(Closed) Declined RSVP – Should I send a gift?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do you send a gift if you decline a RSVP?
    Yes : (37 votes)
    73 %
    No : (14 votes)
    27 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1514 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    If you recieved an invitation, the ettiquette thing is to still send a gift if you cannot attend

    Post # 4
    Member
    236 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I don’t think there is a strict protocol. If you are close to them I would send a gift whether you attend the wedding or not. If you aren’t that close than it is really up to you if you get them something and how much you spend.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2856 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I actually voted no because a gift should never be required especially if you are not attending the wedding. I think if you send a gift it is a very nice gesture. I have actually received gifts from couples who are not able to come to the wedding. It is very nice of them.

    So do what you wish.

    PS: Although I believe it is not required to bring a gift, I will always bring one. Honestly, if someone shows up without a gift, I don’t care. I invited my guests because I want to celebrate our union with our closest family and friends. I know there will be a few people showing up to my wedding without gifts. The economy is tough and some of them are jobless. I am more happy that they are there.

    Post # 6
    Member
    495 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I personally don’t think it’s strictly necessary, but if you want to send them a small something to say you are thinking about them on their day, I’m sure it would be appreciated 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    4480 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

    Honestly, when people say that you don’t “need” to send a gift for a wedding, I want to ask them for their name and address so I know not to send them an invitation to mine. 😉 That being said, I don’t think you need to send anything if you’ve declined an invitation, although if you want to, I’m sure the couple will appreciate it.

    Post # 8
    Member
    203 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2018

    Traditional etiquette says you don’t have to bring a gift to a wedding. I personally would never dream of showing up to a wedding empty handed and I think if you can’t go you are supposed to still send a gift. I tend to send one that is a bit smaller than if I attended but it also depends on my relationship to the couple. I’d say find a moderately priced gift off their registry and send it with a note saying you’re sorry you couldn’t make it.

    Post # 9
    Member
    908 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Are you inviting these friends to your wedding?  If so, would you feel bad if they came to your wedding and brought a gift and you hadn’t given them a gift?  I would!

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    3332 posts
    Sugar bee

    Personally, I’ve never heard that it was required to send a gift if you were not attending the wedding.  I’ve done both in the past, depending on how close I am with the bride/groom.

    Post # 12
    Member
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    There’s no ‘depends’ option so I didn’t vote. If you are really close to the couple, yes, definitely! If you’re so/so or not very close I think it’s your call. It would be polite and appropriate to send one regardless, but gifts aren’t even technically required from guests.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1044 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think that out of courtesy and etiquette, you should send a gift if you are unable to attend a wedding.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2205 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Outside of etiquette I think it’s nice to send a gift regardless.  Well, maybe at least a card.  Just to let the couple know you were thinking of them and wish them well.  I was kind of bummed out when we never even heard from friends and family that couldn’t come (and just check “no” on the RSVP card without explanation.

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    1980 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    It depends on your relationship with the couple! If you aren’t that close, I think a nice handwritten note on the RSVP, or maybe enclosed in a card “So sorry we couldn’t make it on your day– congratulations x & x” is sufficient. I got invited to the most RANDOM wedding ever last month (a guy from my highschool who was one year older than me and who I was on debate team with, and who I literally have not seen or spoken to in 8 years). The first thought that came to mind was “Wow, did they just invite every single person they knew?” I could hardly remember his last name, much less expect to be invited to his wedding. We sent a card and politely declined, but I didn’t feel obligated to send a gift at all.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2324 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2018

    I send gifts wehn we can’t be there, but if money is tight I think you could skip it. I don’t think the B list thing makes a difference.

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