(Closed) Deciding between fighting friends

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

They might be able to carve up the bridesmaid duties so they don’t have to work together?  One of them could head up the shower, the other one the bachelorette… and the only time they’d have to really spend a lot of time together would be the parties themselves and the wedding day?

Alternatively, you could ask family (sisters, cousins) to be your BM’s?

Post # 4
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

If I were going to pick one, I’d go ahead and pick the other. Hopefully you’ll be able to arrange it to where they don’t do too much together, or are just attending the same events and can keep their distance.

I’m in a kind of similar situation. One of my MOHs really doesn’t like one of my bridesmaids. I definitely understand where she was coming from, but I couldn’t leave this bridesmaid out for a number of reasons. So I’m hoping all can go relatively smoothly :/

Post # 5
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think if you ask them both to be in it, it’s reasonable to expect that they’ll put aside their differences leading up to and on your big day, since it’s not about them, it’s about your wedding – and you can feel free to tell them that seriously and directly when you ask them (separately of course). Maybe it would make them respect each other a little more in the end? 

Good luck. 

Post # 6
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

So your fiance is set with his three.  ANd you already have three as well?  It’s just that you are thinking of one or both of these other friends.  Do I have that right?

It sounds like the easiest thing for you and FI is to ask neither.  Fi will get his even BP.  You won’t ahve to choose.  And the friends will be on an even playing field.  It is sweet that you are considering the one friend who would love to be a Bm and has never been before.  Does she have a sister or another close friend for whom she is likely to be a BM?  Also, with the friend who probably wouldn’t care, would it matter if the other friend was a BM?  I could see someone not being bothered too much, but if another friend (on an equal level and wom she didnt like) was in the wedding, I could see her being hurt by that.

See I would be concerned about them, like you are.  I would say, either ask neither or ask both.  Ugg, I said it.  And I know your Fi wants the wedding party even.  I did too for my wedding.  But sometimes things in life and weddings don’t always work out as planned.  Are there a couple of extra fellas who can stand with your FI? 

And who knows, maybe the friend who doesn’t care to be a BM will look at the picture and think, (BM? Ugg.   Friend I don’t get along with -worse.)  "Umm I’m honored, but I’ll pass."

Post # 7
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I have 4 girls in my wedding party, and my fiance has only 2 guys. He started off with 4 also, but it’s a long story. If you want those girls to be in your wedding, then do it. The last few weddings I have been to, all had uneven numbers, no one really notices. You just have the girls walk up the aisle by themselves, and the guys stand there with the groom. You don’t want to regret not doing it, so do what makes you happy!

Post # 8
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

i have two friends that are my MOH and BM, they are both my good friends and they use to be friends until they had a falling out. I considered them both my good friends so I didn’t want to leave them out and talked to them beforehand. They both agreed to be in my wedding despite the fact they were no longer friends and understand its my wedding and they will need to be nice and polite to each other

Post # 10
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

my wedding is in less then two months and i barely just finalized the wedding party. i really think it will depend though, on what kind of dress you get, if you have to coordinate to get them to the store to try on and order, if that was the case, i would definitely do it at least 6-8 months before the wedding

Post # 11
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think you should start letting people know as soon as you really decide. Because girls especially will be wondering in the back of their head if they are in your wedding party. And that way you can start looking for dresses and such.

Post # 12
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I chose to do it ASAP. As in, the night of my engagement. If you know, you know! 🙂

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