- 2 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius
Sorry for the potentiall depressing post, just looking for somewhere to vent and get advice.
I have suffered on and off with depression for a long time, I started taking anti-depressants in 2009 after hitting rock bottom and have had various ups and downs over the last 4-5 years. I discussed with my doctor around 3 months ago starting to come off the anti-depressants for a 3rd time (I have gradually come off them twice before, both times relapsing quite badly), and at first I felt fine, however now I feel like I am on another downward spiral. This could possibly be just because of coming off the medication but also could just be due to a few other issues going on at the moment. I have been having various tests to get to the bottom of a number of symptoms I have been dealing with over the last 12-18 months, perhaps longer, they tested me for tyroid issues and various other conditions which run in my family including cushings syndrome. The last set of tests is for early menopause. I am 27 and both my mum and my grandmother went through menopause in their late 20’s/early 30s and considering my cycles have been very simular to that of my mums (starting my period at 11 and having very frequent, heavy periods throughout most of my life until having the marina coil put in around 5 years ago) I am at fairly ‘high risk’ of going through early meopause myself. I am desperate for children, although for various reasons me and FI would like to wait to have kids for a few years, depending on upcoming tests etc I will find out if we need to starting thinking ‘sooner rather than later’ if I want a decent chance of concieving, however don’t want FI to feel like I am putting the pressure on just because I want kids. Not only can early menopause cause very up and down emotions but I am feeling very stressed at the whole concept, as well as all the tests and poking/proding around which isn’t helping my current ‘mood’.
One of the ‘symptoms’ contributing to the testing above is also the fact I put on weight incredibly quickly (I can put on up to 14lbs in around a week) and find it very very hard to loose, I have lost 7lbs in the last 2 months and the wedding is in 4 months so stressing that I will be an over-weight bride and my wedding photographs will look horrific, which isn’t helping the situation at all!
In addition to all of this, I am having constant issues with FMIL who is making life difficult and each time I think it’s all sorted, something else happens. She is going through a bit of a tough time currently, however I am finding it harder and harder to fine sympathy for her (her constant issues with her on/off relationship with a married man, her behaviour at work getting her fired, her lack of respect or thought for other people causing family issues with her son and daughter) and I feel she takes a lot out on not only me but everyone else around her, causing arguments between everyone else as well as her.
Sigh, sorry for the long rant, just feel like things are getting worse yet I have so much to look forward to, I don’t want to be the depressed girl, I try so hard to be happy and up-beat all the time at work and with my friends, only a few people know about my issues with depression, otherwise I keep it all in until I get home and cry, can’t get out of bed and generally wonder if I want to be here. It’s hard to talk about with people you know, and I never want to burden any of my friends or FI with all this, although I know they wish they could understand.