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Maybe you caught my post earlier today... stupid me, it was too good to be true.
I got word that my grandmother had a massive stroke today and will not be recovering. She is comfort measures only, and will be passing away sometime between immediately and a few days.
I live a plane ride away from her, and will not be travelling to say goodbye. My heart is breaking for my dad----who is to be celebrating his daughter's wedding in 5 days. How do you do that while you're mourning your mother's death?
What a bad start to my wedding week. I just feel terrible for my dad. The wedding is still on---although many guests will no longer be coming. Which is completely understandable.
What do I do? I don't know what to do. Is it wrong to have the wedding? Everyone is flying in....they've bought flights, hotel rooms, gifts. I don't know what to do.
Im so sorry for your loss, babe. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.
Have you talked to your dad about what he thinks about you going ahead with the wedding?
@zippylef: He said he refuses to cancel it. That life is more important. :( I just wanted him to have an amazing weekend. Now he's going to be exhausted---emotionally and physcially.
Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother! That's just so unfortunate. Would you lose a lot of money if you cancelled? I would call your vendors to see. If you would lose a lot of money, if so I think you should still have the wedding. People will understand. You can't control circumstances, but you can still try to celebrate your new life together. You could do something nice at the reception to honor her, like a sweetheart table with a longstem rose in a trumpet vase. It would be nice to honor her still.
@VirginiaMarie: I mean, if your dad wants to go ahead... then I would. Im sure your grandmother would have wanted you guys to get married and go ahead with your plans.
@MightySapphire: Thanks mighty. You're right. We will do something nice for her. I was so calm and happy and this just tipped me over the edge I think.
@VirginiaMarie.....So Sorry for your loss! Not a great way to start your week. So sad that you won't be able to attend funeral services for her.
DON'T cancel the wedding! DO incorporate a special tribute to your grandmother during the ceremony. The wedding will allow your father and other family members to remember her long ife as well as celebrate your future. The wedding will allow your father a good chance to get his mind off of things and focus on you for the weekend. He is giving you his blessing to continue with the wedding - go for it! He is right, life and your future life with your husband is important just as much as her life was!
i completely agree with @MrsJKH2be
so sorry for your loss... :( but i think your grandma would want you to get married. definitely have a tribute to her, and if nothing else it will keep your father's mind busy...
Oh Virginia Marie,
I am sooo very sorry for you, your dad, and your family. My daughter got married exactly one month after my mom died last year. I know that my mom's spirit was there. I could totally feel her and my dad's presence, and although bittersweet that my mom could not be present in some ways for my daughter's wedding, it was good to have family present to come together, and to be able to celebrate a happy occasion with family after such grief. Your dad knows that life is worth living and he is right that your wedding should go on. I know that your grandmother would want you to also. Focus on the good, the wedding is love, and family. Sorry if this is rambling. I am wishing you a very happy wedding day, and a long and happy marriage. Blessings.
My grandmother died today, and my wedding is in just under 4 weeks...I so feel you on this. In lieu of a funeral, my grandmother asked that we scatter her ashes in 3 different places, one of which is by my wedding venue. So, since the whole extended family will be together for the wedding, we're going to spread them together the day after. Not the cheery Sunday I was hoping for, but I think it will be a meaningful and healing way for my FI and I to start our marriage.
Have the wedding. It will be wonderful. Everyone will need a reason to be grateful for life and happy for love.
My grandfather died on June 14th this year. Our wedding was on the 26th... just twelve days later. It is hard. But it was honestly the best way to spend our time after such a tragedy. It will feel weird and it will be really--I mean really--hard. But guess what? Your wedding will still be perfect and you will still be HAPPY!
DO NOT feel bad for being happy. Do not feel guilty or embarrassed that you will be having a great time. Everyone will be so happy for you. Unfortunately, such is life. Be thankful for this many years with your grandmother and be thankful that it happened 5 days before and not the day of.
I also want to say that I am truly sorry for your loss. I hope that your whole family and all of your wedding guests all appreciate you and your decision. Good luck!
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.
I'm hesitant to say what your grandmother would have wanted, since I don't know her, but I hope you're able to come to a resolution that brings you peace.
