Depressed Husband. Any advice, input? Please read.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@Imbadatmakingupusernames:  wow, my heart hurts for both of you! This is so sad. My fiancé has had bouts with depression,  as have I, but the fact that he is talking about suicide in any aspect is worrisome IMO. 

So glad he is going to counseling, I could never convince my fiancé to go even when I thought he desperately needed it. Thankfully he worked through it and is in a much better place mentally. I know it’s hard to see him suffer and not know how to fix it. Hopefully when he gets thrown into the busy life of a med student he will be occupied with his studies.

Post # 4
Member
8047 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think you’re doing all the right things for him, and it’s good he’s being open with you and seeing a therapist. He’s lucky to have such a compassionate partner. I think he’ll be okay, the majority of people have depressive periods at some time or another. Just keep being there for him and being patient. Try to find a way to exercise together too, it can be nice and meditative to get the blood going and it releases endorphins. hugs! 

Post # 7
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m sorry to hear that you and your husband are going through this. It sounds like you are being extremely supportive and doing all the right things! It probably means a lot to him that he can share his feelings with you and knows that you’ll listen and be there with him. My first thought was counseling so it’s great that he is willing to do that and already has his appointment set up. Is there anyone else he can reach out to as well – like friends or family? He wouldn’t necessarily have to tell them exactly how he’s feeling if he’s not comfortable with that, but I think it’s important just to stay connected and involved with others since depressed people have a tendency to isolate themselves. Also, it really stood out for me that you have been in a relationship for 7 years and this is the first time he has been through an episode of depression. I think it would be worthwhile for him to get a medical check-up just in case there could potentially be an underlying medical issue (like a thyroid problem or vitamin deficiency or something like that). I hope things will start getting better soon! 

Post # 9
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Hmm, it sounds like maybe a lot of different things piled up for him and became overwhelming in the last few weeks. The holidays can be such a stressful time too, especially if it’s your first time being away from your parents. Well, it sounds like he is very motivated to get back on track, and willing to try anything that might help, and you are obviously committed to supporting him, so that all seems very positive and hopeful!

Post # 10
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m sorry to hear that your husband is struggling. I don’t have much advice but I will say, as someone who has been there– if you can, tell his counselor or whoever he goes to talk to that he mentioned the word ‘suicide’. He may say he won’t do it but I will promise you, if it’s crossed his mind once, it’ll cross it again. Make sure someone knows so they can help him deal with it. I always said I wouldn’t have the nerve to do it but I have tried a few times. I was hospitalized for a week when I was 19 because of it. I know it’s not something you want to think about but it isn’t something you can regret later. Just be there for him, like you are, and he will realize the support he has in you. Good luck

Post # 11
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Imbadatmakingupusernames:  wow poor guy. It just sounds like he is going through a rough patch. I am glad he is seeking counseling. As a graduate student I can understand the pressures… also understand the weird feeling of nothingness when off from class. It sounds a lot of what he is feeling, is based on the fact that he has a years before he will complete his degree and be able to start the life he envisioned…. That feeling of being stuck is horrible and can totally make someone doubt, feel hopeless etc. He sounds like he finds great comfort in you! Maybe plan a trip (if you can afford it) or a day trip, to do something he really wants to do, so he has something to look forward to. Or try to get hima into a hobby, which helps keep the mind from wandering. Having nothing to do, all day long… in itself IS depressing. 

 

Post # 13
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Imbadatmakingupusernames:  

I did a week in the hospital, then a few months of counseling after. I tried medication but every single one made me worse- the side effects say ‘may increase suicidal thoughts’ and that is exactly what happened to me. I have been in therapy off and on since I was 13, when I started cutting. I get absolutely nothing out of counseling or medication- the meds make it worse and every counselor I have dealt with has made me feel like I’m crazy. It’s not that at all- I needed help dealing with my anxiety and bouts of depression. Not crazy. I eventually got to the point where the only thing that helped me was writing everything down, getting it out in the open, and lighting the pages on fire. I get it out, I get to see it, re-hash it in my head, then get rid of it so I can’t look back. Sounds different but it worked. I haven’t been on any medication for a year now, no counseling. I have pills I can take if I need them for anxiety, because I have never done well with crowds, but I haven’t needed even those in 6 months. I managed to get by because I’m a stubborn red head who wouldn’t listen to them tell me I couldn’t. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about anything else 

Post # 15
Member
251 posts
Helper bee

Sounds like the classic “existenstial crisis” that a lot of athiests go through. Me and my SO both struggled with this at different times and came out on the other side. If it is what I think it is it usually passes with some support, alone time when needed, therapy which he is already doing, etc. I hate to say “it’s just a phase” because it is not to be taken lightly but I do believe it will pass as a lot of people with the same beliefs or lack therof have struggled with similar issues.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_crisis

Post # 16
Member
989 posts
Busy bee

@Imbadatmakingupusernames:  I’m so glad he’s going to counselling. I went through a breakdown last year and was thinking of death all the time, it was awful. I did see a counsellor who really helped me. I think you’re doing everything you possibly can – all you can do is be there for him. My SO went through major depression with thoughts of suicide a few years back, and it was a really tough time. There was nothing I could do to make it better apart from be there. Many nights I sat up by his side as he talked about not wanting to be here. Seeing his doctor regularly and being on medication helped, and eventually, he started to feel better.

I read something once in a book written by a psychotherapist (whose name escapes me), but he said everyone has thoughts of death, the thoughts are normally kept safe by ‘keepers’ in the mind. It’s only when the thoughts have escaped their keepers that they run rampant in a person’s mind and they become overwhelmed with thoughts of death. This is generally why people don’t think about death all of the time, because the keepers stop thoughts of death from overwhelming the conscious mind. I know I’ve had many a time when the thoughts have escaped their keepers. The keeper thing was such a simple idea, but it really resonated with me.

It’s a great thing that your DH can be open and honest with you. I did mental health first aid and they told us that it’s completely appropriate and acceptable to ask someone if they have plans to kill themselves. It’s appropriate to ask when. It’s appropriate to ask how. If they have a plan, it’s time to act (call an ambulance).

Life, and death, can get so horrendously hard to deal with at times, but he’s making such an important first step by seeing a counsellor. I hope all goes well, wishing the best for both of you. Remember to look after yourself too, especially because you’re prone to depression.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors