Post # 1
My older brother really takes the cake on this one. Brother and FSIL are getting married in 2 weeks with a huge lavish ceremony paid for by her parents, hey – whatever floats your boat. FI and I on the other hand, are thrilled to host small outdoor wedding in April because we’d rather save what little money we have; and neither side of the family is contributing. I know better than to ask anyone for help – these are difficult times for everyone. I’m okay with all this because honestly? #1) We both have always wanted a small wedding and #2) I’d rather pay for it myself so I can do things my way and I don’t have to answer to anyone :))))
My mother has some money and a house that is paid for, but is retired and has to live very frugally – and she doesn’t let me forget it. Being the wonderful daughter that I am, I give her about $100 a month so that she doesn’t have to dip into her savings, and I am beyond happy to do it because she’s my best friend.
My mother informs me this weekend that my douchebag brother asked for money because apparently their bachelor/bachelorette party didn’t go as planned. FSIL’s MOH was rallying for people to pay for the couples hotel room as a gift (We didnt go because we had to work), and after all the festivities, no one could even pay THEIR OWN ROOMS and they got raw-dogged in the A$$ with a $1300 hotel bill. Nice.
My aging and crippled mother has paid off vehicles, speeding tickets, an ex-girlfriends abortion, a F#CKING DIVORCE for this idiot to name a few, and I am doing my best to see to it that my mom can sleep at night without having to worry about finances. This fool suffers from “Keeping Up With the Joneses” and is constantly getting new stuff – they’re completely materialistic and always have to have something to brag about. Do I love him? of course. Do I like him? I’m gonna have to say no because he will be your best friend until he gets what he needs out of you and kicks you to the curb like a mutt in the street. I have learned the brutal way that FH and I need to keep a cordial distance.
I REALLYYYYY needed to vent because I know here in a few weeks I am going to get a teary phone call from Mother Dearest and guess who has to do damage control?? ME.
Post # 3
That whole situation stinks 🙁 I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I think we all have at least one family member that we would love to slap some sense into. I think you should be proud of the way you are and that you aren’t like your brother.
Post # 4
@ShabbyChicBee: I can see why you’re frustrated! You’re doing your best to be financially responsible, and your brother doesn’t have it all figured out yet.
However, you can’t be mad at him if your mother chooses to continuously help him out with money. That’s between those two.
I can sense you’re a little bitter, but don’t take out all of your frustatration about he situation on your brother. Your mother is enabling him, so part of that is her fault. If she can’t say no then of course he’ll continue to seek her help. I’m not saying he’s a bad person for doing that, but sometimes it just takes other people longer to get grip on their financial situation.
As for who is paying for who’s wedding. Honestly, you sound fairly mad that your FSIL’s family has the money to pay for their wedding. Maybe they saved up for the occassion; it’s usually tradition for the bride’s family to cover all or most of wedding related costs. Mind your own business with that situation.
Overall, I think finances are a very touchy subject for most people. I don’t think it’s your place to judge anyone’s arrangement. Yes, you might not agree with it. But if you’re going to give your mother money out of the “kindness” of your heart then you have no right to belittle how she spends her money or your brother’s financial situation. It does seem frustrating, but its just not your place…
Post # 6
There’s pretty much one ‘user’ in most families, but it really burns me when the people who can least afford it are always the ones that get hit up. I’m guessing he’d never ask you to give him a hand, so instead keeps going to his source of all bailouts. I’m hoping she turned him down (but it doesn’t sound like it).
You’ll probably have to have a real sitdown with your Mom and stress how she needs to practice saying NO. That’s really the only way to get it to stop.
And yes….this IS your business. Good for you for helping her out. She still needs help with the other,tho. Good Luck!
Post # 7
@ShabbyChicBee: Im so sorry for you and your Mom. Your brother is not fair. Your Mom needs to let him learn by not helping him out this time.
Post # 8
I’m sorry you’re going through this 🙁
Post # 9
Your brother really does need to get it together and start paying his own way.
But I think your mom needs to do her part too, she needs to stand up for herself and not pay his expenses. If she can afford it, that’s fine, but it doesn’t sound like she has the extra funds to bail him out every time. So I would say she also needs to man up.
Post # 10
@ItWasntMe: Unless either of them ask for her financial assistance, it’s NOT her business. They are both adults. I would never want my sister’s advice about my finances unless I asked for it.
It’s not logical to assume someone wants financial advice.
Post # 11
Ummm did we miss the part where OP gives her. Mom money to get by? If I were handing over $100 a month I’d be pissed it was going to someone else too,
Post # 12
I get where you are coming from, my brother only comes around my parents when he either needs money or to “borrow” something.
However your mom needs to develop a back bone and start saying no to your brother or it will always be a never ending cycle, of you give her money and she in turn gives it to your brother.
Either that or you need to stop helping your mom out, then she can’t give money out…
Post # 13
Definitely not mad and/or jealous. I COULD have a big fancy wedding if we wanted to, but we’d be putting it off for a while to do so, and I just dont have the attention span to put that much effort into it. FYI: FSIL DID tell me her parents are putting it all on credit. She willingly told me their financial history, so I did not invite that info NOR can I un-know it. I appreciate your honest advice though.
And it’s technically not belittling anything. You are right in the sense that enabling my mom by giving her money thus enables my brother to be foolish when she gives him money. This post was just to get some frustrations off my chest because as we bees all know, sometimes is better to just keep your mouth shut in real life.
Thank you to the other bees for your support! i talked to my mom yesterday and assured me it wasn’t going to happen. It just makes me so upset that my brother thinks my mom is this bigs money tree to bail him out all the time.
#vent over lol
Post # 14
Persoanlly I would be unable to hold back from telling the brother exactly what I thought. It is time for him to not only stop relying on his Mother and to start HELPING her instead! I understand why people need to keep quiet but boy I would be fuming!
Post # 15
I’m really sorry your mom has to go through that. That sucks! Hang in there, and be there for your mom. Unfortunately, there’s no changing people like that until they choose to change themselves.
On another note, I have to say I’m relieved to see someone else as frustrated as I am with their bro and (F)SIL. My brother is the same way. Well actually, he is not very materialistic, but his wife is, and he doesn’t have the balls to say no to her for anything/thinks my mom and dad are an endless gold mine. To be fair, I can’t say they’re both all that bad. I enjoy their company most of the time, but certain things about them both realllyyy piss me off.
Post # 16
After reading your original post, I’m still pretty baffled about the hotel bill fiasco. What precisely happened? Because from what I’m reading, I gather that the party guests funded the couple’s room and then couldn’t pay for the rest of their stuff? Why is that anyone’s problem but their own (not your brother’s or his fiancee’s)? Or am I confused about something?