Deciding to TTC & giving up future quality time with SO

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

@linnylou_88:  Well I don’t have kids.  But I also don’t think it’s one or the other.  You just may have put an actual effort into making quality time together.

Post # 4
Member
3989 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We had two years of married life before trying just so we could say that we had years together, married, just being the two of us.  And once the kids are old enough we’ll have retired quality time together as well 🙂

Post # 5
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@linnylou_88:   I don’t have LOs yet…but I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I have this same concern. DH and I have an awesome relationship and I worry about that changing when a bb arrives.  So unfortunately I have no advice…but I can commiserate with you 🙂

Post # 6
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We just had a LO a month before our first wedding anniversary… But we’d been together for 10 years at this point. It definitely takes some adjustment, but I have a greater appreciation For my husband now seeing how amazing he is with our daughter. she goes to bed early so we still get time together, and grandparents give us a date night a couple of times a month. 

Post # 7
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My DH and I worry about this same thing…. we are so wishy washy when it comes to having a child because we enjoy all the “us” time that we currently have.

Post # 8
Member
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Now that we have a baby, I think we have more quality time together, and spending time together with the baby is the best quality time that we’ve ever had. I worried about it too, but having a baby isn’t necessarily the post-apocolyptic hellscape that you might think – babies are portable, sleep a lot, and are often delightful to hang out with when they’re awake. 

Post # 9
Member
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@linnylou_88:  I haven’t got any advice for you but just wanted to post to let you know I’m in the same boat. We have just started TTC, but when we first talked about the logistics/timing of kids this was my biggest issue. It came up as well when we got our dog – I just don’t like the idea of sharing my FI at all! But, part of the reason we’re hoping to have kids young is so we can ‘get them out of the way’, as it were – by the time they leave home, we’ll (hopefully!) be a little better off financially and winding down our careers, which means we can go on adventures together that we can’t afford (or shouldn’t be doing, lol) at the moment. I hope that makes sense – my contact lenses have gone all weird and I can’t properly see what I’m typing, ha!

Post # 10
Member
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@MsKeee:  Aw, congrats on your LO and thank you for posting this – “post-apocalyptic hellscape” is pretty much what I’m envisaging so it’s really good to know that it’s not the end of quality time with FI 🙂

Post # 11
Member
4587 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Find a sitter and go on dates. Your life doesn’t end when you have children. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly people make having kids sound so bad! We still eat out and travel all the time. Our baby is in bed at 6 so we have hours to hang out every night. My DH is home even more now that he’s a family man. I felt so nervous right up until like they were wheeling me into the OR for a c-section that these were our last moments together where we still had quality time, and then like the next day when we were still having quality time in the hospital together, it was like “oh.” and still there hasn’t been a day where he’s come home and I am still in my pjs with wild hair screaming at him to take his baby while I retreat somewhere else, which is kind of what I had imagined. 

Post # 13
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

We’re putting of TTC until we’ve been married for at least a year, maybe two depending on how we feel about TTC next year.  That way we have a little more time of it being just the two of us before commiting to a child.  As far as after the child arrives, we plan to start weekly or biweekly date nights for just the two of us as well as an annual trip or two each year without our child.  Kids need a lot of attention but there is nothing wrong with setting aside time to cultivate your relationship with your SO.

Post # 14
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

You will still have quality time with your SO after you have a baby as long as you make sure to make time for each other! The first few months will obviously be crazy, and there may not be a lot of time for each other, but things WILL calm down. Even if you have to find someone to babysit for a few hours a week so that you two can hang out then so be it. I don’t have kids yet, but I work with parents and children, and obviously you have to make more of an effort, but that doesn’t mean the time still isn’t quality. Instead of just you two cuddled up on the couch it may be you two taking a walk with your LO, playing outside or inside, etc. You can all have quality time together. 

Post # 15
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My dh and I have a lot of quality time together. Our son is 8 now, so granted its a bit easier then when he was a baby, but it’s always possible. I credit our late bedtime to the majority of our quality time together. Our boy goes to bed at 8pm during the week, and we almost always stay up until 12, either playing a game/watching a movie/having a few drinks and talking/playing pool/having a jacuzzi together/etc. the point is, we are alone with each other spending 1-1 time together for about 4 solid hours. you just do what you have to do to make it work for you. It doesn’t just to have a grandma (or aunt or otherwise) close by that practically begs to have sleepovers ever other weekend. That’s always nice!

Post # 16
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

get a babysitter and have a special date night.

i don’t have kids yet.  i remember when i was young, my parents had a babysitter every saturday night for us so they could go out.

 

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