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It sounds like you really are stressing yourself out. I think you need to take a break from planning for a bit and go out with your FI. Do something fun and don't talk about wedding plans. You need to nurture your relationship first.
That is not normal. If your relationship is that stressful that it is even affecting your health, then something is seriously wrong. Take a step back, and postpone the wedding if you have to, until you are able to straighten things out between yourselves and get your health back in order.
Pretty normal, as depressing as that sounds :) The Conscious Bride has some good words on why it happens, there's a website too if you can't find the book. Try to look after yourself and your FH, if that means taking a day or two without ANY wedding talk then do that. Highly recommended! Also, the usual stress relievers like exercising, seeing your friends, karaoke, having some naked fun, etc :) You *do* have time, because you can't afford not to! All the best.
I think its normal in that you're not crazy and a lot of brides-to-be have similar feelings. But, I think it means that you might be doing too much. I'd take a step back, ask for help/support. Your friends and family may just be waiting for the word. My FI and I have had a few really dumb fights about wedding related stuff (in fact, our seating chart is crumpled on the floor right now, grrrr), the only advice I can give is to give each other space when you see a huge fight coming before it escalates (which is why I'm here on weddingbee and he's in the living room playing video games).
Our engagement was the most stressful time in our lives. Whenever money is involved for something like this, guilt, worries all come to mind. It can be a really hard time for couples who individually don't deal as well with stress. Hubby and I are not good under stress individually so it was a real trial for us.
Something that helped us appreciate each other more was reading books about marriage and preparing ourselves to be better partners to each other. My fave was the love languages one! By focusing on how to better your relationship, you can help avoid conflicts.
i'm so freaking stressed out right now as well. i'm pissy and tired of being everybody's errand-girl. (hello, i'm the bride, aren't people supposed to be doing things for ME?! ugh.)
i feel you. we're almost there. hopefully no nuthouse por moi.
this is the most stressful time in your relationship. It is normal for most. Take a deep breath, both of you. Relax because it is not worth to fight about wedding stuff. Fights with family over wedding will leave a bad taste that you do not want after the wedding. Think about how close it is already and that it finally will be over. The only reason there is a wedding is because both of you love each other and you want to be with each other so just make sure that is your priority over everything else. Good luck.
I agree with Izzy... this is the most stressful time in your relationship without a doubt. You two need to take a weekend to yourself (even though there isn't much time left) and just relax. It sounds like you are just freaking out which to a certain degree is normal but not to where you are fighting all the time.... thats no good.
Sounds normal to me.
To me, being engaged is a life transition, and like any major transition (graduation from college, moving, grief, new relationship, parenthood) has its own highs and lows. Fighting all the time, especially if you're fighting about a bunch of different things, is probably your own way of exploring the dynamics of the relationship now that it's about to become more permanent.
I highly recommend Emotionally Engaged, which is a great book you can download and read right now if you want. That book really helps sort out whether you're having an "engagement freak-out" or if there is some other issue. She also does a great job discussing family dynamics prior to a wedding.
Also The Conscious Bride; she's a little touchy-feely at times, but it's a good book.
Don't feel alone! Unfortunately I think it's somewhat normal (especially if you are prone to stress) to become completely unhinged at least once during this time! I'm totally ashamed of how I behaved just last week. FI quickly forgave me for being completely insane, but I am still feeling crazy guilt over my blowup. I honestly can't even remember what triggered it.
Oyster is right, I also read Emotionally Engaged and found it to be a wonderful book. I think everyone experiences the stress of the wedding differently, and I think you are totally normal. My SIL was so stressed out, she got ulcers the week of the wedding! Try to do something, anything, to help you and your FI relax and get through these last few days.
Oh this is so normal! Lots of deep breaths! I felt the exact same way 3 weeks before my wedding. I was incredibly stressed out and felt like I was snapping at my then FI over nothing. The one thing that brought me back was getting a very thoughtful gift from one of my work vendors. They sent me a picture frame that was personalized with our names as Mr. & Mrs. It was one of the first times that I had seen it written out, and I just started crying. It's what the day is really about.
