Post # 1
I haven’t had many deaths in my family. I thank God for that, especially when I thought I was going to lose my father 11 months ago. I cried for days, but through the grace of God, he will be walking me down the aisle come September.
Today, my fiance recieved some horrible news; his uncle on his father’s side died in a car accident. He was a wreck for a while and I held him as tight as he would let me while he cried. After he cried he just became so stoic and numb. It was pretty scary how empty his eyes went. Tomorrow I am going to cook for his family (his mother is a worse wreck and I don’t think she’s up for “choirs”) because thats what I do when things go wrong….I cook and eat. Other than being a shoulder to cry on and feeding people, I really don’t know how to handle this.
My wedding is in less than 1 month and 22 days and I don’t know what to do. Do I just keep at the wedding stuff (I have a lot of DIYs) and be gentle (tip toe around my inlaws and fiance) or completely push everything for a later date?
Can anyone give me advice? I just want to be helpful and supportive during this time.
Post # 3
You are doing great! Continue to support your FI and his family, cooking and cleaning and grabbing groceries etc. will be a huge relief. I would keep doing your projects, as long as you feel you are spending enough time with FI. Everyone grieves differently, some people bury everything and then go on about their business right away, others grieve openly and cannot function for weeks. Just be flexible and open to listen and be a shoulder to lean on.
Post # 4
Keep going with the wedding as planned. Don’t change your plans. Just ask FI or his family what you can do. Cook, help pick up. See if there’s anything you can do to make the funeral easier on them. Offer to drive, take care of pets at home, etc. I’m in the opposite situation. My family’s dropping off like flies where FI still has great grandparents and his biggest loss is his cat and dog. All I needed was his presence. He drove me home so I could attend some funerals. In some cases, he watched our dogs. He drove us to the funeral home to the cemetary to the reception cite. Ask what they need to make this time easier for them and just keep being supportive.
Post # 5
I’ve lost alot of my family. Personally, I would keep the date, but if it really concerns you, maybe asks your fi what he thinks about it after his shock wears off. I remember hearing about my cusin’s engagement while at my father’s funeral. While he was embarrassed, and even demanded to know who told me (my sister) but it brought me alot of joy and lifted my spirits. I even smiled and laughed.
As far as what you can do, just do like you said. Be a shoulder to cry on. Help with chores. And bring food. I received a few cards, and I loved them. They brought me such joy to read, and re-read. Such acts of service are the best things you can do.
Post # 6
@Miss Moxy: Just be a support to your fiance. If he wants to visit his dad or grandparents, go with him. If he wants to stay at home, stay with him / visit a lot (depending on whether you live with him). I think cooking for his family is a wonderful, wonderful thing to do.
Don’t postpone the wedding. Certainly don’t talk weddings in the leadup to the funeral or soon after, unless asked. But FI’s uncle wouldn’t want it postponed, and his family will love to have September 28 to look forward too.