I'm so sorry Virginia Maria :-( I hope your grandmother is not in any pain and is able to leave this earth in peace. I can't even imagine how difficult this must be for you. I think you should still have your wedding - it might be a good way to bring joy to people who are mourning right now AND I am sure that your grandmother would have wanted you to continue with it. I hope you are able to find comfort in friends and family that will be surrounding you in the next few days. You and your family will definitely be in my thoughts.
I'm so sorry for your loss. But I do think you should go forward with the wedding and find some special way to honor your grandmother.
Well, thank you for the kind words. She passed away just this morning.
@clarebee: thank you so much----good luck to you on Saturday.
Virginia Marie, I'm so sorry honey. My grandmother had a massive stroke last July and passed in August on the night of our engagement dinner. This is a really hard time for you and your family, I'm so sorry sweetie. Go ahead with the wedding. Your grandmother wouldn't have wanted you to delay it on her account. She would have wanted you to have the wedding you've been dreaming of and waiting for. As much as you're worried that it'll be weird for your dad, it may give him (and all your relatives) a break from being sad.
This is going to sound silly, but at my grandmother's funeral we had a police escort between the funeral home and the cemetary. The police were putting on this well coordinated show of shutting off major streets and intersections while we zoomed through at twice the speed limit. Talking with my relatives later it turns out we were all laughing in our cars about how it was like out of a movie and my Omi would have loved it. I think we all just needed the break even if just for a few minutes. It's strange to look back on a funeral fondly, but that's what I remember, that she would have loved it!
I think a memorial or tribute to her would be perfect. I'm having a digital picture frame out with photos of people who couldn't be with us. I'm also putting roses in my centrepieces and bouquet because they were her favourite, and my florist is putting aside a single rose for me to take to the cemetary for her. What about a donation to the Heart and Stroke foundation?
Thinking of you sweetie, both your happy times and your sad. ((hugs))
I agree with bakerella whole heartedly - last year in the middle of our vacation - FIs grandpa passed away. It was really really hard. All the family got together and we were going through his things. He always told a lot of jokes and we found his joke book. We all read his jokes all night and laughed because we were remembering him so fondly. I'm sure it is not going to be easy, but we are always stronger than we give ourselves credit for. I am happy that your grandmother did not suffer and was able to go in peace. I'm most sorry that you were not able to say goodbye and I'm sure that is not an easy thing for you. I think it would be very special for you to do something in remembrance of your grandmother.
Good luck to you as well...your day will be beautiful, happy, vibrant, special and amazing - even though its probably hard to think so right now!
I'm very sorry for you and @crayfish's losses.
I agree with most of the other bees and your Dad. Talk with your family and FI and come up with a solution. The wedding may be just what your family needs to break from mourning. Your FI and you still deserve your special day to be happy and celebrate.
VirginiaMarie - I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I know it's difficult...it's never easy for those left behind, but I think your grandmother would have wanted you to continue on with your wedding. It's very sad and emotionally exhausting, but it would be wonderful to honor her in some way. I'm sure she had a wonderful life and she'll be there with you in spirit.
Good luck on Saturday - I hope you really enjoy yourself and everyone else can too.
@VirginiaMarie: I am so sorry for your loss. It must be such a bittersweet time for you. I sort of know how you must feel. I was/am in almost a similar situation. My aunt, who has terminal cancer, was admited to the hospital last Saturday, we've gotten bad and good news from the doctors as to how her health is maintaining. As of yesterday, she was doing much better, but early last week, one doctor gave her only a week. It broke my heart, and even though we have gotten better news since then, and she is getting better, it still hurts. The chances of her getting out of the hospital (if even possible) in time for my wedding on Friday are slim, and I knew she really really wanted to be there. My FI even promised her a dance. 
It's painful, but what can you do? We have to go on with everything as planned. I hope you have a beautiful wedding. Try not to dwell on it, your guests will be eager to celebrate with you still. And congratulations!
aw I am so sorry, here we all are thinking the worst thing that could happen would be Mrs Crazy objects and then life takes an unexpected turn something really sad has happened. I'm sure your gradmother would have wanted you to go on with your wedding. I hope you have a beautiful wedding and good luck.
@VirginiaMarie: OMG, i am so sorry for your loss and everything that you are going through right now... i pray that your wedding will be the bright light and cheerful celebration of love that can turn this time of mourning into a time of rememberance of your grandmother as well. good luck!!!!!
