(Closed) Depressed and tired of waiting…

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1657 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

If he’s seriously thinking about buying a home with you, I guarantee the proposal won’t be too far away. I think talking about it will make it worse, so maybe just tone it down a bit and give him time. And don’t talk about it too much either; it may just bother him more.

Post # 5
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Stranger516:  I understand your concern about moving in and never getting a ring.  That being said, I absolutely, 100% understand his desire to live together prior to marriage. No one wants to believe it, but you learn ALOT of things about eachother when your guard is down and you’re sharing 4 walls. My philosophy was that I’d rather learn those things (and make sure I was compatible with those things) prior to making such a huge committment.


I had several naysayers tell me that my boyfriend was “getting the milk for free” so to speak when we choose to move across the country together not being engaged (incredibly inappropriate).  That was a little over a year ago and I believe he is purchasing a ring this month.


My point is: try to see where he is coming from. I’d consider the idea if you’ve been dating so long anyways.

Post # 7
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It really sounds that he’s assured you he will propose when you’re in the house living together and it won’t take years… Sounds to me like you need to just let these few things fall into place and be patient.  Like PP said, bringing it up is just going to irritate him especially since he’s already given you his answer – that it will be shortly after you move in together.


Waiting sucks, but at least you are waiting knowing he definitely wants to be with you and married to you.  The worst kind of waiting is when women aren’t sure their men ever want to marry them.


Enjoy the househunting experience and try to keep the engagement stage out of your mind for now 🙂

Post # 8
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@Stranger516:  I actually know how you feel. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years, we are both 25 years old, and we live together for one and half years. We moved in together because it made sense, we were both working (me part time) and he full time in a decent paying job, and me almost finishing my degree (spring 2013) so, a year ago I was exactly in your position.

I moved in, I thought that it would lead to marriage if things when downs smoothly, which they did, and six months from now I started to get that “itch” in my ring finger…

I talked to him and he basicly said: “Marriage? I didn’t even thought of that! Well of course I want to marry you (I knew that) but not yet, I want us to be more settle before that, and we are far too young!”

I was heartbroken. Not only he didn’t though about it, but it was miles and miles away in our future, when I was hopping it would come up this year (the engagement).

Then I told him: “but if we get engaged it will be at least 1.5 or 2 years until the day, with all the planning and stuff, so it’s not like we are getting married next month”.

He didn’t know that. Well moral of the story, if I could make it all again, I would definatly have a really good tallk with him and let it clear that I want a ring in my finger in X amount of time, so he would wake up. So my advice to you is exactly the same, have a talk with him and let him know that you are willing to move in with him but he needs to realise that doing so you expect to be engaged, let say, in less then a year period.

Sorry you are feeling down, but don’t let it ruin your relationship. You already have the man you want to get married to, is more then many people can say, so enjoy it 🙂

Post # 9
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@Stranger516:  We’re twins! lol. In June, it’ll be 6 years for SO and I, and I’m in nursing school too!

In your situation, maybe I’d try and find out how long into living together it would happen. Don’t push for something too specific, but ask if it would be a few months? 6 months? 1 year?

Post # 10
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

i totally feel for you – i’ve been with my SO for 6 years and we’ve lived together for 3 years now. we’re both in grad school, so i understand how difficult it can be to figure out when everything will happen! it’s great that your SO is working full time, that should shorten the time as well 🙂

i would say enjoy the stage you’re at – it’s so exciting that you’re going to be living together, and just make sure he knows how you feel about an engagement. it’s not controlling or mean to make your expectations clear – it’s healthy for both of you to talk about your plans for the future. 

congrats on moving in together!


Post # 11
482 posts
Helper bee

@memo:  shes been asking him for a timeframe on ‘when’ over and over, obviously that hasnt gotten her very far


letting him know your expectations on when youd like to get engaged is not an ultimatum. its far better than the alternative, living together indefinitely without a clear timeline..


Post # 12
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would not buy a house with someone I wasn’t married to. Not even engaged, but married.  That’s just me though. I think he should be able to at least say after we move in together, we will get engaged within 6 months or 1 year or 2 months or whatever it is.  It’s ridiculous he won’t at least give you that. I’d put house hunting on hold if I were you until he can give you a more definitive timeline. 

My Darling Husband wanted me to move in with him before we got engaged, I didn’t want to live together until I got the ring even though we were ring shopping at the time.  We compromised and agreed that within 6 months of me moving in we would be engaged.  That’s not an ultimatum, it’s an agreement made between 2 people. It worked very well for both of us.


Post # 13
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@NickiBee:  I wasn’t suggesting her to say this again “what is it going to take another 6 years for us to get engaged after we’re finally living together?” There are ways of talking about these things without it blowing up into a huge fight. I know sometimes it can be hard to do, though. I was suggesting her to ask in a non pushy way where he thinks things will be in 3 months, 6 months, 1 year after they move in together. I wouldn’t want her to move in with him thinking they would get engaged 2 weeks later if that’s not how it will be. It would just make things worse.

She could say ” I understand and respect that you want to live together before proposing, but to calm my nerves, would you be able to let me know approximately what timeline you’re thinking? would it be shortly after we move in or would you like to get settled first and wait around 6ish months for it to happen?” If he is standoffish about the question, then just drop it i guess.


Post # 14
482 posts
Helper bee

@memo:  im not referring to her ‘another 6 yyears’ comment. im referring to her previous posts on the same issue where she has asked him for a timeline on when after living together.

Post # 15
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Stranger516:  OP, 23 is still young imo. I totally understand why you are frustrated after 6 years of dating. That is a long time. However, the number of years you are together does not mean much if he or you are not ready for a marriage. He might be saving up to make down payment on the house as much as he can. That may be why he has not yet proposed. I suggest not to fight with him over it. Just go with the flow.

If you feel uncomfortable moving in with him before the proposal/marriage, just don’t. No one should pressure you to do anything against your will. I did not move in with my Fiance before he proposed although he hinted that I could move in with him to save $ on rent since he has his own house. I told him I would never moved in with a man unless we are engaged. He got the message.

So, I don’t think it’s a good idea to bring up the engagement subject until he got his house. But don’t move in either unless he proposed.

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