So, try to do one thing at a time until the wedding is here. Enjoy your shower even though there aren't many people who are going to be there. Grin and bear his family, and soon enough, you'll be married and (hopefully) on your honemoon!
My sister and her husband were exactly the same way in the weeks leading up to their wedding. Ugh... I was lucky enough to be the target of her frustration sometimes. :( But anyway, after the wedding everything went back to normal, and they've been happily married for about 7 years now. I think it's totally normal. Maybe that's why we have honeymoons! ;)
I think it is normal. This is a very stressful time! I think the best thing to do would be to take a step back, breath and do something NOT wedding related with your FI to get back to "you". I think everything will be ok. I know that sometimes when FI talk wedding we fight about it, then it moves to other things. I really don't think you are alone and I believe that once the day comes, everything will be ok and you will be happy! Just hang in there and take some time for the 2 of you.
I was miserable the last month before our wedding. I was totally stressed out, exhausted, not sleeping well....but my wedding day was amazing!! Just try to relax as best as you can, sleep as much as you can and keep your eye on the prize. You'll get thru these last few weeks and your wedding will be here before you know it. The last few weeks flew by for me!
Hang in there! :)
Thank you everyone for your support. The hardest part is that FI and I are *still* long distance and will be until 6 days before the wedding, so all our fights have been over the phone. He is very resentful of the wedding at this point. I hope that when he gets into town, we can have a night out, but my mom who is paying for the wedding and working her butt off on it wants it to be wedding stuff 24/7 so I don't know if that will happen. I will check out Emotionally Engaged and The Conscious Bride if I get a free minute, though!
I'm right there with you, lady. I'm 11 days out, and I should be happy, but I'm miserable. We invited 200 people, expected 150, and will be lucky to clear 120. I throw a "no one wants to come to my wedding" pity party every day. I feel like people (including my FI) never stop asking me questions and giving me more tasks to do. I feel like I waited and planned throughout a 2.5 year engagement and now I'm practically begging people to show up.
I'm exhausted and overwhelmed and generally very crabby. So no, you are not crazy or alone in this.
Daniellemybelle, are we sharing a life right now? I feel exactly the same way you do, and my FI is totally over the wedding and just wants it to be done with. I have one more bridal shower this weekend, and I'm so over it that I don't even want to go.
I'm trying to deal with it by just making sure that FI and I have plenty of non-wedding related convos, like, last night we went on a little picnic and I didn't say one word about the wedding (ahhh.. so nice!). It's harder since your FI is long distance, but REALLY just carve out some time with him once he's back, go on a Date Night, relax, and just enjoy one another.
For the record, I think how you feel is totally normal :)
Hugs to you. I think wedding planning is so stressful because we all have so many expectations (family to be supportive, FI to be wonderful, bridesmaids to be involved, wedding showers to be perfect, etc, etc) and we always end up a little bit dissapointed. Not to mention the stress of trying to do one million tasks in a short period of time. I'm 39 days out and had a mini freak out on Sunday about how many things we need to do and how we are running out of time. Just think - you'll be a mrs soon and the wedding stress will go away.
It's totally normal to have less patience and to get into fights more easily with those around you when you're stressed out, whether it's from planning a wedding, moving cross-country, or changing jobs, or any other major life event.
Ride it out, you'll be just fine :) Recently my husband and I moved to another state and oh my god, we almost killed each other. But now that we're all settled, everything is back to normal.
So sorry you're feeling badly. Those last few weeks before the wedding were really hard. I've heard from a lot of people and also my husband some feelings of wedding resentment as the wedding approaches and they see their stressed out woman and the focus not being on the relationship but this huge overwhelming party. After I had a little outburst, we had a talk and I reiterated why we were doing this and all the thing I was excited about and how great a time he was going to have with all his friends coming into town and just tried to get him EXCITED again.
