- 3 years ago
Hello! I’m a Jewish convert- converted Conservative in 2009, married in a Jewish ceremony that same year(I converted for me, not for him, but it helped!), divorced(and got my get, hoping to remarry at some point.) I LOVE being a Jew. I’m not a good Jew, but I am a true blue Jew. I was raised in two households, one fundamental Southern Baptist, one atheist(and lesbian!). I grew up pretty open-minded.
Now I’ve fallen in love with a Christian. He grew up strongly Christian, for Australia, but now he’s pretty lukewarm- doesn’t go to church, still believes in God but, meh on the other stuff. We were talking about how we wanted to school our children, and he told me about the very Christian school he and his siblings attended, where the parents had to come to sex education with them(ugh), so everyone was too shy to ask any questions. He wouldn’t send his kids there for the world.
As a Jew, I’ve struggled with interfaith relationships. I don’t judge others for their choices, and really, who can choose their basherts? (Not me…. Lord knows.) But I knew that even while I don’t keep kosher, I still wanted to have a Jewish family and not assimilate. I think it’s a shame. I never promote this view, because it’s pretty private. But now I feel torn, and horrible. I feel like to marry my love, I’ll have to put extra work into raising my kids Jewish. I don’t even know if that will work.
Now I’m happy, but it’s frustrating. I’ve been pretty clear about the place of Judaism in my life. My sweetie is just not interested. He knows that I want to raise the kids Jewish, but it’s not of any interest or concern to him. I understand that- I certainly appreciate that he’s not rabidly Christian, I would be fairly uncomfortable with that. I would love it if he converted, but Judaism bans conversions for the sake of marriage, for excellent reasons. So I’m okay with this, but I want him to know what he’s getting into. Mostly a whole lot of not much, but during the wedding planning, when we have kids, when we move in together, there will be a whole lot of Jewin’ goin’ on.
I asked him to attend Intro to Judaism classes. It’s really neat, actually- there is a liberal synagogue in Adelaide, with a rabbi who is from DC, not too far from me! Homegirl! He seemed put off, but willing to give it a shot. I just don’t know. We’ll see. He does understand that my kids will be Jewish, and he seems okay with that. I haven’t quite put it to him as baldly as buying him the “Jewish Dad” sweatshirt yet, but I explained that for us to communicate, to live together and function, he’ll need to have a grip on the basics. He didn’t even know the word mitzvah. Oy vey.
Anyway, *sigh* I feel kind of fucked up not having a “real” Jewish wedding. I haven’t even brought up vows with him yet- he talks about “for better or for worse”, so on, so forth. I mean, I’m okay with that- I have a Christian background, so those words also resonate with me. But I’m not sure how to get married so that I feel “for real” as a Jewish bride. Sign a fake ketubah? Ehhhhh!