(Closed) Deciding on who was in your party?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
4676 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Like you I don’t have a large friend circle.  I chose my sister, and one close friend. I have 3 Future Sister-In-Law that I could have included as well, but I wanted to keep the bridal party small.  Also, this would have lead Fiance scrounging for Grooms men, as niether of us have brothers, and he has a small friend circle as well.  

Post # 4
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You don’t have to have anyone in your bridal party.  Who would you call in the middle of the night on a weekday to help you bury a body?  That’s your Maid/Matron of Honor.  Who would you call second to keep a lookout while you & Maid/Matron of Honor are digging the hole?  That’s your other Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Hahaa, mostly kidding!

When I selected my bridal party, I chose people I could not imagine NOT standing beside me when I get married.  I pictured my wedding day.  I imagined my dress, my groom, the flowers, my parents,… and in that image, I saw my nearest and dearest standing there excited for me.

I would suggest waiting until about 6-9 months until your wedding to choose anybody.  You don’t have to have even sides with the groom, so you pick only who you really want, and let him pick only who he really wants- it will cut down on the drama associated with “filler” people and “replacements” should something go awry.

If you have a sister, close cousin, aunt, or other female (or male!) family member, then you wouldn’t have to choose one of a circle of friends. 

Post # 5
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I don’t have a lot of close girl friends, so my party is small. However, I did leave out some people that others expected me to include – my sister-in-law, my future sister-in-law, and a longtime (although not super-duper close) friend.

My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor. My two best friends are bridesmaids.

I chose this way because I personally don’t believe that the bridesmaid role is some sort of honorary, just-wear-the-dress role. I chose only these people because they are close to me and we have been there for one anothers’ needs in the past. And not just emotionally – we’ve given our time and labor! When we’d move, the other would come over and lug boxes and paint. When there was a breakup, we were on our way with wine, tissues and ice cream. This has worked both ways in my relationship with all of these girls. Weddings are a major life event, and I TRUST my wedding to these girls like they have trusted me with their own weddings, divorces, and pregnancies. They will help me as much as they can because that is what we do.

This isn’t to say I don’t have a good relationship with the “left out” women. I do. But we’re not that close, and I do not expect them to work for my wedding and spend the days around it holding my hand and arranging peacock feathers. The girls I have chosen will do that. I don’t mind asking them to do the work for this event with me because we have always done the work for one another in the past. I trust them wholeheartedly, as I always have and they have me.

The point of this whole thing is that you should pick bridesmaids based on your realistic expectations of the role you want your bridal party members to play. If, for you, the show-up-and-wear-the-dress role is what you expect, you may choose differently than if you have my set of expectations. It’s about what will work for YOU in your planning style and how you envision the run-up to your big day – showers, bachelorette parties, dress shopping, centerpiece-making, and so on. How do you see your bridal party fitting into the WHOLE shebang?

Once you have that established, I think you should feel more secure in choosing the right people. You have plenty of time :o) Breathe easy and enjoy it!

Post # 6
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@DaneLady:  That is such a great analogy!  And when I thought of it, that is exactly who I would pick to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs 🙂   What a great way to think about it!

Post # 7
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I knew when I started thinking about it that I only wanted 3 girls: Maid/Matron of Honor, Bridesmaid or Best Man, adult flower girl / Bridesmaid or Best Man. Our wedding is 80-100 people. I started knowing I wanted my sister as the Bridesmaid or Best Man. Then I thought of my friend I’ve known the longest and keep in touch with (MOH). Lastly, although I’ve known the flower girl for 2 years less than some other girls, she’s reliable, always keeping in touch, and even flew abroad to visit me once. She travels like crazy, so she’d be most likely to lose touch over the years, but she hasn’t. 

