Dear Older Brother…Man the F#CK UP!!! (long)

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

That whole situation stinks 🙁 I’m sorry you have to deal with that.  I think we all have at least one family member that we would love to slap some sense into. I think you should be proud of the way you are and that you aren’t like your brother.

Post # 4
238 posts
Helper bee

@ShabbyChicBee:  I can see why you’re frustrated! You’re doing your best to be financially responsible, and your brother doesn’t have it all figured out yet.

However, you can’t be mad at him if your mother chooses to continuously help him out with money. That’s between those two.

I can sense you’re a little bitter, but don’t take out all of your frustatration about he situation on your brother. Your mother is enabling him, so part of that is her fault. If she can’t say no then of course he’ll continue to seek her help. I’m not saying he’s a bad person for doing that, but sometimes it just takes other people longer to get grip on their financial situation.

As for who is paying for who’s wedding. Honestly, you sound fairly mad that your FSIL’s family has the money to pay for their wedding. Maybe they saved up for the occassion; it’s usually tradition for the bride’s family to cover all or most of wedding related costs. Mind your own business with that situation.

Overall, I think finances are a very touchy subject for most people. I don’t think it’s your place to judge anyone’s arrangement. Yes, you might not agree with it. But if you’re going to give your mother money out of the “kindness” of your heart then you have no right to belittle how she spends her money or your brother’s financial situation. It does seem frustrating, but its just not your place…

Post # 5
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oh your poor Mom! 🙁

Post # 6
5883 posts
Bee Keeper

There’s pretty much one ‘user’ in most families, but it really burns me when the people who can least afford it are always the ones that get hit up. I’m guessing he’d never ask you to give him a hand, so instead keeps going to his source of all bailouts. I’m hoping she turned him down (but it doesn’t sound like it).

You’ll probably have to have a real sitdown with your Mom and stress how she needs to practice saying NO. That’s really the only way to get it to stop.

And yes….this IS your business. Good for you for helping her out. She still needs help with the other,tho. Good Luck!

Post # 7
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ShabbyChicBee:  Im so sorry for you and your Mom. Your brother is not fair. Your Mom needs to let him learn by not helping him out this time.


Post # 8
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m sorry you’re going through this 🙁

Post # 9
4076 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your brother really does need to get it together and start paying his own way.


But I think your mom needs to do her part too, she needs to stand up for herself and not pay his expenses. If she can afford it, that’s fine, but it doesn’t sound like she has the extra funds to bail him out every time. So I would say she also needs to man up.

Post # 10
238 posts
Helper bee

@ItWasntMe:  Unless either of them ask for her financial assistance, it’s NOT her business. They are both adults. I would never want my sister’s advice about my finances unless I asked for it. 

It’s not logical to assume someone wants financial advice. 

Post # 11
1706 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ummm did we miss the part where OP gives her. Mom money to get by? If I were handing over $100 a month I’d be pissed it was going to someone else too,

Post # 12
6631 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I get where you are coming from, my brother only comes around my parents when he either needs money or to “borrow” something. 

However your mom needs to develop a back bone and start saying no to your brother or it will always be a never ending cycle, of you give her money and she in turn gives it to your brother. 

Either that or you need to stop helping your mom out, then she can’t give money out…

Post # 14
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Persoanlly I would be unable to hold back from telling the brother exactly what I thought. It is time for him to not only stop relying on his Mother and to start HELPING her instead! I understand why people need to keep quiet but boy I would be fuming!

Post # 15
31 posts
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m really sorry your mom has to go through that. That sucks! Hang in there, and be there for your mom. Unfortunately, there’s no changing people like that until they choose to change themselves.

On another note, I have to say I’m relieved to see someone else as frustrated as I am with their bro and (F)SIL. My brother is the same way. Well actually, he is not very materialistic, but his wife is, and he doesn’t have the balls to say no to her for anything/thinks my mom and dad are an endless gold mine. To be fair, I can’t say they’re both all that bad. I enjoy their company most of the time, but certain things about them both realllyyy piss me off.

Post # 16
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

After reading your original post, I’m still pretty baffled about the hotel bill fiasco. What precisely happened? Because from what I’m reading, I gather that the party guests funded the couple’s room and then couldn’t pay for the rest of their stuff? Why is that anyone’s problem but their own (not your brother’s or his fiancee’s)? Or am I confused about something?


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