Post # 1
I’m trying to pick out my bridesmaids. I have three that I’m certain of (family, long-term friends) and my fiance is only having three groomsman. However, I have two friends that I’m close to that I feel weird leaving out–but they don’t like each other! One of these friends I talk to more than the other and invites me to do stuff more often. She is also very into wedding stuff and has never been a bridesmaid. The other friend is not really a "wedding person", and I’m not sure she’d enjoy doing the bridesmaid thing and might be happier as a guest. There’s a very good chance she would be okay with not being a bridesmaid…but you never know. On the other hand, I know the other friend will be disappointed if I don’t ask her.
Sorry if this doesn’t make sense or sounds selfish. I guess I’m just looking for advice from those who have been in this situation. If I ask neither, the one friend will be upset. If I ask that friend, my other friend may or may not be upset. My fiance doesn’t want it to be too uneven, and I’m not sure what would happen if I asked both since they don’t like each other. Blech!
Post # 3
They might be able to carve up the bridesmaid duties so they don’t have to work together? One of them could head up the shower, the other one the bachelorette… and the only time they’d have to really spend a lot of time together would be the parties themselves and the wedding day?
Alternatively, you could ask family (sisters, cousins) to be your BM’s?
Post # 4
If I were going to pick one, I’d go ahead and pick the other. Hopefully you’ll be able to arrange it to where they don’t do too much together, or are just attending the same events and can keep their distance.
I’m in a kind of similar situation. One of my MOHs really doesn’t like one of my bridesmaids. I definitely understand where she was coming from, but I couldn’t leave this bridesmaid out for a number of reasons. So I’m hoping all can go relatively smoothly :/
Post # 5
I think if you ask them both to be in it, it’s reasonable to expect that they’ll put aside their differences leading up to and on your big day, since it’s not about them, it’s about your wedding – and you can feel free to tell them that seriously and directly when you ask them (separately of course). Maybe it would make them respect each other a little more in the end?
Post # 6
So your fiance is set with his three. ANd you already have three as well? It’s just that you are thinking of one or both of these other friends. Do I have that right?
It sounds like the easiest thing for you and FI is to ask neither. Fi will get his even BP. You won’t ahve to choose. And the friends will be on an even playing field. It is sweet that you are considering the one friend who would love to be a Bm and has never been before. Does she have a sister or another close friend for whom she is likely to be a BM? Also, with the friend who probably wouldn’t care, would it matter if the other friend was a BM? I could see someone not being bothered too much, but if another friend (on an equal level and wom she didnt like) was in the wedding, I could see her being hurt by that.
See I would be concerned about them, like you are. I would say, either ask neither or ask both. Ugg, I said it. And I know your Fi wants the wedding party even. I did too for my wedding. But sometimes things in life and weddings don’t always work out as planned. Are there a couple of extra fellas who can stand with your FI?
And who knows, maybe the friend who doesn’t care to be a BM will look at the picture and think, (BM? Ugg. Friend I don’t get along with -worse.) "Umm I’m honored, but I’ll pass."
Post # 7
I have 4 girls in my wedding party, and my fiance has only 2 guys. He started off with 4 also, but it’s a long story. If you want those girls to be in your wedding, then do it. The last few weddings I have been to, all had uneven numbers, no one really notices. You just have the girls walk up the aisle by themselves, and the guys stand there with the groom. You don’t want to regret not doing it, so do what makes you happy!
Post # 8
i have two friends that are my MOH and BM, they are both my good friends and they use to be friends until they had a falling out. I considered them both my good friends so I didn’t want to leave them out and talked to them beforehand. They both agreed to be in my wedding despite the fact they were no longer friends and understand its my wedding and they will need to be nice and polite to each other
Post # 9
Thanks so much for the advice, everyone! I don’t have any sisters or female cousins even, but FSIL will be part of my bridal party. After reading your responses, it seems like it would be odd to ask one and not the other unless I was 100% sure the one would prefer not to do it.
I think my two friends will be able to be civil towards each other if I asked both of them, or that they work things out to some degree by next year.
Now I need to decide if I want to stick with three or expand to five, even if it’s uneven. That is, if FI thinks that’s okay. For someone who doesn’t care much about the planning process, he is very traditional with some wedding things.
Since my wedding isn’t until next June, how soon do I really need to finalize the bridal party?
Post # 10
my wedding is in less then two months and i barely just finalized the wedding party. i really think it will depend though, on what kind of dress you get, if you have to coordinate to get them to the store to try on and order, if that was the case, i would definitely do it at least 6-8 months before the wedding
Post # 11
I think you should start letting people know as soon as you really decide. Because girls especially will be wondering in the back of their head if they are in your wedding party. And that way you can start looking for dresses and such.
Post # 12
I chose to do it ASAP. As in, the night of my engagement. If you know, you know! 🙂