- 6 years ago
Ok bees I decided to go undercover for this post because I do not know what to do about my best friend. I love her but she is draining me emotionaly (sorry for the long post before hand).
My friend got pregnant at a young age, she had to drop out of college to work full time and be able to care for her daughter (the baby daddy is out of the picture, he hasn’t paid child support and she doesn’t even know where he is). She has this arrangement where her daughter stays with her aunt because my friend works long hours to be able to provide for her. She only sees her in the evening to feed her and put her to bed and on weekends, this has been going on for 5 years.
When her daughter was 6 months old she started dating a guy who was nice to her and her baby. I didn’t care much for him because he was possesive and extremely jealous. After dating him for a couple years my friend started pressuring him to get married and because he wouldn’t they started having problems and breaking up/ making up for the next 2 years. She was not happy and all she wanted was a ring, so “she started looking around” she said if she found another guy that was willing to commit she would dump her boyfriend of 4 years. I did not agree with that but by this time I was already tired of trying to be there for her and comfort her. She finally broke up with the guy over the summer and I thought it was over for good.
Fast forward to a month ago she said she is talking to the guy and trying to work things out but she gave told him that if they got back together is because they are going to get married. But she is still looking for other guys that might be interested in starting a family soon.
Now to the part that has me worried and hopeless. She called me a couple days ago to tell me her ex (from like 10 yrs ago – high school btw) got married. This is her 3rd ex-bf that gets married and she started crying because everyone around her is getting married and she is a couple years shy of 30 and has a daughter and its not happening to her. She feels her life is over and that she has no goals. Her biggest wish, what she wants the most right is to get married. I think she is at the point that she doesn’t care who she marries as long as she is married. She says she needs another income in order to be able to have her daughter live with her and pay for daycare/pre-school and not work such long hours, some days she works from 7 am – 11pm. And she went 4 months without taking time off – working on weekends too.
She has me so worried saying that she has no goals, that she is just living day by day because she has to. I have never met someone so obsessed with getting married. I have tried to advise to go to a counselor to talk about this, I’ve told her that pressuring a guy into marriage is not the way and that is doomed for disaster, marriage is not everything. She says I don’t understand her because I have been with someone for a long time and I am getting married in a few months.
I am planning my wedding and as much as I love her I try to keep the wedding talk to a minimun when I’m around her, she is one of my bridesmaid but I sometimes avoid her because having to plan a wedding is already stressing enough let alone having to help a friend that is so desperate. I am worried about how she is going to be on my wedding day.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated.