Post # 1
Hey Guys, i was recently invited to be a bridesmaid in a wedding party. I thought it was nice to be asked. However, I just got an invite to the bachelorette party which the matron of honor decided after talking to the bride that the bride wanted to do a 3 day bahammas cruise. We were told it would be around $400-$500 a piece AND we were expected to each put in 100$ for the bride taboot!! The matron added in the email that if we can’t make it she would still like us to contribute the 100$ for the brides room, excursions, tips, & spending money on board? This is the first wedding i’ve ever been invited to be a part of… wedding party wise.. this seems a bit over the top?? There are only 3 bridesmaids.. and we never got to make any suggestions at all about the party. Also.. I mean we have to pay for the shower gifts, the dresses, etc.. this is becoming a bit crazy. What do i do????? Also.. the bride I have not seen in 14 years since high school.. we’ve talked around 3 times since then on the phone.. I was surprised to honestly have been invited to be a part of the events. Please Help!
Post # 3
Yeah, that’s crazy. My BM’s couldn’t even put forth $50 for my bachelorette party, and some people out there are expected to spend over $500? That is madness.
I would flat out tell them that you can not afford it. And to add in the fact that you have not seen the bride in 14 years?? I would definitely not be shelling out that much unless I was close with the bride and could afford it.
Post # 4
Wow…that’s a crazy amount, IMO. Especially since none of you were asked about it first! I wouldn’t give anything. Just tell her you can’t afford that. It’s also strange that you were even asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, honestly, since you guys haven’t even kept in touch!
Post # 5
@sandydee79: That’s a lot of money to spend on a party on top of everything else. I wouldn’t go and I would put in an amount that I felt comfortable spending for the bride. I think if you (as the bride) are planning an expensive bachelorette party, the bride should put in too.
Post # 6
For me thats a bit much to spend for someone elses wedding on top of buying a dress and all other Bridesmaid or Best Man expenses.. I didnt have a bach party at all, and I dont understand why bach parties have to be so elaborate and expensive. You guys could just as easily have fun at a local place
Post # 7
I’m not seeing why the bride should get a free cruise just because she’s the bride. I’d decline and not pay the $100. If it’s so important to the MoH, then she can pay all of the bride’s fare.
Post # 8
My fiance is going on a destination bachelor party. His best man has offered to pick up his airfare and my fiance is paying for his own hotel room. I’m sure that the other guys will buy him drinks and such, but since they weren’t involved in the decision making process they aren’t expected to pay for anyone besides themselves.
I think that the bride should pay for at least part of her trip herself, or the matron of honor who planned it should pick it up. Maybe you could tell her that in leiu of giving you a bridesmaid’s gift she can just spend the money on the trip?
Post # 9
Bachelorette parties are turning into a “one-up” competition for some people.
Whatever happened to a night out with the girls?
I would rsvp that I was unable to attend and not send the $100. If the Maid/Matron of Honor has any concerns and contacts you for follow up, I would have no hesitation in telling her that this was way beyond my budget.
Post # 10
Even if you can afford it, it’s absurd to request that kind of money without consultation first. I’d politely tell the Maid/Matron of Honor (cc’ing the other girls) that this is coming out of the blue for you, you hope the party is a great one, but you won’t be attending and will not be making a contribution. No need to explain further. If she pushes back, deal with it then.
ETA: I’m actually not opposed to the blowout bachelorette/trip/big spend. It’s not what I want for myself – and not what I’m doing – but for some of my best friends, I’d be happy to attend something similar. The issue for me in your situation is lack of communication. I hate it when people presume this sort of thing.
Post # 11
The thing that the bride and matron of honor need to understand is everyone has different financial situations. I think it is reasonable to ask all the bms to contribute to the bachelorette party for the bride, but the bride should have considered the cost of the bachelorette party she is asking for.
My friend is in your situation right now, she has already shelled out $500 for just the shoes and dress and now she has to cough up more money for the bridal shower and bachelorette party. I’ll give you the same advice I gave her just yesterday: you need to speak up and let them know you can not afford to spend that much. If they don’t understand, then I would let them know it might be best if she found another bm, because you don’t want your financial situation to affect her plans.
Post # 12
I don’t blame you for telling the MoH no on this, and not contributing to the bride’s trip. Seriously, the bride helped pick out a vacation that she’s then expecting other people to pay for? That’s just obnoxious. It’s one thing to go in on things like dinner, drinks, cover charges to any clubs, maybe even transportation. It’s another to expect the women standing up with you to pay for a vacation.
I would add to PPs who suggest declining to contribute that you might want to contact the bride around the same time and say that while you hate that you’re unable to go on a cruise with her for the bachelorette party, you would be happy to take her out for dinner and some drinks for a quiet celebration or something. Obviously, that assumes you can swing it, but it’s certainly far more reasonable than a cruise.
Post # 13
This is insane!!! I would never be able to go on that and if I wasn’t going I sure as hell wouldn’t be pitching in for a bride to go, nor would I expect someone to do that for me. Bm’s can hardly afford a 200.00 bridesmaid dress much less a 500.00 cruise!
Post # 14
wow, that is ridiculous. We went to vegas for my bachelorette and I paid for my own flight and my share of the hotel room. My girls chipped in for drinks and paid their own way and my sister paid for my ticket for a show. I would never expect BMs to pitch in for a trip for me!
Especially if you can’t go, I do not think it is reasonable for you to pay ANYTHING!
Post # 15
When I have been to a destination bachelorette party, the girls who went all pitched in and covered the costs for the bride’s hotel room (which she shared with other girls) and meal costs. We also bought the brides drinks and stuff. This was fine with all of us because we split the costs between 8-9 girls each time. Plus, we were all very good friends on the brides which sounds like isn’t the case for you. That kind of puts you in an awkward position. I would skip the cruise and offer to give an amount that you feel is reasonable (maybe $40-50) to be put towards the bride’s expenses or something. The Maid/Matron of Honor definitely should have consulted you before planning a pricey bachelorette party!
Post # 16
Wow! Thats alot to ask of a person. She should have consulted the rest of the bridal party before deciding on what the bachelorette party will be. I would just let her know you cant attend and offer at least a little something that is within your budget.