’s 60, not dead. And yes it’s your wedding day, but it’s also her son’s wedding day and she’s probably excited. It doesn’t reflect badly on you if she shows up overdressed, but it does if you tell her she’s going to upstage you or if you are seriously thinking about cropping her out of photos later!
Post # 16
I can understand why you’re upset but I’d let it go unless your FI is uncomfortable with the way she dresses (i.e. it’s inappropriate rather than just too dressy)
From how you described her she seems like she’s a very fashionable person and obviously has a lot of interest in clothing.
I’m kind of the same way – I never wear pants to work and I always tend to be overdressed for events. But it’s not because I’m trying to upstage anyone, I just LIKE dressing up – just because other people want to dress casually for an event doesn’t mean I have to (I personally hate how casual and sloppy everything has gotten). She may be the same way.