Post # 1
i am just crushed! i just found out this morning from my FH that the money we thought we were getting from his credit union, at an incredibly low rate, is a no go!
i planned to write checks tomorrow! i was in the middle of going over contractual terms with our banquet hall when hit with the news!
he wont be able to get that money until he pays off a personal loan with them….quick calculations say the soonest this could be is July.
there is no available help from parents. my grandmother is contributing $1000 and buying my dress.
we dont have stellar credit. we have no savings to speak of. i know the sage advice that any rational soul would give would be to table the wedding until we are financially fit to pull one off.
i have grown sooo attached to our November 1st wedding date. its breaking my heart to think that it will be even longer before i can be with my FH. we’ve been long distance now for 6 months. living together before marriage is not an option. and I am currently living at home with my parents and 3 siblings and that is slowly driving me bat sh!t….
i am just sooo hurt. and upset. and anxious. and scared. and every negative emotion that one can think of.
so my first question is: what do you think we should do?
the 2nd question is: how are you paying for your wedding (savings, loans, credit card, mom and dad, ect)
Post # 3
additional info: i moved back in with family about 3-4 months ago so that i could focus on paying some credit card debt.
I commute an hour and a half each way to my job that i left in the city i used to live in.
i’m 26. working at a job i dont like and does not compensate me adequately for the work I do. have been looking for something else but job market is less than stellar in my area.
i can’t pick up a second job until i eliminate the commuting from my first.
Post # 4
Can you contact your potential vendors and sign contracts with no down payment, but the obligation to pay in full? Some vendors might be willing to work with you. Another option is to just wait to pay for things until July, but that all depends on how popular your vendors are.
Another option is Zopa. They’re only affiliated with certain Credit Unions, but it is a new (and AWESOME) way to get money/invest money when you want.
We are paying for our wedding by ourselves. No help from parents or relatives… just us. My tax refund alone is $6500, so that’s a big help. Some things we’re putting on credit (like decorations and our silk flowers), but most of the remaining amount is coming from savings. We’ve been saving every single dime lately, so it’s been helping a lot.
I can only imagine how you are feeling. I know you are attached to your November 1st date, but could you possibly move it to October 31st or November 7th (a Friday night)? Prices are much cheaper and wedding usually don’t begin until 5pm-ish anyway.
Post # 5
Oh my hunny I am so sorry! (Hugs!)
Lets first just not make a rash decision. – I know it’s not the greatest of ideas but you could bring things down and make the wedding more intimate, then have a HUGE reception when you’re more finacially able.
Don’t wait to marry your true love just because the money isn’t there right now for a big party. What matters is your union and though getting used to the idea of not having the regular traditional set up might be hard, I think it could be worth it.
To answer your other question, we have the money for the wedding because of an unfortuante car accident that almost took FH’s life back in 2004. I’d gladly give it up to have kept him from being hit head on at 60mph – so I’m not of much help in the "where to get the money" thing. I do not suggest where ours came from!
Hang in there, and if you need anything let me know!!!
Post # 6
With regard to your first question, I don’t think anyone on this board will tell you that it is a good idea to be taking out a loan to finance a wedding, so the fact that you weren’t approved by the credit union is probably a blessing in disguise.
You can get married at City Hall by a Justice of the Peace. That way you are married, haven’t spent a lot of money, and can move out of your parents’ house and in with your new husband. If you want, you can always save money and have a reception or a vow renewal down the road when you have more money.
With regard to your second question, I’m paying for my wedding mainly by myself with savings. My parents have also graciously offered to contribute a sizable amount. But I don’t see how the answers to your second question will really help you. If you don’t have much money now, then you either need to scale back your wedding plans, or postpone. But you will be much happier in the long run if you haven’t started out your married life with additional debt from a wedding.
Post # 7
I’m so sorry! This is a tough situation, but from my perspective, I would say to have a small wedding or elope and just be happy! You can always have a reception later if you heart is set on it, but it seems that what is most important to you is to be married and living your life with your husband. A wedding doesn’t have to be candy buffets and photobooths and $4K photographers. It has to be you + your man + a lot of love. That’s all.
Post # 8
sigh…..i went around and around this mulberry bush right after the proposal…….getting married at JoP just wouldnt make me happy. i would always regret not having a traditional wedding.
i am not opposed to an intimate event, however, i have been fighting with my mom over the guest list. despite the fact that she is not contributing, she is determined to send an open invite to the church as well as invite all of her aunts and their children. that number is staggering and a whole nother issue that i wont get into here.
Post # 9
I must respectfully disagree with Dani’s comment that you take out a loan through zopa. You clearly have a significant amount of debt already. You mentioned that you have consumer credit card debt, and your fiance also has an unpaid loan, which is also debt. Moreover, you both have bad credit. Do not dig yourself deeper into debt! If you take out a loan, it will be subject to repayment with extremely high interest rates. According to the zopa.com website, your interest rate will be somewhere between a whopping 8.75% to an even more whopping 16.99%! You don’t want to be in this much debt!! (Not to mention, you might not even qualify for a zopa loan given that you said you had bad credit and zopa requires a minimum credit score of 640.)
