Depressed over not being able to plan/afford our wedding

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m in the same boat, only it’s been almost 2 years now. Frown

 

I’ve managed to save up some $$, but my FI hasn’t bothered to save a dime. When I bring it up he says, “Can’t we just get married by ourselves?”

 

I think I deserve a wedding, but I’m starting to just give up.

 

All I can suggest is putting aside a little bit each month and living within your means. It might take an extra year or two.

Post # 4
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry. I feel you on the not being excited about the wedding and putting planning on hold (although ours is for health reasons). It sucks to have to pretend to be excited about something that just makes you feel bummed.

Maybe setting up a timeline would make you feel better? It sounds like you know exactly what you want, which is so helpful! Have you priced it all out yet and determined how much it will cost? If you have, then maybe you can figure out how much money you’re able to set aside each paycheck, and from there determine when you’ll have enough to afford the wedding you’re dreaming of. Just knowing a month and a year might make the light at the end of the tunnel a little brighter! Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry for how you feel 🙁 Although I’m not in the same situation as you, I can relate sort of. I feel depressed sometimes about a few aspects of the wedding and it sucks. 

Something you wrote stood out to me: “real brides”. You ARE a real bride. If you’re engaged, you’re a bride. There are a LOT of brides who have set their date to be 1-2 years from now for the same reasons you have. You are not alone.

As for people asking questions, it seems that you do have answers to their questions! You can say, “Well, we haven’t started planning yet because we want to focus on our engagement. I do envision having a small, intimate wedding hopefully the ceremony and reception will be in the same location, maybe a barn or farm or something” (Obviously I don’t know if you want your wedding in a barn or farm). You can share your ideas at least with them.

I know you mostly came here just to vent. I think you’re doing a great job so far of being understanding of the comments people make, because they really do mean well. Just remember you’re not alone!! 

Post # 6
Member
1330 posts
Bumble bee

I am really sorry-big hugs!!!!! Is there any way you two could take out a small loan-I know, not the best way to start off married life, but you do get some money usually when you get married, and this would help offset the loan.

Also, maybe talk to your bank about different kinds of high interest savings accounts they offer. Some will automatically take a certain requested amount and transfer it over to your savings every time you make a purchase-an easy way to get saving.

Also, any opportunity for second jobs?

Work backwards-I would honestly look at how much you need-build a wedding budget for the food, venue and flowers you guys want, price it all out and set a date. Figure out how much you can afford to save each month-stop eating out if you do–even if both of you get a takeout coffee a day, thats 60 bucks a month that could be set aside to go towards a wedding.

Once you set a date, you will feel a lot better. You will find a way to get there-where there is a will, there’s a way.

Post # 8
Member
4047 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am so sorry. I know how you feel, I have been engaged for a long time and face the same questions. A close family member got married this spring, and I was happy and excited for them. But I have been depressed since, I can’t imagine even planning a simple affair like theirs or having people be that excited for us. It has gotten so bad that instead of asking us about a date, people assume there is something wrong with our relationship. It’s painful.

I do feel better when I remember that in my heart of hearts, I married, committed to another person, now we just have to make it official somehow.

Post # 8
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Hi! I know it has been sometime now, but I am in the same situation as you I am really bummed out I cant afford  a wedding althougth my situatuion is a bit different  my FI and me met abroad I am from a different country and need to get my papers  to stay and work here so there are other immigration expenses in the way, anyway I get really sad when my friends ask the how is the wedding planning going ? Cause like you said there is nothing going on but a court ceremony and a restaurant reception .Please tell me It got better with time.

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