Post # 1
Hi Bees, I know a lot of you out there have a wealth of life experience so here goes:
I don’t think of depression as something that can be cured or that it will just disappear one day. I won’t go into details because it’s too long and I know that I’m not alone in this. I’m 30 and I’ve been struggling with this illness since I was 14.
I can name a million reasons why I should be depressed and do the same with why I shouldn’t be. I’m no different to the next person who has shit going on in their life. Getting married 9 months ago certainly didn’t help in the anxiety field but I’ve gained a different perspective on things.
No amount of medication and therapy seems to work and i’ve given up on these anyway. I guess my problem may lie in the simple fact that I pretend that there’s nothing wrong. I hate to have to say this but the only way out of this I can see is of the permanent kind.
I can’t talk to my husband, family or friends about it as I don’t know what I want them to say.
When I was younger I just imagined that when I grew up, everything would be ok. Now I’m here and it’s not.
Am I the only one?
Post # 3
Nope, I struggle with depression and anxiety too. Right now I’m in a bit of a slump, my Fiance is out of town all week, I haven’t left the house, changed my clothes, showered, or done anything productive for 2 days. Other than getting food or going to the bathroom I’ve either been in bed or on the couch with the tv on and my laptop.
But I do go through phases, kind of like the tide, sometimes things build up and I get anxious and depressed, and then they dissapate and I’m ok for a while. I find staying on top of things really helps. Its when I let the little things pile up that they snowball into an unfaceable situation that I fear and avoid.
I also don’t talk about it to anyone really. When I go out no one would guess I have depression and anxiety. My Fiance knows a little, but being a typical man he wants to ‘fix’ things, and because he can’t fix it, it stresses him out so I don’t tell him. My dad doesn’t really believe in mental illnesses, which makes it hard too.
I think it does get better though, I have a lot of stress in my life right now, so I’m going through a bad patch, but it won’t always be so stressful.
Post # 4
@mrswaite: When I was younger I just imagined that when I grew up, everything would be ok. Now I’m here and it’s not.
I hear that! Big time. I struggle with sadness a lot lately (not full on depression) and I think a lot of it has to do with feeling let down by the world big time. I think I’m an idealistic person and had hoped/believed that people would act like adults and life would be better because I could control the outcome more. Part of the way I’m learning to figure things out is just realizing I have no control and to just try and let go of my “vision” of what I thought the world was like,
I have been pretty depressed in the past…and it does get better. This is a really horrible time of year if you are prone to depression. I hope you feel better soon!
Post # 5
You need to talk to your husband and family about this. Didn’t you vow to be with your husband through sickness and in health? What if he was depressed, wouldn’t you want him to feel good about coming to you? Being honest is only fair to him and will probably make you feel better than pretending all the time.
Also, you could speak with your doctor about getting a high dose of medication or switching your medication. You could also try meditation, acupuncture or other alternative remedies.
Post # 6
@Roux: Your reply mirrors my life, thank you for your reply:) Now I know I’m not the only one and so do you.
The going through phases and about the men in our lives trying to “fix”things and not being able to is also true for me. I have been going through a tremendous amount of stress in the last four years and I often forget that. If I sat down and wrote out what’s happened in my life in that time frame, I probably have my answer as to why I feel as I do. My dear Mum always says öther people are worse off than you”, I could honestly slap her!
Post # 7
@kate169: I can understand how you feel about the world letting you down. I myself don’t look at the world like that as I’m not a people person and thoroughly enjoy my own company. We definately can’t control other people’s actions and it’s all about learning different ways of not letting them get to us (which I’m still trying to grasp)
At the moment I’m in the middle of packing up our house by myself. My husband lives on the other side of the country and we’ve just bought another house over there. We’ve been married for 9 months and seperated by distance for 5 of those. I have to leave my family, my friends, my business and the security of my life here. I’m excited about a change, I call it my dirt change (like a sea change but in the desert). So it is a bit of a challenging time for me at the moment!
Post # 8
I’m going to bed now, but I thought I’d drop by and say that I just had a long hot shower and brushed my teeth twice and I feel a bit better already. In the morning I’m going to make a to-do list and try to get a few things done. Baby steps.
Be kind to yourself MrsWaite, love yourself for who you are right now, depression and all. Treat yourself the way you’d treat your best friend; with love and kindness and patience. It’s okay to be stressed about stressful things. Where are you moving from/to?
Post # 9
@redheadem: Thank you. Maybe that’s what is eating me up inside because I’m not being honest. My doctor sent me to a psychologist to learn “coping strategies”and I couldn’t even be honest with her and I don’t even know her!
You’re right about making my vows to my husband and if it were him I would like to know. I’m tired all the time and maybe it’s that I’m tired of pretending. I just know that he’s not going to like or know how to deal with what I have to tell him. Due to his upbringing he does not ‘do’emotions or crying, that’s why I don’t feel that I can share my feelings with him. He is still a wonderful person though who tries so hard to provide for us. His way of trying to ‘make me happy’is to go to work so he can earn lots of money!
The truth will shock him, that’s my problem.
Post # 10
@Roux: You’re so kind! I’m always good at giving advice but never taking it like the ‘be kind to yourself’part!
Also, when I go out no-one knows about my anxiety and depression either. The stigma attached still stands despite education.
Good luck with the to-do list, I find that sometimes I just need to gain some momentum then there’s no stopping me (until I crash and burn:)
I’m moving from the Sunshine Coast in Queensland to Kalgoorlie in Western Australia:) My husband has the most rewarding job in the mines over there.