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Tim Robinson is our videographer, and he's reasonably priced, talented (he did my sister's wedding, too, so we've already seen his finished product) and definitely stays in the background.
We used Bryan Sarkinen. http://www.bsarkinenwedding.com/
You might also want to check with your photographer. They often have great suggestions and will know which photographers they prefer working with because of their unobtrusiveness.
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Getting married in Princeton, NJ, living in NYC, and wanting a videographer for the wedding. Someone to simply capture the day and the moments I'll miss, but nothing intrustive, annoying, in people's faces on the dance floor, etc. Help!
(Thanks : )