Post # 1
My fiance and I live in Horsham PA and and I want our wedding to be in Baltimore Maryland as I am originally from Maryland. Most of my family is in Maryland and most of his family is in PA. More and more when I watch these shows and I see how overly complicated weddings can be, the more it makes me want to elope. I know I want my immediate family there and so does he. The elopement package I found gives you a ceremony for up to 20 people and you get pictures and dinner for just the new hubby and I. Part of me feels kind of bad having his family come from PA (2 1/2 hours) let alone my brother who lives in KY and one of his sisters whose family lives in MI to just come for a ceremony and not get fed. Here are my reasons why I want to do this.
1. I want it to be my day. Calm, peaceful and most of all romantic. Who ever shows up shows up if not we’ll send you a photo but it’s about my FH and I.
2. Some of his family didn’t like me at first because I was black and although it’s gotten better i’m a bit nervous about spending a lot of time with the parts of his family that probably won’t come around
3. I don’t want people drinking and acting a fool at our wedding especially because of the previously mentioned drama and my family will not take to kindly to someone saying something horrible
4. The less vendors I have to keep track of the better.
5. The price is phenomenal and it’s exactly where i’ve dreamed of getting married!
6. Did i mention it is our day? I want them to be apart of it but we have the rest of our lives to do family stuff.
So I’m eager to see what you all think. If you think it is rude if you could please give me some suggestions how to accommodate everyone? Maybe take everyone out to dinner after the ceremony idk?
Post # 3
I think if people travel for your wedding, you have to provide them with a meal. There are a bunch of ways to do that without spending a million dollars…so good luck!
Post # 4
I think this is a difficult one. On one hand you can tell people upfront that it’s just a ceremony with no reception at all. Let them decide. However you may have people who are going to come no matter what who will be a little put off without any sort of celebration after.
I know if it was someone I was close to/immediate family, I would drive 2 1/2 hours no problem just to watch a ceremony. I would be a little upset but I would do it.
Post # 5
It’s your wedding and you can do whatever you want…. just remember that they can do whatever they want as well, if they decide that’s a long way to go for just a ceremony and decline.
We attended DH’s sister’s destination wedding in Hawaii and she was originally planning a situation like you’re referring to, and kept bragging about how much money she’d be saving, and how all she really wanted was to get married barefoot on the beach. I thought that was kind of rude, because it was definitely expected that we be there by his parents. Yeah, it cost us more to ATTEND their wedding than to THROW ours, so it was a little annoying.
Post # 6
@dollface313: I agree with @peachacid. I would be very irritated if I came all that way for a wedding and didn’t get dinner (especially if the bride and groom went off to dinner alone, that seems odd). You can still make it about you two while hosting your guests. Good luck!
Post # 7
If you don’t want people getting drunk, you don’t have to have a big party reception, but if people are travelling that far for your wedding, the least you can do is take them to a restaurant and provide them with a meal. Yes, it is about you and your FI…but if you start inviting other people then you need to be a good host. And what you are describing is being a pretty terrible host, sorry.
Post # 8
@dollface313: you dont need to have an elaborate reception, but a local restaurant would be a good idea. its a bit harsh to make people drive for a ceremony, and then send them off by themselves immediately afterwards
or a cake and punch reception for an hour…but something would be better, in my honest opinion
Post # 9
If you truly want it to be about the two of you (and trust me, I can relate) then I think you should have a true elopement. Once you start inviting people, you have a responsibility to host them. By all means, announce that you’re having a simple elopment ceremony only and if people say that they want to witness it, cool. If not, also cool. But I would consider it world class SHADE to receive an invitation to an event, be expected to travel for it and then not be fed. It would show me that the couple truly didn’t care whether I attended. And…if you don’t, better to just go with your first mind and elope.
Post # 10
Thanks for the insight. I honestly would love to have a ceremony but I’m really afraid that it’s gonna be a s**tshow. It’s not just his family I’m worried about it’s mine too. I don’t want it to be all or nothing and I don’t want it to be something that gets ruined by some fool getting drunk and causing a scene cause it is VERY likely to happen. Just thinking about all the bad things that could happen makes me just want to run away with him and elope and not have anyone there but that’s not what we want either. IDk it’s just not really a good situation…
Post # 11
@dollface313: You could limit the options to wine and beer, just have a champagne toast, or not have any alcohol at all. But I would think it was the height of selfishness if I had to drive hours to go to someone’s wedding and they couldn’t even be arsed to feed me cake, punch and chalky mints. It’s your day, but if it were me, I’d AT LEAST do cake/punch.
Post # 12
@dollface313: remember, dearypie. Even if you run off and get married, you won’t be able to run forever. I do hope you’re not eloping to avoid addressing something that needs to be taken care of in advance of joining your families together.
Post # 14
Either elope just the two of you or plan some sort of accomodation for your guests. The day is about you, but you are hosting an even that people wil lbe spending money and time to attend. It doesn’t have to be fancy and it doesn’t have to include alcohol. Otherwise make it just the two of you.
Post # 15
It sounds like you want to elope…so that seems like a reasonable plan minus the guests. Maybe do small receptions back home shortly after your elopement?
Post # 16
@overjoyed that is exactly what doing… its taken 2 1/2 years for part of his family to accept me. Things have gotten a lot better but its ef not where it needs to be. My family is not to keen on how I’ve been treated. I want nothing more then to have everyone together and celebrate but I think its ownright delusinal to expect peace. So the idea is so selfish but I have only the best intentiions. and I apologize for all the spelling errors replying on my phone :/