- 3 years ago
- Wedding: August 2015
After much debate over whether we were going to have a small wedding or elope, we have pretty much decided that we want to elope in Vegas. We’ve looked into everything from an intimate beach wedding along Lake Michigan to eloping in Chicago, and Vegas is the only thing that has really felt right for us. Low stress, affordable and it sounds like it’ll be a ton of fun. FI is completely on board.
I was a bit nervous about running this idea past my family, since I figured my mom would want a traditional wedding for me. But she was very supportive of our desire to elope. When I mentioned we were thinking of eloping in Vegas (at the time we had been debating between Vegas and Chicago), to my surprise my dad said he would love to go out there, and would pay the way for himself, my mother and my youngest sister. When I talked to my other sister, she also said she and her husband would be willing to fly out to Vegas. Again, completely not expecting my family to join us, but since they are willing I would love to have them there.
Here’s where we run into a problem. My FI was raised by his grandparents, who are both in their 80s. Obviously if my family is coming out, we’d want his family there too. But they live in Indiana, and a trip to Vegas would be quite a trip for them. His grandmother does not fly, so they’d either have to drive or take a train. To make matters worse, I’m confident his father and step-mother would come out to Vegas if we invited them, and if they were driving they could take his grandparents. But his grandma hates his step-mom. We know for a fact she would not travel with them, even if it was the best option (she refused to call her for a ride when their car broke down one day). And if his step-mom was at our wedding but not his grandma? I don’t think she’d ever forgive us.
My FI talked to his grandma today and tried to get a feel on her thoughts about our potential wedding plans. First he said we were thinking of eloping, and he said she sounded pretty disappointed at the idea of not being there. Then he casually brought up possibly doing it in Vegas and having people there, and tried to see how she felt about going out there. She said they’d either have to take a train or drive — my FI is willing to pay for their way for a train (we don’t think it’s safe for them to drive), but that is still a long time on train. I don’t know if they could handle that/go through with it.
I’m really torn about this. I don’t want to exclude his grandparents, but I also don’t want to tell my family they can’t come out when they’re willing to. My father is also paying for whatever we do, so it just doesn’t seem right to say, “Hey dad, we’re getting married in Vegas, we know you want to come but you can’t because not everyone can be there and that’s not fair. By the way, the bill is going to be (insert dollar amount). Thanks.”
I’m thinking maybe we can still elope, just the two of us, and then go out with whoever is in Vegas to celebrate afterwards, something his grandparents probably wouldn’t want to partake in anyway. But that seems really odd that my family would be there and not see us get married. The other idea I have is doing the official stuff in Vegas, and then having a small, “vow reneweal” type of thing back in Indiana for his grandparents. We can get dressed back up, go to a park and do the whole thing over again. But I’m worried his grandma would still be upset she wasn’t there for the real thing.
I feel like I’m being selfish, but this is our wedding, that we have to plan, and my heart is totally set on Vegas. The whole reason I wanted to do Vegas was to avoid stress and drama, and it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen now.
Anybody deal with a similar situation, or have any advice to offer?