- 3 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius
So far this year things have been going very well for me personally, me and FI booked our dream wedding, we have starting planning and booking everything, I am back on the weight loss wagon and accepted a great new job offer last week. Also after suffering with clinical depression and anxiety for years I’m finally starting to get it under control. Not everything is perfect, still have some debt to pay off and the wedding, not to mention saving for a mortgage – however with the new job it’s all starting to fall into place.
The only problem, FI’s life seems to be going in the opposite direction, he is a car salesman and early last year decided to try another path before he was 30, it didn’t work out and then he had a run of bad luck and bad dealerships, he finally found the perfect place, family run, great commission and bonus and he loved the cars (Jaguar & Landrover). Then 6 months in the family sold it to a large corporate group, since then they have changed the contracts, cut the fuel allowance, slashed the commission by 40% (this now apply’s to any cars he sold months ago but not ready to go out yet) as well as a heap of new procedures which makes it difficult for him to do his job and keep up the great service to the customers for which the dealship was renowned. One guy has handed in his notice without another job to go to because he just can’t be there anymore, one of the admin ladies was crying to FI the other day and was going to walk out, it’s just falling apart.
Since all of this just before Christmas he has been getting more and more down, more and more stressed and generally becoming very unhappy. He is angry that he finally found his ‘perfect job’ and then this happened, also on the release of a new car last year he worked hard to sell a lot of cars, there was a long waiting list and most go out this March – the amount of commission due was enough to pay off the rest of the ering money which was on a credit card and half of the wedding, now with the new rules and commission structure in place he is getting only 60% of what he thought, not to mention them messing up his taxes & commission for last month which has put him in his overdraft and credit card (they are unable to sort this out until next pay run ‘apparently’). So now he is also worried and stressed about money, although I have told him with the new payrise I am getting I will be able to save double what we origionally thought – but he is just getting himself deeper into depression over this, he is applying for other jobs but as he has moved around jobs so much in the last 18 months it will be hard for him to get an interview unless he has been at one place for a longer time.
I have suffered with depression so I get it, I really do, I had to seek help (medication and therapy) to help, and still getting there, but he refuses to get any help. All day, every day he just complains about everything, calls me at lunch to say this has happened, my boss has done this, then he calls on his way home and does the same thing and that he really doesn’t know what to do (all the while hasn’t asked how my day was, I am leaving this job because I hate it here, I hate the path I’m on and some of the people I work with hence finding a new job, but I leave it at work, he doesn’t even know when I have a bad day), he has a bad day and snaps at me, he quickly apologises for taking it out on me etc but it’s starting to drag me down again. All the things I was happy and excited about have a big black cloud over them now which is really sad, I really want to help him through this and get out the other side but not sure how to do this. I want us to look forward to all of the great things this year, and for him to just get on with things for a bit, work as hard as possible and when the time is right find something else.
Sorry for the long post here bee’s, any advice or simular situations? How are you coping?