Post # 1
Anyone experience a demise of a friendship after getting engaged, especially with a friend who is single? I have been going through this for the past year. The friend was friends with both my fiance and I and has had trouble adjusting to the fact that we were no longer single. Sometimes I think she liked me better when I was single and she could complain about how miserable and single she was (and still is). She has treated my fiance and I badly and he flat of refuses to be friends with her anymore. Things haven’t been the same in our friendship since we got engaged last October, but I spent this past year trying to salvage the friendship. But now I feel like it’s just not worth it anymore, especially after last night. Yesterday was her birthday, I texted her in the morning, and got no response after that. Then I called her again in the evening after work, and wished her happy birthday, and she asked what I was doing and I said I just got home from work, and she was like “oh I guess you are not coming out tonight”. I was clueless and was like “I didn’t know you were going out tonight,” and she was like “Oh didn’t you get my text” and I said “No, I never got your text.” She said she was sorry about that, but I’m beginning to think that she never texted me in the first place and was just trying to cover herself. She didn’t even say thank you for calling her. And when I tried to talk to her a little bit longer to see if maybe we could do dinner the following week, she said shortly and rudely ” I have to go now, I’m with my friends.” Click. I have decided that I’m officially done with her. If I had done what she did to me, she would’ve been extremely upset. I should also add that she has complained about being single and still is single, and has also complained about losing friends, and the reason is is because she doesn’t appreciate the people in her life and has dumped boyfriend after boyfriend! Sorry this is so long but I had to vent. Anyone else experience this?
Post # 3
well, kind of similiar, after i got married i seemed to lose a lot of friends, sadly. :(. it’s not for me lack of trying, but it happens. but if this chick treats you and your fiance badly, then it’s not really worth having her as a friend. :(. it’s never easy to lose a friend, though. you have more supportive people, just remember that!
Post # 4
I’m sorry. She’s either jealous about you being engaged and her being single or upset because you may just not be able to have as much time for her since you are planning your wedding. I know when I was planning my wedding it was hard to have as much time for friends as I did before. If you are done with her then I wouldn’t worry about it but if it’s a friendship worth salvaging then you may just want to confront her and see what’s truly going on.
Post # 5
@rlsh86: Thank you so much for your response…you are right, and I do have a lot of wonderful, supportive people in my life. It is hard to lose a friendship, especially this one who has been one of my best friends for 12 years 🙁
Post # 6
@Oasis709: I had pretty much the same issue. At first my feelings were really hurt and I could not believe that my friend was not happy for us. I never really had a major event that made me say it’s not worth it anymore… but every time we talk she says something beyond rude or hurtful that keeps pushing me further and further away. I don’t think we really need these kind of negative, unhappy people in our lives. It’s hard to admit that to yourself when you’ve been friends with somebody for so long. I hope things go well for you 🙂
Post # 7
@MelBell11: I’m so sorry you are going through a similar issue as me 🙁 It’s really hard, but you are right, we don’t need negative and unhappy people in our lives. I have other friends (other single ones too!), that are thrilled for my fiance and I and don’t treat us the way she does.
Post # 8
@Oasis709: I would cut the cord there too. I had a friend like this in college when I started dating my boyfriend at the time. She actually came and out and told me “well, now that you have a boyfriend, I won’t be hanging out with you as much”. She was like that with every boyfriend I had in college, it was ridiculous. She completely changed when she got a boyfriend of her own. Some people are just immature!
Post # 9
yep. when fi and i started dating, my best friend got really weird. she kept telling other people how i always choose men over her and all this other stuff. i think she was just upset that i suddenly wasn’t around 24/7 anymore. i tried, and tried, and tried again to fix things, but she just wasn’t willing to put in any effort. i had to walk away. it was really sad, and i’m sorry that she won’t be part of my wedding, but i did all i can.
it happens, and it really sucks, but new friends will come along. if someone can’t be happy for me in one of the happiest times of my life, then i don’t need her in my life.
Post # 10
Unfortunately this is pretty common. I went through it myself with a friend that “didn’t like it when [her] friends have boyfriends” and proceeded to tell me that she didn’t agree with or support my relationship with my now husband. I’m much happier with her out of my life. Trust me, as much as it hurts right now you are indeed better off.
Post # 11
I am going through a similar thing too. My best friend recently split with her child’s father around the time my FI and I started talking about marriage. Shes enjoying the single life and I just dont enjoy going clubbing every weekend. We are definitely headed in different directions, and I hardly see her at all anymore now that she is always with her single friends.
Post # 12
Dumped by a whole group of friends after discussing the seriousness of my relationship with SO; it hurt alot, and still does, but Im grateful for the few friends who have gotten past their personal feelings about me no longer being single and have embraced my happiness. I hope you know that you are doing the right thing and that there will be new friends, beginnings very soon! 😀
Post # 13
I’ve really felt like I’m not on the same page with any of my friends anymore. It definitely sucks. I’ve really been trying to cut out the wedding talk around them but that’s what’s most exciting in my life.
I graduated from college 2 years earlier than most of my friends so they’re all in their senior year right now, worrying about finding jobs after graduation and stuff. They’re also out partying and celebrating end of semester and stuff like that. I’m not yet 21 so I can’t go out drinking and partying with them.
I’m an accountant and work a 9-5 M-F schedule but they’re bartenders, waitresses, etc., so they have completely difference schedules than me.
All these things just lead to us not being able to connect the same. I think getting engaged was really just the cherry on top of a sundae of issues for most of my friends. It’s hard.
Post # 14
Thank you all so much for your responses. I feel better knowing that I’m not the only one that’s going through this. Although I’m still sad about the fact that my friend and I have grown apart, I know it’s the best thing to keep my distance from her. Thanks again for letting me vent.
Post # 15
I actually have an opposite story…
I have been friends with this girl for 16 years. She started dating this guy who lived out of town. They were in a complete LDR for a little over a year before they got engaged and then married. I was really excited for her, I was a bridesmaid in her wedding, I helped with planning, everything (side note: at this point in my life, I had been with my boyfriend for about…4-5 years at this point, and we were talking engagement, so it’s not like I had nothing going on in the relationship department).
She got married and then moved with this guy to where he lives. She lives about 100 miles or so from our hometown and she does come up and visit. However, we never know when she’s in town. I’ve tried setting things up with her, but nothing comes of it. She was one who was super excited to have a boyfriend and get married (this guy was her first boyfriend ever). I feel like she kind of dropped contact with everyone once she got married. It’s really tough and I miss that friendship.
Post # 16
I know how you feel. When I got serious with FI when he was just my boyfriend, an older married friend of mine said, “karatechick, you need to watch out for your single friends. Before you were available when they wanted you to be (which is true because I never really dated much), and now you won’t be.”
My one good friend kept finding things wrong with my FI, who is honestly the most laid back, sweet guy I’ve ever met. He really encourages me to see my friends and such. And when I wanted to take a weeklong trip to South Carolina from PA to see a friend, he had no problem with me going alone.
This friend told me I was spending too much time with FI…I said, “I live with him, what do you expect. I mean, I could tell him to go into the bedroom for a while if it would make you feel better.” And then, when he and I had been together for about 4 months (and had known each other 4 years), I said that I could see myself marrying him SOMEDAY…she flipped out. We got engaged nine months later…then she meets some random guy and is engaged within four months of knowing him…and that’s not even all of it.
So I feel your pain.