Post # 1
When my grandmother passed away (quite some time ago) there were some issues that arose and my mother no longer speaks to either of her brothers. She gets very upset whenever my sister or I try to mention them, and has made comments along the lines of “You won’t have very much family to come to your wedding”.
One uncle I honestly do not want at my wedding, at all as he is truly not a nice human being and the way he has treated my mom and our side of the family is horrible. But the other uncle has reached out to me in the last couple of years and we occasionally speak. He asks me to visit him and my aunt whenever I go home. I have not done this yet because I fear what my mom would say and feel if she found out I was talking to him. He has attempted to mend the bridges between them even writing her a letter asking for bygones to be bygones, and she won’t hear any of it. I know that if I do not invite my uncle and aunt it will hurt them, but I am afraid that if I do that it will really hurt her, and she may not want to come to the wedding. She and my father are helping to pay for our wedding. Obviously I want my mom there, but I would also really like my uncle to be there. I honestly don’t know what to do. I can’t even talk to my mom about it because whenever my uncles are mentioned it becomes this huge emotional fight.
Any wise words?
Post # 3
My mom’s two siblings (a brother and a sister) are also not invited to my wedding. It sounds like a very simliar situation, where we broke off contact with them after my grandmother passed away. I’ve decided to leave the decision up to my mom, because I know as the bride I will hardly see them if they’re there, while my mom will have to deal with them the whole day and possibly days before and after. It’s not a situation I would want to put her in if she doesn’t agree to it.
It’s a tough decision, one that you definitely can’t make without talking to your mom. Obviously the last thing you want is for your mom not to attend.
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@lillivewire87: Invite your (nice) uncle, let your mom know you are doing so so that she is not blindsided. Maybe this will get them talking and on the mend!
Post # 5
@lillivewire87: Can you talk to your father and see if you can approach it through him?
Post # 6
Speaking as someone whose family get togethers could be on Jerry Springer, I say invite them. The issues between your mom and uncles are just that: between them. If she chooses to miss her own daughter’s wedding, that’s on her. Tell her you understand her position, but your uncle is trying to reunite and you choose to invite him.
Post # 7
let’s play devils avacte. i see your point of view on inviting your uncle because this is your day and not inviting him cause it makes your mom uncomfortable. Now my mom dosnt talk to her dad or sisters but she sticks it up at family gatherings for me. on the other hand there is a family in my old neighborhood that I can’t stand due to her daughter cleaning my private parts ten years ago and if my mom invited to them to a event that’s for me then i would be upset and feel uncomfortable. I do want to ask you why dosnt your mom like the uncle you want to invite?
Post # 8
@Ap2010 My mom is the youngest and the only girl. When my grandmother passed away she made my mom executor of her estate. Even though my mom was simply following my grandma’s wishes, her brothers took exception for lots of little things, and a couple big things (like other grandchildren owing my grandmother money when she died that my mom made them pay back out of their inheritance and put the balance into a scholarship fund…just like my grandma wanted). My one uncle was the instigator for most of it and said lots of nasty things, and my other (the one I want to invite) was along for the ride, didn’t say as much but didn’t stick up for my mom either. All in all, everyone feels like it is the other person’s fault. Like I said my uncle wrote a letter to my mom asking for bygones to be bygones, but she has a hard time hearing it and still won’t forgive him…I don’t want to air tons of dirty laundry but nobody is perfect and everyone’s feelings were hurt at a really hard time, so small slights became HUGE when they didn’t need to be.
All of my other family is on my dad’s side, and they live out of state…so part of me is being selfish and I would like to actually have some of my family there to celebrate with us. I don’t want to put my dad in the middle because I feel like it will make my mom think like he is chosing sides.
Post # 9
@lillivewire87: wow. I feel bad for your mom and what she went through but everyone makes mistakes. My grandpa didn’t have a good relationship with my mom but he has a good relationship with me. I guess at this point invite the uncle. He’s family and this is your day. If he wasn’t a relative then I would side with your mom but since he’s family and marriage is about the two families turning into one. my opinion is families are joint when your married.
Post # 10
@lillivewire87: let me add that if your mom truly loves you then she can stick it out for one day. That’s what a true family member is.