Post # 1
My Fiance and I had a few discussions recently that were kind of rough on both of us. But after a really long day with a lot of emotional talking the idea of eloping came up. I felt really excited at the time because it really seemed like he needed to stop having to deal with having a wedding thing in order to feel better. We talked about eloping in Scotland (the place we would have chosen to have a honeymoon if we could have afforded it, which we could not). I love the idea of having a “just us” thing but as I’ve gotten further away from that discussion and closer to the reality of losing all of this stuff that i’ve been so excited about the last several years it has just left me feeling sad. I am mourning the loss of my wedding so much more than I thought I would and a lot more than I care to admit. Did anyone else go through this? How can I fill that wedding-shaped void in my heart? Any thoughts?
To make it worse, since we “decided to elope,” he has been all excited about packing up my wedding stuff and getting rid of everything that i’ve done planning which just makes it hurt that much more. I am sad and I don’t know what to do.
Post # 3
What do you mean by “he needed to stop having to deal with having a wedding thing in order to feel better”?
We also initially talked about eloping in Europe but had second thoughts because our parents, siblings, and friends were SO excited about us getting engaged (like crying tears of joy). It seemed almost selfish to elope when the people we love really wanted to see us say I Do. My friend’s brother eloped, and her parents were absolutely crushed to not be part of their day. Would your families be upset?
It sounds like you really want a wedding afterall and just because you “decided to elope” doesnt mean it’s set in stone (unless you booked a venue). He can always change his mind like us. We’ve changed our minds a thousand times! Yes, wedding planning is a huge headache and expensive, but I know it’ll be worth it in the end when we are celebrating with the people we love.
Post # 4
We kind of wanted an in between…
So we’re having a destination wedding in Scotland. It will be a small(er) wedding because its so far away, but we’ll still have some other people there for our day.
Fiance has a complicated family and we don’t want many members to be a part of our wedding and this was the easiest way to do it without hurting feelings, but still getting the actual wedding that we want.
Maybe you could have a small destination wedding? Sometimes I feel like saying “oh screw it! I just want to elope!!!” but I know that I would feel sad if I didn’t get to have an actual wedding – no matter how small.
Post # 5
Sigh….I do understand how you feel. I have always wanted a Destination Wedding or small, intimate, fun wedding. SO would be more than happy with a courthouse wedding. I don’t have a huge family, but I would want my family members and our close friends there.
He brought up the courthouse wedding again a couple of months ago, and I just flat out told him that if you want us to be married, that is not how it will happen.
So he wants us to be married, we want to start TTC soon after our wedding, so at this point, (although I don’t even consider myself as a Waiting Bee right now), we will have a small, most likely, Destination Wedding wedding. Kind of the best of both worlds for us. A “meet in the middle”so to speak.
You could also elope and then have a reception when y’all get home, but don’t settle, I have friends that have “settled” and now regret it.
Post # 6
If you’re having doubts about it now, that is probably a sign that you would regret it. Talk to your fiance about your clashing wants. Maybe you can find a compromise.
When we finally made the decision to elope, it was SUCH a relief!! I felt so much better, and so far, I have not had any doubts that it will be perfect for us.
But I am also getting my reception when we get back. That was really important to my mom, so my parents are throwing us a party a couple months later, and I am letting her plan most of it. It will be on a much less expensive scale than if it were actually our wedding day, but I still get the best of both worlds.
Post # 7
Thanks everyone! This helped so much. After reading your reponses, I worked up the courage and talked to him about it. He said that the reason the wedding was such a stress to him is that he felt like we had to put all of our money into it and we wouldn’t be able to move into a new place (we desperately need to) or have a honeymoon, which he thought was really important for us being that we always spend so much time and energy on our families, work, and school. So, we talked about instead: eloping now and having a wedding-style vow renewal and reception in late 2014 or early 2015 and cutting our original budget in half. That way we’d have enough money to move out and have our elopement in scotland but still have a simple “wedding” too. I think this will be a good compromise and I really hope we can make this work for us! Has anyone else done this?
Post # 8
@mcp3x: Could you elope and have your honeymoon in Scotland, then come back and have a party ( using the stuff you already have)? You can make it as fancy or casual as you want. You can rent out a cheap hall and do potluck or have it at a restaurant.
You wont need a professional photograper or minister etc. You can even do a “Scottish” blessing so people feel like they witnessed something. Most guests would have more fun at something more casual anyway ( I would!)
I’m eloping to Hawaii, honeymoon. Then coming back and having a backyard luau, ( bbq) and a cake, drinks, music etc.