Someone had also given him the advice that his opinion was my opinion, which for us was terrible advice so I kinda had to let him know to please share his opinion as long as it wasn't 'why are we even doing this' because it was too late now to elope and all it would do is make me angry.
So I tried to stay as positive as I could with him about wedding stuff and not act too frustrated, and found a venting outlet other than him. We usually are completely open and honest with each other, but the last few weeks before the wedding we needed time to not talk about the wedding (even though that was the main thing on my mind) and focus on each other and all the exciting aspects even as there were 10000 stressful things still left hanging, but that's part of why you have bridesmaids or parents or friends.
I'm 11 days out too - OUTA MY MIND!!! I just wanna say, at the risk of sounding snarky and being bumped to another 'chat room' that the one or two people who have responded to you by claiming your stress and depression-type feelings are NOT NORMAL are the ones in denial. My personal but humble opinion. It was so refreshing to read this post. I am so sick of reading all these sunny posts about bees dying to become the little Mrs. and loving to pieces the weeks, days leading up to the Big D. Heck, me too, but I can be in touch enough with what I'm feeling, with what WE'RE feeling to know a coupla' things. 1) I'm about one detail away from insanity, and 2) I've been thinking lately I'm crazy to be getting married, or perhaps, crazy to be getting married to this man I love! These are BRIDAL JITTERS. And this stems from deeply rooted stuff to do with separation issues, which every human being has -- no matter how sunny you seem. You know, to look at me, I look remarkably composed, flawless skin, clear-eyes, bouncy demeanor, working insane hours, good-natured -- you'd never know I was losing it at home every five minutes or on the verge of shouting or crying 'bout every 20! I love some of the suggestions -- about simply tabling the wedding 'talk' stuff a bit with the FI and just sitting back and enjoying something else for a little bit. This is overwhelming... it's coming up fast. I've planned all -- with NO help -- and I have to let it go at some point and leave it to fate and everybody else who will be on hand to implement it all... and just hope it works! Meantime, I'm a wreck!!!
I kind of went through some of this myself. My only bridesmaid was being a bitch. I had a dress i wanted her to try on weeks in advace of the wedding and she ALWAYS had something going on and "couldn't" try it on.
Finally, one day I just got mad and told her she was out, (after a week of not talking to her.) I still let her come to the wedding (although she didn't show) I couldn't have her as a bridesmaid. She didn't have the money to buy the dress, but my husband and I offered to pay for it! She STILL wouldn't try it on......I said forget it.... That made me so mad. I think that was the only thing that REALLY ticked me off during the planning...
I am not a therapist but speaking form experience there is another elephant in the room that you all need to conquer. General crakiness, irritable, and irrationalism may happen as a result of financial issues ect. But you said it yourself the arguments normally lead to "bigger issues" which I will assume are topics outside of wedding planning! So that leads me to believe that you all may be sweeping something under the rug to deal with after the wedding, when the reality is you need to deal with it now.
Sit down and really think about what is bothering you, find a way to approach him that will not make him become defensive or shut down. This is imperative because there will be bigger and more complex issues you all will have to deal with when you are married and you need to develop a system that allows you both to put down your battles axes and fight fair giving each a chance to calmly express concern dismay ect!
At the end of the day remember that this should be the person that you can say anythng to he is your life partner!
My prayers are with you!
Good advice TheMrs2010. I'm preparing for my second (and final) marriage. This time around I am totally focusing on us as life partners and how that will be best achieved, not as much on that one day. When a disagreement comes up, or an issue that I see as a potential in our future - I look at it totally different this time around. Don't kid yourself into thinking "I'll deal with this after the wedding." The wedding does not make everything better.
