Death in FFIL's family. Don't know how to react.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1499 posts
Bumble bee

You are doing great! Continue to support your FI and his family, cooking and cleaning and grabbing groceries etc. will be a huge relief. I would keep doing your projects, as long as you feel you are spending enough time with FI. Everyone grieves differently, some people bury everything and then go on about their business right away, others grieve openly and cannot function for weeks. Just be flexible and open to listen and be a shoulder to lean on.

Post # 4
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Keep going with the wedding as planned. Don’t change your plans. Just ask FI or his family what you can do. Cook, help pick up. See if there’s anything you can do to make the funeral easier on them. Offer to drive, take care of pets at home, etc. I’m in the opposite situation. My family’s dropping off like flies where FI still has great grandparents and his biggest loss is his cat and dog. All I needed was his presence. He drove me home so I could attend some funerals. In some cases, he watched our dogs. He drove us to the funeral home to the cemetary to the reception cite. Ask what they need to make this time easier for them and just keep being supportive.

Post # 5
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’ve lost alot of my family.  Personally, I would keep the date, but if it really concerns you, maybe asks your fi what he thinks about it after his shock wears off.  I remember hearing about my cusin’s engagement while at my father’s funeral.  While he was embarrassed, and even demanded to know who told me (my sister) but it brought me alot of joy and lifted my spirits.  I even smiled and laughed. 

As far as what you can do, just do like you said.  Be a shoulder to cry on.  Help with chores.  And bring food.  I received a few cards, and I loved them.  They brought me such joy to read, and re-read.  Such acts of service are the best things you can do. 

Post # 6
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Miss Moxy:  Just be a support to your fiance. If he wants to visit his dad or grandparents, go with him. If he wants to stay at home, stay with him / visit a lot (depending on whether you live with him). I think cooking for his family is a wonderful, wonderful thing to do.

Don’t postpone the wedding. Certainly don’t talk weddings in the leadup to the funeral or soon after, unless asked. But FI’s uncle wouldn’t want it postponed, and his family will love to have September 28 to look forward too.

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