Declining to be a Bridesmaid?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m contemplating this scenario right now. I will likely be asked to be a BM in a few months but I don’t believe the bride to be and her FI are good for each other. They fight constantly over little things and are both very immature. I know it wouldn’t go over well.

Post # 4
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@summerbride17:  I declined to be a bridesmaid for a wedding back in October for a few reasons.

firsly, I had just moved and could not afford the BM dress she wanted me to purchase- she offered to cover the costs and have me pay her back, which I just wasn’t comfortable with.

she also isn’t the nicest girl I’ve ever met, and I think she takes huge advantage of her now-husband, mainly financially.  she would also belittle my fiancé about being overweight when she herself could have lost 50 pounds…

her wedding was very quickly thrown together and disorganized. Too much of a headache!

Post # 5
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@summerbride17:  I might havfriendly cousin is getting engaged soon (I know he is having the ring made and I’m helping with the proposal) and cousin’s SO mentioned they wanted a DW 4 months after my wedding. I don’t think I can afford a DW on top of the wedding and honeymoon, it may be the same time as our honeymoon (we can only do winter or spring been bc FI is in school) plus I am not going to have any extra vacation days for another trip. We will see how it turns out!

Post # 7
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@summerbride17:  I have multiple times. Usually because I don’t support the marriage. Other circumstances included my desire not to spend a bunch of money on someone that I just KNEW was going to be bridezilla-ish, one person was getting married at a time when I was considering going on vacation the next month and I couldn’t do both, so I opted to go on the vacation with friends. 

Most people understood, one previously great friend didn’t speak to me for about 2 years, one person I haven’t spoken to since then and it’s been about 10 years. 

Post # 8
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2000

@summerbride17:  

I declined, when asked, to be ‘best man’ for a male (duh) friend of mine. I was diplomatic and stated it was because I felt it was such an important role, that surely it should go to someone who was a longer-standing friend (we’ve known each other for five eventful years), when really it was because his (then) girlfriend was extremely abusive towards him. Seriously, she eviscerated his self worth with the calculated precision of a surgeon. It affected every area of his life.

After having so many the heart to hearts with him and trying to support him getting out of the relationship a few times, I could not countenance standing in front of people as if I was supportive of the disaster that would have been there marriage. I wouldn’t have attended the wedding either, if the plans had proceeded.

He did know how I felt about her, as I told him when directly asked. But I told the white lie when I declined because I knew, as an adult, he’d made a decision and saying ‘no, because she’s an awful person’ would have possibly meant the end of our friendship. And I knew he’d need all the friends he could get if he went through with it.

They have since broken up. It’s been a few months, so I hope it ‘takes’ this time. 

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