After these three girls I have some wonderful other friends from the same time period (middle/high school), but they’re either flakey or else we haven’t caught up consistently in the past two years. Then I have a big group of friends from college (I graduated 2010) but I knew I couldn’t have any of them because 1. I’ve known a lot of wonderful ladies longer 2. If I picked 1-2 of them and not the rest, I would hurt a LOT of feelings. If I made just my college girlfriends BM’s, forsaking my sister, I would have 5.

Post # 8
5243 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I orignally only wanted 5 girls in the bridal party 6 including myslef but since my finance wanted to add an extra person i had to add an extra person too wihc wasnt super hard. I know have 6 girls and they are all special to me in different ways. Some of the people my family “expected” to be in my bridal party were not as I’m no longer close with these certain people.

Post # 9
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@NVACat:  I dont know if this falls the same. Like you Im not getting married til next year and we are having a small wedding of about 30.  However I have my very best friend as my Maid/Matron of Honor and my darling daughter as a Bridesmaid. My son will stand as best man with one other for my Fiance. The rest of the family will be watching. This way no one in the family could begrudge us because its our children and one friend on each side.

Post # 10
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You can choose to only have a Maid of Honor and a Best Man if you want. That would make it alot easier.

I have always believed in quality over quanity, that being said….I have a TON of close friends. Husband also has a ton of close friends. We both have siblings. So we had that dilemma, we ended up with 6 on my side, 7 on his. 

I felt I left a couple important people out sure, but nobody was particularly hurt that I could tell and everybody was very excited for the wedding. I still invited those people to the bridal shower and the bachelorette party. If I had invited every close friend and family member I would have the had whole wedding up there with me…..

Post # 11
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I forgot to add- if someone expresses dismay that she isn’t a bridesmaid, just say something to the tune of, “Unfortunately I couldn’t have everyone in the bridal party or there would be no guests! You will absolutely be invited to the shower and the bachelorette and a part of everything BMs do anyway- the only difference is that you get to wear what you want to the wedding!”

Post # 12
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I wanted to include a little bit from each group. My sister was my Maid/Matron of Honor. I wanted family in the bridal party so i asked my two close cousins. I asked one friend from high school who i am very close with and 2 girls from college.

Post # 13
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Fiance and and I decided not to have a best man or a maid(en) of honor. We didn’t want to bestow that title and responsibility upon anyone and didn’t want to single anyone out.

Anyway, two out of my four ladies were “no-brainers” (one I’ve known since we were nine-years-old – this is the Bridesmaid or Best Man I’ve written about in terms of her complete cluelessness and disregard of what I want – she got a slot for seniority, and the other one would best fit the “best friend” motto, if I chose to use such a title when talking about a friend, and I don’t). The other two were Future Sister-In-Law (we’ve been through alot with FI’s family and bonded over the misery, sadly) and a friend I’ve known for 14 years and we’ve gotten closer within the past five years and she’s very organized and a  good addition. Perhaps these reasons seem cold, but it’s how I think in terms of what will and won’t work for me.

Perhaps for the friends in the circle who wouldn’t be in the bridal party could help in another way? I mean, if they fear being left out, you can give them tasks so they feel a part of the process.

Post # 14
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I also don’t have a large circle of friends–most of my friends around here seem to be my fiance’s friends and more my acquaintences (we’ve been together for almost 4 years and I still feel like they don’t really like me). 

How I did it was: Maid/Matron of Honor was, no question, one of my best friends. That was basically a no-brainer for me. The other bridesmaids are: my cousin who is about three weeks older than me/we were raised together as kids until she moved away (and we just recently reconnected and found out that we’ve been basically keeping tabs on one another through family with no means of contact), two other really good friends, and my fiance’s little sister (who’s like a little sister to me/we’re very close). I had to make my fiance cut his list of Groomsmen WAY down (he has a huge, close family and a billion friends) and we finally settled on 5 each, and I just thought of the people who I knew would always be there for me, help me with wedding stuff even if I didn’t ask, keep me sane, and kick my ass if I needed it.

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