- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2011
I am in desperate need of some perspective and advice… First of all – I am writing under an alias. My FI’s brother’s wife (so my FI’s sister in law) is and always will be a difficult person. She is very unemotional and looks at things from a “logical” perspective (her words, not mine). I on the other hand, and a very emotional person who wears my emotions on my sleeves.
When FI and I first started dating, I was told how difficult she was – but I was bound and determined to get along with her. Sent her emails, Facebook-ed her – everything I could do with 3000 miles between us. FI and I even went out to visit them in another state when we had only been dating for like 8 weeks. When my FI and I got engaged, I immediately asked her to be a bridesmaid – not because she was a close friend or because we got a long really well – just to include her in the wedding.
This past year I finally had enough and realized she was in fact a very difficult person. (A lot of stuff had happened up until this time). My FI asked me to not say anything about any of the things I was upset about, so I honored his wishes and did so. When we started planning the guest list, his parents TOLD us that her family (all six of them) needed to be on the guest list. This is something I struggled with for a very long time as we are limited on space and there are family and close friends of my FI and I’s that are not even on the guest list right now.
Then in March, it was revealed that the SIL was pregnant and would not be able to come to the wedding. My FI and I were told about this in a very bad way – they called and put my FI on speaker phone with his parents there and were laughing about the whole thing. (At this point – I was pretty sensitive because I had another bridesmaid tell me two weeks prior that she may or may not be at the wedding because she is due two weeks after my due date.)
I was not included in this phone call and in fact, she did not actually call me for an entire week after that to even talk to me about the fact that she needed to step out of the wedding. (Please let me clarify – I completely understand why she can’t make it, I just feel like it should not have taken a week for her to call me.)
When she finally did call, my FI asked me not to say anything about how I was upset and again, I honored his wishes. I congratulated her on the pregnancy and that was it. In all actuality – we never talked about our wedding. (Another side note – she picked out her bridesmaid gift two weeks prior to this – knowing that she wouldn’t be there.)
Over the next few weeks I let little things that she did get to me because I was so upset. Throughout the course of this, the SIL and FI’s brother asked us to her invite her sister to the wedding so that she could babysit their daughter. This upset me even further.
My FI called his brother and told him this was not going to be possible. This lead to a huge fight between my FI, his parents and his brother. I finally had enough this morning and called the SIL and very calmly explained why we couldn’t invite her sister, but would cut two of our friends to make this possible. I further went into why I was upset with her and that it was going to take me some time to get over everything, but I eventually would because we’re stuck with each other for a long time after our wedding. I also told her in the future, I would rather talk to her about things directly rather then going through a bunch of other people. My FI was sitting right in the room during the entire conversation and heard everything that I said on my end.
At the end of the phone conversation, the SIL told me she was hurt that I had pretty much “removed” her from the wedding because I had asked another girl to step in, took my her (the SIL) off the wedding website and was no longer planning on giving her a bridesmaid gift. She told me she thought that I would make her an “honorary” bridesmaid. I told her I would think about it but was really not sure about such a thing.
After that phone conversation, my FI’s parents came over and told us that my FI’s brother was livid with us, that I had “attacked” his wife, that I said I would never speak to her again and that I would never forgive her. My FMIL even went so far as to tell me that “her two boys were not speaking right now because of you (me).”
I don’t even know what to do anymore. She completely took everything I said and – for lack of a better word – lied about it all to her husband. Further more, now his parents are furious with me and want me to make her an honorary bridesmaid. They even went so far as to tell me to make it a priority to get over everything.
I have always looked forward to getting married because you – in most cases – inherit more siblings. I only have one sibling and was super excited at the prospect of having another brother and a sister… What do I do????