Post # 1
A good friend of mine got married a 5 years ago… she’s the sweetest woman in the world. Unfortunately her now ex-husband saw her as a meal-ticket & things went south really, really quickly.
Okay, so I just got her wedding invitation in the mail. She’s getting married this September on the same mountain top, having her reception at the same venue & its also a daytime wedding (like her first).
Have you experienced anything like this before? Is this actually a normal thing for encore brides?
Post # 3
Hm, well I could see this going 2 ways and since she’s you’re good friend maybe you can tell which:
1. Doing all the same things again is easier. She planned it in that way before so this time it is even easier because she knows what to do and who to talk to.
2. She’s trying to "redo" everything and make this into the wedding and marriage she had hoped it would be previously.
It does seem weird to me, but I’m curious about her reasons for that. Seems like it would be normal enough to ask her about that. And no, I haven’t heard of people doing this before. Seems like it is more typical for someone to do a 180 and plan something quite different the second time around.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
When I announced my engagement, various relatives suggested a nice ceremony on a lakefront or beach with an officiant, followed by an afternoon reception, and invite about 20-30 people. That’d be great! Except that’s EXACTLY what I did last time. No thanks!
On the other hand, we live in a rural area and my friend (another encore) is struggling finding a venue (aside from the one she was previously married at) that will hold her large guest-list. She doesn’t want to book the same venue (for obvious reasons), but the price is right and so is everything else about it. Maybe this is the case with your friend?
Post # 5
I don’t think that is the norm, this is a different relationship, under different circumstances and at a different stage of my life. I could not do it the same way again! Just my 2 cents…
Post # 6
Okay.. good to know! Both my mother & I were taken aback. While it is a little odd, I’m still thrilled for her 🙂
If I end up being an encore bride one day, I don’t think I’d do it the same way. Bad karma…
Post # 7
All of my encore friends have done something completely different than their 1st wedding.
But, maybe she really loves that spot and is excited to have her wedding there with her true love.
Post # 8
I can’t imagine having the same venue, etc. It seems odd to me, but if it works for your friend, just go with the flow.
Post # 9
I’m sure she has her reasons. I am wearing a dress worn in a previous life. Why? B/c it’s an awesome dress. Honestly, when I pulled it out of the ‘forever’ box for the first time, I was afraid of the emo response it would elicit, but honestly, all I could see was a beautiful dress. Perhaps she feels the same way about some of her choices.
I DID have my dress altered quite a bit, to better fit the person that I am now, and the wedding we have planned- something old, something new?
Post # 10
Hmmm… I find it odd. I’m doing everything different the 2nd time around, which is probably similar to most encore brides. But she’s obviously happy with the choices she made so go with it!
Post # 11
It is odd, but maybe she’s just trying to redo the dream wedding. If I ever were an encore bride though, while I don’t think I’d have the exact same wedding at the same place, I have a feeling it would be sort of similar. I did an outdoor gazebo wedding this time, and the only other place I could imagine myself being married other than that is on a beach! She probably just has a vision of what she wanted, and wants to make it work.
Post # 12
I will admit this. I had a GORGEOUS WEDDING to my xh and we had quite a few good years together before he became who he is today..It was a fabulous day (except for his sister and her stuff). Beautiful. Everything went well. Reception flawless.
But I remember what I wanted all along but back then, few did what I wanted to do..which was have an outdoor wedding and 2 weeks before our big, fat, gorgeous, protestant wedding, I remember crying and telling him I wanted to go and elope to Vegas. I really did that.
Fast forward to NOW…I am 100 percent thrilled and happy with my guy. Do I wish the same wedding? No. I am totally different in some ways. My style still is the same though somewhat. But I know what I’d love and am a bit more laid back also. Times have changed and trends have changed as well but finally MY idea of a gorgeous wedding is somewhat in style with what the rest of the world likes and that’s ok by me.