I know it’s not how you envisioned getting married, but please consider going to City Hall, or, like Sweeney2Be said, just scale back your plans. You will be so glad not to be in even more debt.
Post # 10
Oh dear, I am so sorry to hear about it. I do agree with Little Monster and Sweeney – if you really want to be married, it isn’t about anything but you and your FI joining in marriage, which can easily be done without the hoopla – a simple ceremony with immediate family and closest closest friends present, and even a simple but fun dinner after (think bbq). Your wedding day is only a couple of hours of your life, but your financial situation and loans don’t go away that quickly. Mr. T and I are paying for our shindig ourselves, but are having a small wedding that we can afford, and if we couldn’t afford what we were doing, we would probably do what i suggested. Good luck with everything and let us know what you decide!
Post # 11
My parents are very kindly paying for most of the wedding. The remainder we are financing ourselves. We have to fix up his house ($$) and sell it, move into mine ($) and his son is going off to college the month after the wedding ($$$). So we couldn’t afford much on our own. Our original plan was a very small service and nice dinner out afterwards, immediate family and closest friends only, me in a nice dress and him in a sportscoat and tie. The biggest single thing we are financing, the RD, actually looks just like our original wedding plan but without the ceremony.
If somehow the money from my parents disappeared tomorrow, we would just go back to that original plan. It would certainly be enough. The important thing is the commitment to each other, and if you pare down your guest list to only the most important people in your lives I’ll bet you come up with two dozen, maximum. And every one of those people would be happy to throw a potluck to celebrate – and I would bet that somebody would love to host it in their home.
Go ahead and get married. All the stuff you see on this site – the fancy invitations, the crafty favors, the fabulous dresses, the color-matched attendants, cute flower girls – it is not the important part. And if you really miss having had it, go ahead and renew your vows a few anniversaries down the road with all the associated festivities. You’ll enjoy it more when you’re not worrying about every penny that goes into it.
Post # 12
LittleMonster, you make an excellent point. I was opposed to financing our wedding until i found out the interest rate being offered by FH credit union. its barely 1%. now, i guess that doesn’t matter….until July, that is.
I do not want to shoulder ourselves with anymore debt than we have. I just dont know what to do……
Post # 13
Unfortunately our desires to "just be happy" often are what lead us into debt to begin with. Buying things that make us happy vs. buying what we can afford is dangerous. You may not be happy with anything other then a traditional wedding but the the best gift you can give to yourself and your marriage is to be debt free. The amount of stress caused by being in debt can suffocate any marriage. Being debt free will eventually be something that makes you happy.
It’s fine if you want the traditional wedding but just adjust it to your budget. You are an adult and need to put your foot down with your mom. I promise she won’t quit loving you. There may be fights and tears and pissy attitudes but be firm. Tell her she can invite anyone she is willing to pay for. Period. Have your wedding on the date you want, have the traditional church wedding with the people you want there and then have a nice dessert reception or something equally as low key.
Do NOT take a loan or go into even more debt for something that is just a day. Ultimately this will do more harm to you and your marriage.
Post # 14
My only advice is to remember that the marriage is more important the the frills of a wedding. I know that’s probably against the grain here in the hive, but I’ve enjoyed planning a wedding within my means and yet, still realize that the marriage and being with my FH is the most important part of it.
Do something small, until you can save for the day that you want!
Post # 15
You’re getting good advice here – its just not what you want to hear. My only other recommendation is to completely bare bones it – have the wedding at a church – rent the attached hall (which usually won’t allow alcohol a blessing in disguise) and pot luck it. You get to wear your dress, have friends and family there and get married. But you need to remember to just say no! Just say no to all the little things that make it so expensive, favors, invitations, flowers, bridal parties, photographers, etc. You scrape up the money for the hall (which should be cheaper than other sites) and you already have a dress. I think the pot luck bit will come off better at a church hall wedding than anything else.
You’ll have a wedding and the memories and that’s all that matters.
That being said my mom gave us half and we’ve saved half during the year, but we don’t have credit card issues either so it helps with saving. I’ve had credit card debt, believe me that not adding to it with a wedding is something you will thank yourself for years about.
Post # 16
One of my close friends found himself in the same perdicament. What he did was just get married with all the parents and the siblings together and go out to a nice dinner after. Exactly one year later they threw a big party for all the extended family and friends! (as for picking the date, they got married on a Friday so the year anniversay landed on a Saturday).
Like Suzanno said, none of the lace and fancy paper matters, all that matters is the love you two have! It all works out somehow, just take a moment to breathe!