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Hey, welcome to the Bee!
You don't have to pick someone just because they picked you.
As for your friend, you should ask her - and be up front with your concerns, she will likely appreciate it. If you're very clear what you need her for and when, that will help too - for example, it might be hard for her to do a dress fitting for a BM gown in the weeks before her wedding. Communication is probably key here.
i agree that you do not need to pick someone simply because they picked you. I think you should ask those that you would most like standing next to you on your day, regardless of anything else. I do feel like communication is key and that you should be very up front about your expectations and what you will be willing to do to help ease the stress since your choice MOH is also planning.
I was on the fence about asking anyone to be my MOH because I don't have sisters and actually all my BM's have sisters and have or will have used their sisters as MOH's. I decided that my friend I've known the longest and the one who has been through everything with me is my MOH and my 3 other friends will be BM's. I did choose one girl inparticular because she has always been the "older sister" type to me and I look to her for advice and wisdome even if we don't hang out that often. I felt it was important to have a girl like that stand beside me when I don't have any real sisters.
Thanks ladies.
I think I'm going to write the girl I want to be my MOH a note, asking her to be, and outlining what Im looking for/explaining that I dont want her to contribute financially, I just want her to come to things.
Im still afraid that the other girl will be very angry that she isnt in it, but I guess she'll get over it?
Should I explain why I picked one of the girls over her? I feel like that would be awkward, but it could be just as awkward, to not say anything-especially since I know she thinks she will at least be in the party, and I think she is even expecting to me my MOH.
Welcome!
I would ask the friend that you really want to have. I would explain to her that she doesn't have to say yes if she thinks it will be too much for her.
I have asked 3 of my best friends knowing that they probably will not be able to come to my destination wedding. I am ok with them saying no and I explained that they should not be pressured in anyway. I still asked them because they are my best friends. It at least gives them the option to choose.
And never picked some one because you feel you should.
Edit: Just read your last message.
That is good you are going to pick the one you wanted. I wouldn't explain to the other girl why you didn't pick her persay. I would just say something along the lines that you guys decided that you are only going to have 3 people in your wedding party. I would apologize for not asking her but I would stress that I really value her friendship.
I think you should definitely choose your friend as your MOH. I was actually in an almost identical situation. My MOH got married six and a half months before me, and I wasn't in her wedding (she has four sisters, plus she asked her SIL and her one very best friend). I had some of the same concerns as you - time, money, etc. - but I asked anyway, and she accepted. I think she was surprised that I asked her, but having her as my MOH has been one of the best parts of the wedding so far. I don't regret my decision in the least.
You don't have to ask your other friend to be a bridesmaid just because she asked you, and you don't have to explain yourself. If she asks why, just tell her that you wanted to keep the wedding party small, so you could only pick family and the one friend.
Thank you for the advice. I ended up sending the girl I wanted to be my MOH a nice email, asking her and outlining what I expected. She was thrilled, and accepted. I still havent mentioned not being in my wedding party to the girl I dont want there. I think I will mention it after I ask my future sister in laws to be in the party.
@Cryssieshine: So glad to hear the good news! Good luck with asking your FSILs, and I hope things go smoothly with your other friend!
@Cryssieshine: I'm glad your MOH accepted!
I wouldn't say anything to the girl you don't want in the wedding party. You don't need to justify your decision to anyone. Just don't ask her to be a bridesmaid, and leave it at that- don't bring it up to her that you DON'T want her there. If she asks, say you wanted to keep the wedding party small and you're sorry, and leave it at that- no explanation necessary.
It's normal to feel as if you need to repay the favor and have that person on your bridal party. I just wouldn't bring it up around her at all.
Congrats on having your MOH accept, Yay!
Happy planning. :)
thanksa whats too bad is that she and I were such great friends until she got engaged. Her MOH was awful and when she got upset if something wasnt her way she would take such personal shots at me bringing up things I had only told my friend. As her wedding got close she saw her MOHs true colos, but never did anything to stop her which broke my heart . we are just starting to get close again, but i do want a small party and im much closer to the other girl I chose as MOH. My SILs may be older than I (theyre in their late 30s and i am 25 but they are such great people,
@Cryssieshine: I wouldn't say anything to her. You don't need to go around telling people you haven't asked that they aren't being asked. They will figure it out. If she asks you about it, you can say that you wanted to have a small bridal party.
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Hello,
My fiance and I were recently engaged and I'm struggling with picking out my maid of honor.
The girl that I want to be my MOH is already engaged, and getting married 6 months before I am (her wedding is Nov 2012, and mine will be April 2013).
Would it be rude to ask her to be my MOH, since she is already planning her own wedding?
She and I have known each other for about a two years at this point, and she is one of my few female friends.
We are both having small weddings so neither of us wanted big wedding parties.
I'm actually not in hers because she is using her sister and her best friend of 18 years-which makes sense. She just happens to be the girl that I'm closest to (my fiance and parents do not like the ideal of "bridesmen" so it has to be a girl).
I think that she would be perfect because she and I could sort of plan our weddings/receptions together. Also, I'm not looking for her to pay for anything (including her dress) because I know that she is planning her own wedding, plus, her SO will already be in my fiance's party. Basically I'm hoping that she can help me plan, and go shopping with me, just as I have with her (although I am not in her party).
I would in no way be offended if she said she couldnt, or didnt want to but I didnt know if it was rude (or weird, since we havent known each other that long) to ask in the first place.
Ideally, She would be my MOH and my 2 future sister in laws would be bridesmaids (or matrons of honor).
My next question is, I was a bridesmaid two months ago, for someone that I was good friends with, until she got engaged. She was a completely nightmare to deal with, including her MOH, and I spent the better part of 10 months in tears because of her.
Since her wedding this past summer things have been better- but I dont want to add her to my bridal party at all.
Is that ok? She and I have known each other for about 6 years know (we met through our Sos). Before she was engaged, we used to talk about how we would be each others MOHs (I wasnt hers, because her mom insisted on a family member).
Things got so bad between us, mainly because of her MOH, and now my SO doesnt care for her, and honestly, I would much rather have the other girl and my two sister in laws.
To make is worse, all of our SOs are best friends (me, the girl I dont want to add, and the girl I want to be my MOH). I dont know if it would be weird if I asked one girl to be my MOH and didnt ask the other to be in my bridal party- Especially since I was in her bridal party- and I'm not in the girls who I want to be my MOH's party.
Sorry, I've been so stressed about this!
I thought it would be easier just to pick one of my Sis in laws but the one I'm closer too, is super nice, but gets stressed out so easily and I think I'd end up being more stressed out with her planning . I could ask the other, Sis in law but then I know that the one I'm closer too would be deeply offended.