Deciding to leave the family out…

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think that just going with the kids is the best option. For your sanity. Besides, you’re starting fresh as a family unit. Having just the kids there seems like a great way to bond. Know what I mean?

If FI and I could have eloped without having MAJOR fallout and backlash from family, we would have. But both of us would have ended up having serious drama with family, and would have had family members completely cut us out if we’d eloped. I know, it sounds absurd. But it is what it is.

Post # 3
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

If my fiancée would have agreed, I would do it in a heartbeat!

Post # 4
297 posts
Helper bee

I hate family drama, it makes me sad and frustrated. So yes just having a very imediate wedding with your kids seems like the best idea. But you say you would love to have your mom (and other family?) there so I fear you might miss them a great deal on your wedding or regret your desicion. 

Oh this one is really hard…. Hope you find a solution that lets you have a wonderful wedding! Def don’t invite haters!!!! 

Post # 5
7055 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

MrsUPS:  why should your mother and his father (and supportive siblings) be punished for the bad behaviour of everyone else? Invite the people who support you.

(EDIT: Mind you, calling someone a bad mother was a very provocative thing to do. You should have left that for your fiance to say).

I am a mother and would be very disappointed if any of my children don’t invite me to their wedding.

Post # 7
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

MrsUPS:  I would include all supportive family members. 

Post # 8
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Well, I had 150 guests at my wedding – so pretty much the opposite. But when my dad got married to my step-mother (third marriage for both of them) they had a ceremony that was just them, the pastor and us kids. It was nice. We all went out to dinner at a nice restaurant after. My grandmother was really upset and I imagine her parents were, a bit, as well. But everyone has gotten over it at this point.

Post # 9
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t know your family history, so I’m only commenting on this post, and all I will say is this: not inviting someone to your wedding is a slight that some people might never get over. Keep this in mind, because it might forever alter relationships, or be the final nail in the coffin for others, and despite issues you may currently have, these people (including his family) will be in your lives for years to come.

Ultimately, it is your decision, and you and your FI should do what you both feel is right.

Post # 10
3018 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I don’t think you have given us enough information for proper, utterly impartial second opinions.

The fact you want to webcast the ceremony so people who can’t make it will still watch it makes me feel like you enjoy having the attention but you don’t want any unwanted participation – I would feel very weird about it if I were one of your not-guests. Usually those webcasts are for things like friends and family who were invited but cannot physically make it, not people who could have made it if they were invited. It sounds like a recipe for increasing the drama when you do get around to spending time with friends and family.



Post # 14
3018 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

In that case, I would invite all – as you said, it is a distance for those of his family who would choose to come (other than his grandparent) and an expense so probably the people who are lukewarm about supporting you won’t show anyway. Problem solved, especially if you include an insert saying, ‘we understand that the expense of travelling may be too much for some and we completely understand. We have arranged for you to be able to still “be with us” if you choose by watching the ceremony we casting live at 


because honestly. Who is going to spend hundreDS of dollars to fly out and stay for a wedding they don’t want to support? Unless his family has a history of Jerry Springer-ing it up, the distance will help limit drama.

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