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My husband was deployed for all of the planning processes, and was stationed in another state before (and after) we got married. He didn't officially come home until 6 months or so after the wedding. Honestly, it made it easy for me. I had something to vest all my time into (also sort of a "light at the end of the tunnel thing") and we didn';t argue about the wedding or anything. He didn't care about wedding "stuff" in general, just getting married (linens? food? he could care LESS) so i just picked out everything and that was simple. Coping wise, it was a one-day at a time thing. I worked out a lot (i wanted to look all hot when he got home! After all, he was gone for 15 months! and i needed to lose the weight i gained in college--oops) so by the time i worked all day, worked out, came home, made a healthy dinner, packed lunch, did some wedding stuff....my whole day was DONE! And it was bedtime. I didn't allow myself a ton of time to just mope. On the weekends I did stuff--went to farmers markets, worked out, watched movies, went out with friends, went shopping and antiquiung for the house, that kind of stuff.
Hey--my fiance is deployed and won't be back until about 4-5 months before our wedding, at least I hope he gets back with that much time. At first I was a little sad that he was going to miss the all the planning, but we live in different states anyway, and I have yet to meet a bride who really felt that their fiance was interested in planning. My sister put it to me this way, "my husband didn't help me with the plans and we lived together!" I've been taking it a day at a time, reaching out to my friends and family, and looking forward to the wedding. I try my best not to talk wedding when I hear from him b/c that really frustrates me. But the way I see it, we will have the most amazing welcome home party when he gets back, our wedding.
@lindsd16: how have your plans been coming along? PM me if you need to chat.
FI and I have the reversed situation. The first day back at work following my engagement, I was asked to deploy. That was 4 months ago, and I leave in a few weeks. I jumped right into wedding planning and was able to lock down all of the "biggies." I actually liked being under pressure of the deployment because I cant' take my time to make a decision, I just had to make one. And I can't change my mind because I'll be over there.
FI has actually been extremely involved because he's the one staying in the States and has to be aware of all the decisions in case an issue can't be handled by me over email.
I'm not in the Army any more, and will be working 14-16 hr days, so having the wedding and the planning to think about while I'm over there will hopefully work in my favor.
My fiance was deployed 2 days after he asked me to marry him and for 6 months of the wedding planning. He definitely heard about the freakouts I had. One day I would just want to go to Vegas after seeing how much it was going to be, the other day I would change my mind, etc. It was VERY tough but we have the same style so I was positive that I was picking vendors/venue that he would be ecstatic about.
I just had to take a deep breath and tell myself that I had tons of time to plan the wedding. I took things one day at a time and if I needed to vent, he was there on Skype to let me do that.
My fi is deployed at the moment and comes back before the wedding, but after all the stuff should be done. Mr. Lucky..but it gives me something to focus on and I have his mother to help me meet with vendors since she is semi-local.
But, I'm not coping as well as I did for his previous deployment. I have way too much time for my hand without school so I'm finding myself trying to come up with more things to do and I also have less friends around since we had to move.
@Violet Violet: Our plans have been coming along pretty well. Slowly but surely :) One of the only "perks" to the deployment was we agreed to hire a wedding planner so that I have some help with the all the planning, and someone to give me second opinions because I am the most indecisive person on the planet! We booked the venue and the photographer before he left, and since then I've booked a videographer. Next up... DJ!
@floridabeachbride: This is our second deployment together. The first one was relatively easy because we were still "new" and I lived with 4 friends and always had something to do. This time I'm alone in our house with our dog, so it's not as busy AKA not as distracting. I've been hanging in there pretty well so far, partly because I refuse to get down in the dumps this early in the deployment. If I get sad now, I'm in for a loooong year! It's almost worse in the month or so leading up to the deployment because it's just this dreaded day looming over your head, at least now we can start crossing days off the calendar!
@shastahun: don't you love Skype?!? You can't do a deployment without it! It's our saving grace.
Glad to know I'm not alone, but here's hoping everyone's deployments go smoothly and quickly! I'm always around if anyone needs to vent!!
@Nati-Lyte: Bless you for serving!! We are grateful for your service!
Skype never worked for us because the internet was so unreliable. I gather it will be the same on the second one :(
We are getting married before he goes because I don't like the idea of planning something for when he comes back. But if I DID, trust me - he wouldn't care - he'd rather NOT be part of everything for the planning (other than the cake casting!)
@jindc:I guess it just depends where they are deployed to, and what kind of facilities they have for the internet :( Mine hasn't cared too much about details, besides the budget! I thought he would be excited to do a cake tasting when he comes home for R&R but he even said that I didn't need to wait for him for that!! Who doesn't want to do a cake tasting??
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Just wondering if anyone else's fiance is deployed or will be deployed for the bulk of the planning process? My fiance deployed in July, won't be back 'til next July and we are getting married in October of '11, so he's going to miss out on basically all of the planning. Is this a stress for you to plan alone, or a relief that you can basically pick what you want? How are you coping?