I'm so sorry for your loss...=/ I agree with pps, though, that your grandma would want you to be happy during this time in your life. I hope you have a wonderful, beautiful wedding...GL.
@VirginiaMarie: So, so sorry for your loss and all the saddness it brings. Instead of morning her loss, celebrate her life. Perhaps raise a toast in her honor or light a candle in her memory?
If your dad refuses to cancel, and you do too, then go ahead with the wedding and remember it's better to celebrate life than morn a death. I'm sure your grandmother will be watching from Heaven and smiling as you get married.
She may not be there in person, but I'm certain she'll be there in spirit.
Take time to grieve then take time to celebrate all the years you had with her. :)
I am so sorry for your loss @VirginiaMarie. I agree with all of the other Bees who posted before me that said you should have some kind of tribute to remember your grandmother. I also agree with everyone who said that the wedding should be a time to celebrate and will hopefully break up the sadness of such a terrible loss in your family. Remember that this weekend is your wedding day- the day you have been dreaming about since forever and you should celebrate that. I think your father is right, celebrate life!
I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with others in that your grandmother would want you to go on and have a beautiful wedding!!! Hang in there and I hope you have a beautiful wedding!
I am very sorry for your loss and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
VirginiaMarie, my thoughts and prayers are with you, and your family. May God grant you strength and comfort as your Grandma is now at peace and resting with Him.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family. I am sure, however, that your grandmother will be there on your wedding day sending you love and helping in that way that only she can.
Do not cancel. Honor her during the ceremony instead.
I guess for peace of mind, I'd say "what would she have wanted you to do?"
Definitely don't cancel, just make sure to pay special tribute to her during the ceremony, or at the reception. My grandfather passed away a few months ago, and he knew he wouldn't make it to my wedding. He told me that he and my nana would have the best seats in the house, and that even though they wouldn't be there physically, they'd be there.
I'm so sorry for your loss :(
The weather has been calling for thunderstorms on Saturday. Today, after my grandmother passed...the weather report doesn't have a cloud in sight! Thanks, Nana.
I am so sorry to hear this. I do not think you should cancel it- you grandmother would not want that. My grandmother died a couple weeks ago and it has been really hard on our family as well. They think it was a stroke or heart attack also. But I know that she is in a better place, free of pain, and will still be watching over us on our wedding day. I am sure the same is true for your grandmother.
My grandmother lost her husband 39 years ago and some of the verses we found in her Bible helped her through his death and are comforting to read for us upon her passing. One is Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
It is strange how things happen, the timing and all but I hope you find time to celebrate both your grandmother's life and your upcoming marriage!
@VirginiaMarie: Aww that is so beautiful!!! I hope the sun shines brightly on your day and if it does, you will be able to feel some warmth coming from your Nana. :-)
Oh, Virginia, I am so sorry! And For you, too Crayfish!
Please continue with the wedding. I am sure that is what your Nana would have wanted! I will be thinking about you and your families!
Oh hun so sorry to hear of your loss. A friend of my FI was getting married and very sadly his father passed away that very morning. It was exspected. The bride being the thoughtful girl she is had already arranged for a star to be named after the father. She put the paper work in a frame to hang on the wall, then wrapped the whole thing with beautiful paper and bows. She gave this to her mother-in-law (who did go to the reception) during the speeches. There was not a dry eye in the house but we all felt it was a good way to be remembered. I hope this idea helps yourself. The best to you.
@VirginiaMarie, I'm so very sorry for your loss and your entire family who lost her as well. I think a tribute during the ceremony would be lovely. Do you have a sibling or cousin that could read a poem of your choosing then at the end say something like "that was dedicated to our nana who sadly is no longer with us, but will always remain in our hearts" something like that?
Again, so sorry for your loss.
@VirginiaMarie, I'l sorry for your and your families loss. This happened to me four days before I got married. Although it was not easy, we went ahead with the wedding. My grandmother said that I was to follow through no matter what happened. My family, being extremely private, told no one but immediate family. (I'd change that, in retrospect) We never even told the photographer which was a huge mistake. This was quite a few years ago, and back then not many pictures were taken. The ones that were, showed a tinge of sadness, and I haven't really shared them with anyone.
For the love of your grandmother and father, go ahead and marry your dear FI. Find a way to honor your family--either as a whole if that's easier, or specifically your grandmother. My thoughts and prayers and good wishes are with you as your go through this week of preparation.
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