Desperately need advice. Over Inviting??

posted 3 years ago in Venue
Post # 3
Member
6032 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

It’s a really bad idea to over-invite. just don’t do it. Once you’re at capacity, you can’t un-invite, and it’s REALLY inhospitable to expect 4 tables of guests to stand all night. You’ll need to be more selective with who is invited. Perhaps move some people to the B-list and only invite them once you’ve got some declines in.

Post # 4
Member
3955 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Don’t invite more than the venue can comfortably hold, and please don’t remove tables.   

Post # 5
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette snob here… lol

Indeed Over-Inviting for what a Venue can realistically hold (or you can afford to pay for) is NEVER a good plan.

My best advice here is to go with a well organized B-List, and a B-List Plan (either 2 RSVP Dates, or send out your first round of Invites with lots of time to spare).

B Lists are not impolite, they have been in use by Good Hosts (even Heads of State etc) for eons.

“The Secret” is all in how you manage it, and that you don’t publicize the fact that you have multiple lists (A, B, even C).

You don’t want your Guests to ever feel they were “second best”

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 6
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Jessicachantal:  Oh god nonononono. NEVER invite more people than you can comfortably entertain. Seriously, this kind of thing does not just work itself out. 

I’d really like to know why your FMIL gets to invite 200 people to yor wedding. It sounds as though she’s actually got more guests coming than you do. What’s up with that? It kind of seems like the obvious solution here is to tell her she’ll need to cut more of her people so you can seat everyone. Is there a reason why you can’t do that? 

Post # 7
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

How many out of town guests do you have? That is a lot of people to expect all of them to come I would think a bunch will decline. Do you have an idea of who might say no? 

Post # 9
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Last tip on B-Lists…

Send your farthest Invites out first (there is no rule that they all have to go into the mail on the same day)

Then as the NOs come back…

You send out Invites from your B-List (in moderation**)

** What this means, is for EVERY NO you get back, you send out half-as-many new Invites.

So if Aunt Sally, Uncle Bob and the Twins can’t come (4 people)… you can then send out an Invite that covers (2 people)

If all goes to plan, and people reply in a timely matter… then things will get clearer as you get closer to the actual Wedding Date / RSVP Deadline…

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 11
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Jessicachantal:  I see a B-list as your only option other than thinning out your guest list all together. The consensus here is really not to over-invite!

If FI is really that unwilling to tell his mum to thin out the herd or let you switch venues, I think you need to go to her and have a frank conversation. You’re willing to pay for the deposit, I don’t see the problem!

Good luck OP, I can’t imagine how hard this situation is!

Post # 12
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@Jessicachantal:  Tell the mothers they have 70 people each (your mother stated that’s probably how many would be interested anyway) they can invite, end of story. Why should they get to invite so many? That is utterly ridiculous. They may have a B list for those no’s that come in, but that’s it. It’s just one of those things you (AND your FI) will need to put your foot down on.

Post # 13
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Jessicachantal:  Glad to help.  MY BEST ADVICE when working thru these details on your Wedding is DON’T TALK ABOUT THE PROCESS.

Infact the less you talk about your Wedding with others the better / smoother things seem to go.

Need to talk… come to WeddingBee, lol

And sure as heck don’t put up stuff about your Wedding on Social Media… FaceBook, Twitter and the like.  That just gets the nosey people bothering you even more.

Wedding Website with details with those invited fine (put the address somewhere in your Wedding Invitation Pkg).  But don’t publicize your Wedding to every person you know… cause even the most casual types will somehow think they should be included… lol, and they’ll be brazen enough to tell you so to your face (or worse… if you have it on FB, they can spam your info all over / make a mockery of you and your choices… and tell others what a Bridezilla you are cause you haven’t invited them…).  Yes maam, the crazies are out there as several unfortunate Bees in the past have discovered !!

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 15
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Jessicachantal:  Glad you got through the conversation well and you’re ontop of the situation now! Good luck! 🙂

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors