Post # 1
Hubs and I learned on the way home from the airport after our amazing honeymoon that my brother was already waiting for us at the house. He had lost another job. Homeless and without money, I felt there was no other alternative but to take him in. Although I live on 70 acres, the house is a tiny 2 bedroom – comfortable for one, tight with two and almost impossible with three. Hubs has been incredibly understanding and patient. However, we recently admitted to each other that my brother is really geting on our nerves after being here for 4 months, and we are both resentful of the fact that we have gotten no time to enjoy and explore life as newlyweds. My brother is trying to find a job, but at 57 years of age, it is a tough go. Most of the jobs he is experienced at have been exported to China. He does try to be helpful around the house and fix things, but he is always here because I can only afford to give him a little money every paycheck and he spends that on gas, cigs and beer. The beer part bothers me a lot as hubs and I do not drink and here my brother spends money I could be using for bills on beer. It is getting colder and of course I can’t turn him out but just the other day I realized we can’t even spend our first Christmas together as husband and wife snuggling by the x-mas tree because there is no room to put a tree! Add to that the fact I am perimenopausal which is like PMSing all the time and I feel myself getting really really angry. All I can do is pray that my brother finds a job very soon. Sigh!
Thanks for letting me vent!
Post # 3
((HUGS)) i don’t have any advise right now, only ((HUGS))… does your brother have children or anything like that’?
Post # 4
I am sorry.
I don’t know if they have one in your area or not, but maybe he could try a place called worksource. They retrain and help you to find a job. They have programs that will pay for schooling and other expenses; like living expenses, while you are in their program.
Also, a temp agency, like labour ready or another agency.
Post # 5
I unfortunately don’t have any advice right now either, but it helps to vent to us…so let it all out! Lots of (((HUGS))) to you, and letting you know that you’re a fantastic sister for letting him impose on your newlywed status.
Post # 6
Big Hugs! This sounds like a very rough situation for you all. My suggestion would be to contact your county/state and find out what work services there are nearby. You could also contact your local Job and Family Services office who may have ideas. Your brother may also qualify for unemployment based on his employment history and how he lost this last job (if he was laid off, downsized, etc) and they can help him find a job too. The federal government also has programs for those whose jobs have been sent overseas. Check out: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=6562033&page=1
Bon Chance and Keep Your Chin Up! 🙂
Post # 7
That really really sucks.
What might help is thinking about how your brother is probably more miserable then you are. I’d be soo soo miserable in his position, not only imposing but on two newlyweds!
Post # 8
4 months is a long time! Is there anyone else in the family or friends that he can take a turn living with? I know it can make you feel really guilty to “turn him out”, but you do need to think of yourself and your husband as well, and if this has such as strong impact on your life together, maybe you shouldn’t offer him a place indefinitely. I hope you figure something out!
Post # 9
I sure hope your brother appreciates you. You are a really good sister. I agree with the above post, is there any other family members that could help out for awhile?
Post # 10
I agree with the PP who mentioned work source. My Dad is actually going through them right now. Can you look into that?
Post # 11
That’s really tough. You and your husband and good to provide a place for your brother.
However, it really sounds like you need a break. Is there other family or friends of his that he can stay with even if just for a few day over the holiday? To let you and your husband have some time to yourselves?
Post # 12
My response is gong to be unpopular, but…you have a choice in this. Yes, it’s a crappy choice, but ultimately, he is responsible for his life, not you. I have some alcoholics in my family, and they act similarly. I am not saying that he is an alcoholic, I have never met him, but someone who doesn’t have enough money for housing and still chooses to spend money on beer raises red flags. It is not your responsibility to find housing for your brother- he’s an adult. I have gone to Al-anon, and it has been REALLY helpful. What’s that saying? No one can take advantage of you without your permission. I’m not trying to be harsh- that really sucks that he has put you in such a rough position. Hugs!
Post # 13
I agree with guitargirl – It throws up some pretty big flags that he can’t afford housing, but is still spending money on cigarettes and beer. My sister is bipolar, and when she takes her medication, she’s fine. But during one of her unmedicated times, she broke into our aunt’s house (because she refused to give her money), stole her TV, and pawned it. Yes, she’s family, but I’ve still set very strict boundaries when it comes to her.
Post # 14
ugh! i am sending TONS of hugs your way!
Post # 15
*hugs* You are such a big person to take him in to begin with! I would definintely ask your family if it would be possible to get a break… you deserve to be newlyweds!
Post # 16
I think four months is a considerable amount of time to help someone get on their feet especially as a newlywed. To me it looks as if he needs a plan or he will never leave. If he is a single man than it is quite plausible that he can go somewhere else and look for work. Maybe he can seek the help of social services which can intervene and help him find employment or at least a rooming house. I know you want to help him but you deff don’t want to enable him. It’s tough but you guys deff. need to have a heart to heart. Good luck!