Demoting Matron of Honor

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Some people have more than one matron/maid of honour so why don’t you have a maid and a matron of honour so they both know how important they are to you

Post # 5
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@MaggieG11:  What’s done is done -I personally wouldn’t have both a matron and maid of honour (unless I had two sisters that I couldn’t choose between) but I wouldn’t demote her either. That will likely cause offence and hurt her feelings. Has your sister given any inkling that she is offended by your FSIL being a matron of honour? Personally if  I were your sister that wouldn’t bother me at all but you know her best. I think you’d have to be quite an insecure person for something like that to bother you.

Post # 7
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

It is YOUR wedding. You get to make the choice, and honestly it doesn’t matter how it makes anyone else feel. 

I would have them both be “of honor”s at my wedding. Allow your sister to be the person who stands right next to you at the wedding…your future SIL will understand that. Let them both make MOH speeches (maybe even tag team if they’d want to). 

Honestly having 2 people to shoulder the wedding responsibilities is actually a big help. 

Post # 9
Member
7203 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MaggieG11:  Is your future sister in law married? Because you say you’re the first of your friends to get married. And a matron of honor is just a maid of honor who is married.

With the wedding 2 years away, I’d bite the bullet and demote FSIL to bridesmaid. I’d say something like, “I’m sorry but I didn’t realise it was uncommon to have two MOHs, what I meant to do was ask you to be bridesmaid, etc etc “

Post # 10
Member
865 posts
Busy bee

@MaggieG11:  I’d keep her as a matron of honor.  I don’t think it will take anything away from your sister.  In fact, I think it kind of works out that she’s married and you can give both of them special roles.

Post # 11
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@MaggieG11: Is your FSIL married? I assumed from you asking her to be a matron of honour that she was? I think mothers just look out for their kids and worry about them so I wouldn’t take what she says into account much, I’d have a conversation with your sister herself if you are really concerned.  

Post # 12
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My advice is to keep your SIL as your Matron of Honor and your sister as the Maid of Honor.  You are honoring both your current family and your future family by having them both involved.   Perhaps the two of them can “share” duties.  

To demote one or the other will cause unnecessary tension, drama and hurt feelings.  

Post # 13
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MaggieG11:  I had my best friend as my matron of honor and my sister as my maid of honor. It worked out fine for me. I divided up moh duties for them and they threw all parties together. They also both stood next to me on the alter (all other BM were seated in the front row)My fsil has both me and her sister as her matrons of honor.we’re just planning everything together. I completely understand that her sister will be the one to sign the marriage license, and stand closest to her!

Post # 14
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

my girlfriend has 2 matrons of honor and 1 maid of honor .. i honestly think its more common to have more than one. and im acctually kind of relieved about it .. this way i do not have to do all the planning by myself for activities with the bridesmaids etc.. 

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