Post # 1
My great uncle passed away last night, and I need some advice. =/
I had planned to send out invites today, but now I’m not sure how the envelope should be addressed. I hired a calligrapher to address my envelopes, and I had her address the envelope with his and his wife’s name, ex. Mr. & Mrs. Mickey Mouse.
And now I think it should just be my great aunt’s name, so I asked the calligrapher to make a new envelope with just her name – ex. Mrs. Minnie Mouse.
But, my mom thinks “it’s too soon to cut him off the invite list” because “he’s not even burried yet” and we should just send the original envelope with both names. She’s a bit distraught ATM, so I’m trying not to be insensitive… but this doesn’t sound right to me at all.
What is the proper etiquette here?
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@PrincessBride27: It sounds like your mom is also a bit distraught… obviously he needs to be off the guest list because you KNOW he won’t be attending.
Post # 4
I would probably hold off sending the invite for at least a week or two. When you do, I’d just put Mrs. Minnie Mouse
Post # 5
That is a tricky situation. I would go with the invite with just her name.
Post # 6
I thought a read somewhere that a widow should be mrs and her husbands name. So, Mrs. Mickey Mouse. Can anyone confirm that?
Post # 8
@PrincessBride27: I agree with PP. She just lost her husband, wait to send out an invite for your wedding for a few weeks, but when you do send it only to her.
Post # 9
I’m with your mother – I think the magnitude/flood of emotions from him already being off (“this is my new life – every future invitation will only be adressed to me”), vs him still being on (“i’ll have to go to this event without him”) is worse. and if you get them out today.. who says you didn’t drop them off yesterday?
Post # 10
Whatever you do, don’t use her maiden name – she keeps her married name as a widow.
🙁 I’m sorry for your loss.
Post # 11
Etiquette Snob here…
OK I’ll answer the Question about titles of address first:
Mr. & Mrs. John Black = Married
Mrs. John Black = Widowed (Traditional)
Mrs. Jane Black = Widowed (Modern)
Ms. Jane Black = Divorced
*NOTE – The choice of a Widow to go by her Hubby’s Name (Tradtional) or her own (Modern) is one that she should decide. If in doubt go with the most formal / traditional format.
Now as to the issue of the Death…
In this situation no matter what you do is going to be a difficult choice for you… and painful for the Grieving Woman…
Here are suggestions…
Either put them into the mail IMMEDIATELY so they are post-marked today.
Wait a week or two (depends I suppose on how much leadtime you have to play with in regards to the RSVPs)… two weeks would be better… in which case it would be addressed to only her.
The latter would be my first choice in this situation.
However, be aware that your Aunt may altho be quite grateful for the Invite, she may choose not to attend… many a Grieving person although in modern life choosing to get back into a social setting more quicker than in past generations, still often find larege events to be too overwhelming for a few months.
Hope this helps,
Post # 12
I would just put her name. It would just be awful reminder to see his name and know he can’t obviously come.
Post # 13
This is a hard situation – thank you everyone for your input
@This Time Round: Thanks for the advice – our RSVP date is June 15. I was actually hoping to get these last week, but we’ve been held up because the stamps took forever to get here. I think I can definitely wait a week (and I will have to wait a bit anyway for the envelope to be addressed), but do you think two weeks would be cutting it too close? I also added a new option to the poll at your suggestion (Mrs. Mickey Mouse).
Post # 14
When my Pap (Grandfather) passed away last year my Nan got upset very easily seeing his name on things, I bought him a magazine subscription for his birthday and she asked me to change the address on it so it came to me instead as she found it too hard.
so I would say, post your other invites and post the one to your Great Aunt at a later date, only naming her on the invite dependent on what your mum thinks at that time, when everyone is so early on in the grieving process it is difficult to get rational answers, so just give them all a bit of time
Post # 15
How about “The Mouse Family”?
This way it avoids conflict, especially if they have no children living with them.
Post # 16
Personally, I would send out all of your invitations to everyone but her and her immediate family. Maybe have your mom hand deliever it in a week or two without her name addressed.