However EVEN IF WHAT IS IN STYLE was NOT MY STYLE, I’d still go with what I wanted period.
I don’t wish the same day. I could not imagine it at all. Heck, I still cried up until last year at the movie "Sweet Home Alabama" because I was worried I’d feel wierd and feel that pain I used to feel many years ago if I even thought of remarrying. I was afraid I’d cry and feel like Reece Witherspoon’s character did when walking down the aisle and the thunder/lightening stared. Yea, my girlfriends used to always feel wierd when I cried during this movie. When I divorced my x (and I initiated it) I still loved him. It took several years to get over everything and there is NO WAY IN HELL I could walk down the same aisle or have the same reception I did before. Too much emotion invested in that. It was pefect..for that day..for that time of my life..for that chapter in my life..but I am NOT the same woman now. I have grown. My heart has healed. I am anew.
Post # 13
My last wedding was performed by a rabbi and in a synagogue, we had two attendants (best man and MOH), and I wore a veil that covered my face. This one is similar in those respects (although the male attendant is now "dude of honor").
However, a lot of things are different:
- Last time, our ketubah (Jewish wedding contract) was plain text, written by my husband’s brother-in-law. This time, it is an artistic piece with wording we chose ourselves.
- Last time, we had engraved invitations, black lettering on ivory. This time, we have pocketfolds my FI designed, based on the artwork in our ketubah.
- Last time, we had the standard Jewish ceremony. This time, we wrote our own.
- Last time, we had an organist playing a random selection of wedding music. (I specifically requested that "Here Comes the Bride" not be played, but it was anyway.) This time, we are making a CD of music we both like.
- Last time, we had a chuppah (wedding canopy) and floral decorations provided by a florist. This time, we are making our own chuppah, and will have no floral decorations.
- Last time, my dress was a very simple white floor-length dress with a high neck and long sleeves, but no train. This time, it will be a strapless ivory dress with a crinoline and a train.
- Last time, my bouquet was a cascading bouquet. This time, my FI and I will have identical arm bouquets.
- Last time, the reception was a lunch at a restaurant, with an open bar beforehand but no entertainment beyond food and drink. This time, we will have a very small luncheon in a restaurant after the ceremony, but then a larger evening hors d’oeuvres reception with live music, dancing, and a DIY "photobooth" back home.
- Last time, we had a bouquet toss and a garter toss. This time, we will have neither.
- Last time, we used professional vendors for pretty much everything. This time, it is almost all DIY, from the wedding cake (baked and decorated by my FI) to the lighting (designed by me).
I didn’t make a conscious decision to make my wedding different this time. I am just not the same person I was 32 years ago, and the person I’m marrying is not the same as my ex-husband. Thus, my wedding won’t be the same, either.
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
That’s so WEIRD! Wouldn’t you want the new wedding to be as far removed from your first?
Post # 15
Mouse, I don’t agree 100% with that only because as much as the wedding reflects the couple, let’s be honest here, often the bride does most of the planning. I personally feel that both my weddings were a reflection of us AND me and while I am certainly a very different person, some of me is the same.
I love sticker (everywhere), fluffy girlie dresses and sharp dressed men. I love being silly (whether reflected in the NASCAR Themed table numbers I created for my last wedding, or my light-up ""Las Vegas" cake topper this time around). I love fresh flowers, and lots of champagne.
On the other hand, this wedding reflects the more intimate, carefree relationship I am in now. It’s more vacation than wedding, except for the quite moment when I promis him my life, my soul.
Both of my wedding reflect these parts of me, and how I have changed as well as my fiance and who WE are. This will be a different experience certainly, but I won’t go out of my way to make it a polar opposite, just to make a point.
Post # 16
it is going to be a different venue though Karma..and you could even restyle that gorgeous old gown ya know? Cut it off, or cut the bottom partially off and have flowy or fluffy girly layers?
I just think an encore wedding should have more fun in it imho! Fun and as little stress as possible!