Deciding when to TTC

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
6502 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Baby boy 12/2015

@fallingleaves:  Hi, you sound a bit like me. I am also in grad school and have 2-3 years to go. I want to do my qualifying before getting pregnant for sure. I hope to get that done this year. We were also planning a trip, but it seems like we might need to postpone it. Now hubby is looking for a better job. I am sure he will find one soon. With all of that said, we are planning to start perhaps next spring or summer at the latest. Sounds like you are very close. Have you thought about stopping birth control and charting? If you haven’t done it before, I highly recommend it. Also, it might be a good idea to get a check up just with your doctor in case there is something that needs to be work on. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@fallingleaves:  Quit stealing my thoughts! 🙂 

Husband and I are the the exact same ages (me 28, him 29 in Oct), and in a similar situation: I have been out in the workforce since I finished undergrad, and he has about a year and half left of graduate school. I think about having a baby all the time, and he says the same thing, that he’s ready when I am… but I just can’t pull the trigger. For one thing, I wish our financial/medical situation was better; he receives a salary, but it is half of what I make, and if I weren’t working, we would be in trouble. I am currently a freelance contractor with a very small company (< 50 employees). While my contract has no end date (sort of making me a RFT?), as a freelancer my income is untaxed and I receive no benefits. Because the company has less than 50 employees, I am guaranteed zilch in terms of maternity leave–they could terminate my contract the day I give birth if they wanted to. We do have health insurance through husband’s graduate school, but it’s not terribly good; the school pays 100% of his premium, but we have to pay 50% of mine and 50% of any dependants.

I keep holding off on having a baby on the assumption that my husband will graduate, fall right into a tenure-track position at a university, and we’ll have “normal” health insurance again. In this job market, that’s a lot of assumptions… but I would just feel so much better having a baby if he was at least out in the workforce with me. Right now, if I couldn’t work for some reason, we’re stuck; it’s not like he can even try to find a better paying job, because he’s still in graduate school. So I am leaning towards waiting at least until his graduation date is set, if not until he has a job lined up.

On the other hand, there are some pros to our current situation. I work from home, husband has very little work to do during the summer (but still gets paid!), and even when school is in session, less work than he would have with a full time job. In terms of actual *time*, it seems a great time to have a baby– I just don’t know how we would afford it. And who knows, our situation could be even worse post-graduation, especially if he can’t find a job right away. I had a fantastic job a year and a half ago, with awesome pay, awesome health insurance, three months paid maternity leave–and I didn’t have a baby then b/c I thought we were too young, had no time, etc. Then I got laid off! These days, I think, “Why didn’t I just have a baby back then?” Will I be asking myself this same question in another year and half?

Oh wow, that got way longer than I meant it to! Sorry, not trying to hijack your thread, heh–just trying to say that I am in a very similar boat and I sympathize! My strategy has been to learn as much about pregnancy and parenting as I can. I read the boards here a lot, get books from the library, follow blogs, etc. I’ve been sticking to a consistent (though certainly not taxing) exercise routine to stay in shape, and I am already taking folic acid (on OB/GYN’s recommendation last year, when I first started having TTC thoughts). I need to go to the OB/GYN next month if I want a refill on my BC, and I am planning on discussing TTC with her again then, so that I will be informed if I decide to start TTC soon. Sometimes I feel like I need someone to break into my house and steal my BC if I’m ever going to have children, hah. Clearly I don’t have much advice for you on how to jump that mental hurdle, but if you succeed in doing this, tell me how!

Post # 5
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@fallingleaves:  For me, I don’t think I ever would have said yes, I feel ready let’s start trying. I stopped BC after the wedding when I ran out of pills and to start preparing (because DH wanted to start in the fall and I was just going to go with whenever he was ready).  We used the pull-out method effectively for 2 months and one day DH just got lazy and decided not to pull out – we got pregnant.  I’m over the moon happy and excited (and of course nervous!)  I basically knew I was ready when I was dreading taking a pregnany test because I was so scared of how disappointed I was going to feel if the test came up negative. There’s definitely a leap of faith aspect to it and no one will truly ever feel 100% ready for such a life changing decision.

Yes, life changes when you have kids, but your life as a couple doesn’t have to end. It will become harder to do othe things you are able to do now, but just because you have kids doesn’t mean you can’t take that awesome vacation with your DH – you can, and should!

As long as you’re financially and emotionally ready to raise a child in a loving home and your relationship is solid, then you’re about as ready as you’ll ever be. Everything else (aka the bucket list) are just extras.

Post # 6
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@fallingleaves:  something will always come up, there will never be enough time, money, vacation. 

if you want to start now, why don’t you start TTC without really trying.  when it happens, it happens. and it doesn’t become a chore.

 

Post # 7
Member
1389 posts
Bumble bee

I can definitely relate. DH is ready and anxious to start TTC. I have been emotionally ready and anxious for years, but I still can’t say yes. We moved out of our one-bedroom and in with my parents so we could rent our place out and it makes me feel like a child to be there. DH has a year left of school and I’d love to start TTC before he’s done, but like PP, I’m basically relying on the belief that he’ll get a job the minute he’s out of school and that’s a pretty lofty idea. The idea is to save money, rent our place out and then buy a single-family home in a decent school district. But everything costs so much. The process to rent it out costs money, especially upgrades and repairs that are being made. The car died and had to be repaired this week and of course, that costs money. We need a newer car and that’s another chunk. DH’s textbooks cost a good chunk. I’m definitely having one of those days/weeks where it feels like we’ll never be ready, we’ll never have enough money, we’ll never have a house to live in, etc. I want to be saving and I’m pretty good at consistently tucking money away and and setting a budget but then something happens unexpectedly (like the car) and it’s shot. And I’m so anxious to get a renter and start saving but it’s taking so much longer than I thought it would. There’s not a lot I can do about it either. It just feels like TTC and having a family is still so far away.

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