Destination bridesmaid holding me hostage – Need advice

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@amanda2:  I would still invite her. She should be relieved of her duties. If she can attend, she will attend as a guest. 

Post # 4
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee

@amanda2:  why not just say, bm, we are cutting it close to the wedding. I would love to h e you but understand if you can’t  I need to know by x date. obv say it in a nice way, but that’s the message. 

Post # 5
Member
6751 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t know why you don’t just let her make this decision for herself.  Is she your only bm?  I would just pick the dress you want adn tell her if she wants to be in the wedding, she needs to order it by so and so date and if she doesn’t order it in time, she can either come as a guest or not come at all. 

Post # 6
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@futuremrsk18:  I agree. Give her the dress, the date, and the option to get it or not. And then you will have your answer.

Post # 7
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@futuremrsk18:  +1 and if you’re worried about having even BMs and GMs, try not too. It’s not a big deal. I had 6 and 3! 🙂 Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
1812 posts
Buzzing bee

@amanda2:  Is she buying the dress?  Are you?  If the dress was purchased but she was not able to come and be in the wedding would it be a financial hardship for whomever is purchasing the dress?

I’d probably say “bm, I know things are unsettled right now, and I hope that you know that I want nothing more than to have you stand with me.  I’m willing to have that be an unknown until the moment before I walk down the aisle.  Unfortunately the dress decision needs to be made before that.  Should we just assume due to the timing it’s unlikely you’ll be able to come and that if you come it will be easier to do that as a guest rather than a bm?  Or should we order the dress and have it ready just so that if timing works out you can stand with the wedding party? I understand either way, but  wo have a plan to move forward, what do you prefer?”  by the end of the week we either purchase the dress (just in case) or decide that if you’re able to come it will be as a guest.  Which do you prefer?”

 

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