I highly recommend going on a date with your FI ASAP!!! My husband and I had lots of stressful moments leading up to the wedding. In the last few months, I instituted a "no business" date night every now and then. It was a chance for us to go out and simply enjoy each other. (Like we did all the time when we were dating!) For us "no business" meant nothing of a business/decision making nature - no wedding planning, no talk of combining bank accounts, getting a "family share" cellphone plan, etc., etc. The only thing on our agenda was fun and connecting. Those no business dates were lifesavers for our relationship during that phase! I know what you're probably thinking, I'm too busy with wedding planning to take a time out from everything. But, trust me (I've been there!), do it and I'm guessing you'll be glad you did. HAVE FUN THIS WEEKEND! 
EDIT: I just read the OP's comment that her FI is long-distance. However, to the rest of you stressed out ladies, go out on a date with your FI this weekend! Just enjoy him.
Thanks for all the advice, everyone. Just to clarify, my FI and I have a great relationship, I can just blow things out of proportion in arguments. I think my nervousness about this lifetime commitment makes me overanalyze things I should probably let go. My FI is a wonderful man and I have every confidence in our future together! It's just the next two weeks I am uncertain about 
Anyway, we are going to do our best to sneak away for a date night as soon as he gets in town, a week from tomorrow!
I wish you lots of luck and happiness! Hang in there...it's almost over. I know exactly what you are going through and all I can say is try to take some deep breaths and not enjoy the experience. I was miserable in the weeks leading up to the wedding. The anxiety of making everyone happy just completley overwhelmed me...and lots of awkward moments with the in-laws did not help. The few days before the wedding I snapped at anyone and everyone...I think I finally calmed down while eating dinner after the ceremony!! Weddings definitely take on a life of their own. Hang in there!!
Ugh, my FI are going through the same thing, and we are 3 weeks from our wedding too 
I hope it's gotten better for you, and hope it gets better for me/us too!!!
Um no... it's normal... COMPLETELY normal. Weddings are very stressful, especially the planning and the people involved/invited. Many times vendors (like the cake or the flowers) are not on the same page, people say they are coming and then back out, family members call and stir things up with "why didn't you invite this person?"
It is completely NORMAL to be scared... I'm terrified! My fiance and I have known echother for about 20 years, reunited in 17, been dating for 3 and engaged/living together for 2... My wedding is in 12 days... And we are fighting, we are stressed and it;s normal.
My FI is stressing out in his own way and is now starting to say some mean things and raise his voice pretty loudly at me... I was just yelled at about a loaf of BREAD! Because of this arguement we are currently not speaking... I am angry for being yelled and and won't tolerate it. It seems as the date gets closer and closer (instead of being excited) I am scared... I don't feel like myself, I'm stressed and worried and breaking out in rashes and can't sleep. My FI is also my best friend and I know him better than I know myself sometimes... Because of this I can safely say that the stress is getting to him too and he is acting out at me.
Everything that is wonderful about a/our relationship (the reasons for getting married in the first place) are being over shadowed by a dark, heavy veil of stress. I NEVER expected to feel this way. Also it isn't easy to be positive about something when there are people being negative about (what is supposed to be) the happiest day for us. I think we all put too uch energy and stress into the details and the people involved/invited and we are losing grasp of WHY we are getting married.
These last 2 weeks... I have never felt so lonely from him, it's scarey.
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Our wedding is in 19 days. Last August, when we got engaged after months of "waiting", I thought 19 days out I would be elated. So excited, so ready. I am the furthest thing from that. I had severe stomach pains last night from stress, and cry all the time. FI and I are constantly fighting about wedding related things that quickly devolve into bigger fights. Everything seems so overwhelming and trivial all at once. Sometimes I can't believe how much money and time we've spent on something that will last just a few hours. I've had a few awkward situations with his family, and I anticipate more when his mom and sisters drive 7 hours this weekend for my shower, which is going to be a bust - probably 12 guests including my mom, myself and the three of them.
Basically, I am not happy or excited. And I hate it. How did this go from being the happiest thing in my life, the center of everything, to the thing is ruining everything? Am I crazy or is this normal?