Dear Penthouse, I never thought it would happen to me… Jew/Christian

posted 2 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 2
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

If your FI supports your decision to raise your children Jewish then I think you will be just fine. My mother is Jewish and my father was raised Catholic. He never converted. We were raised Jewish and my father supported that. We celebrated all the Jewish holidays, went to synagogue on the high holidays (my father didn’t join us), we went to hebrew school and had our bar/bat mitzvahs. We also celebrated Christmas and Easter with my father’s side of the family. We loved it! It also helped that my father’s family supported his decision to raise his children Jewish. It can be done.

As far as the Jewish wedding. I’m not sure I can help you. My FI is Methodist and we’re having a civil ceremony because neither of us are religious in any way.

Post # 4
Member
11 posts
Newbee

I’m a devout Christian and knew I would only marry another true Christian.  That’s different in your case because of course our views on Jesus, which are fine btw. I have Jewish friends who I adore! I only see a problem if your husband had the strong belief in Jesus that many Christians do. If he’s on the fence I don’t see much of a problem.but do be prepared as many times Christians stray for a while and go back full force. This is when compromise comes into play.

Teach them the aspects of both religions if this comes into play, and let your children decide for themselves. His family may have troubles with you raising your children jewish but they are YoUR future children and the outside family has no say. Do expect however for some to push their beliefs regularly. I love my faith but ill Admit some people can be too pushy.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  mudgirl420.
Post # 5
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I am like you, I converted to Judaism for me. I dated only Jewish guys and lo and behold I fall in love with and get engaged to an atheist. I stopped going to Temple a few years ago, and I don’t think religion will be a factor in our marriage at all.

However, your man does not need to be Jewish, even if you’re thinking about kids. Halakha is clear that only the mother needs to be Jewish to beget Jewish children.

If he is supportive of your religion and is ok with raising your children Jewish, I say don’t even worry about his religious affiliation. You love him, so you should just let him be himself.

I don’t know how things are in Conservative Judaism, but I’ve seen interfaith couples sign ketubot. There are many rabbis willing to perform interfaith marriages. Is it just him not being Jewish that makes it not a “real” Jewish wedding in your eyes? I’m just struggling to understand.

see here: http://www.interfaithfamily.com/life_cycle/weddings/The_Jewish_Marriage_Contract_(Ketubah).shtml

It mentions interfaith couples signing ketubot.

Post # 7
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

If you identify with reconstructionist or even reform, I know you can have an interfaith marriage in the synagogue or temple. As long as your rabbi understands that you will be raising jewish babies, and you’ll keep a Jewish household, I don’t see why most forward thinking rabbis would say no.

And you can order ketubot online. Find someone who’ll officiate, because I’m sure your man knows how to sign his name, even if it isn’t in Hebrew 😉 (I signed my conversion document in Hebrew, so I don’t know if that’s the norm)

I think you’re assuming the worst before you’ve even started inquiring in the Jewish world. All you can do is ask! I hope you find a rabbi willing to work with you guys.

Post # 8
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

paxie:  my advice is to bring your man to Friday services, holiday services, or host a Shabbat dinner at home. Give him a preview of what this life is like.

And my advice is to tell the mom soon. Just tell her “hey, just a heads up, but our kids will be raised jewish. I know you all are a bit religious, but I figured you would want to know now. They won’t be mutants– we’ll be there for Christmas dinner, but we’ll also have some holidays for you guys to join US on.”

Post # 9
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You can certainly have an interfaith ketubah. My FI is Jewish, while I am not. Our rabbi said there were really only a few lines that he saw as essential to a Jewish ketubah, and then we rewrote the rest to include a lot of the things we think are important for a marriage. Then we will have it in English and Hebrew. The only other thing our rabbi required was 2 Jewish witnesses to sign it. (We could still have non-Jewish witnesses sign it, but at least 2 of them needed to be Jewish.) So it can certainly be done! Particularly if your FI is Christian, many of the wordings still apply a bit, such as references to Moses and so forth. Whether you feel that it is a real Jewish ketubah, given he is not Jewish, is another matter of course. 

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