Destination Guilt

posted 3 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Sure, I think most people who do DWs feel this way at some point.

Here are a few quesitions to ask yourself:

 1) will most people have to travel no matter where you hold the wedding?  This is often the case for people who’s families are spread out.

 2) What do your VIP people think about doing a DW?  Are they on board, or are they tenative?  These are the only people who you are sort of “forcing” to travel, since for some it’s a forgon conclusion that they’ll do whatever they can to be there.

Post # 4
25 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014

I am having a DW from central IL to Disney World. FH’s family is from Chicago and mine is in NC.  It didnt matter where we had the wedding it’d be destination for atleast some people. That being said we chose neutral ground.  My family doesnt have as much money, so we chose somewhere within 8 hours driving distance.

I have found that most people will make a mini vacation about the whole thing. All that distance and we’ll still have about 40 people.  We treated it like a regular wedding and invited everyone.

People will do what they can do to support you. Dont worry about it.

Post # 5
2358 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just today I heard some lady in the elevator griping about going to a destination wedding and she said “who comes up with these crazy ideas?” I didnt say anything but i actually found it offensive. Just because it’s not what she would pick doesn’t make it crazy. LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of couples have destinations chosen for their weddings. OP, u have the wedding YOU want, and know that no matter what u plan, u will never be able to satisfy everyone. Ever. Don’t sacrifice ur dream over guilt. Because other ppl will get over it, but ur memories of ur wedding will last a lifetime, and u don’t want to regret ur wedding over one or two crabby ppl who dont like the idea.

Post # 6
1 posts

I had the same feeling of guilt. John and I were so desperate to have a destination wedding ever since we fell in love. We had secretly made plans for that but travelling turned out to be one major concern. John’s mom is sick and she can’t travel anytime soon and hence we had to give up our idea of a destination wedding! We have now fixed on a wedding venue in Toronto! We are sad that we had to give it up and pretty okay with it as its all for his mom. 

Post # 7
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@hellomamabird:  yes, the guilt will be there, but like PPs said- if some/many/most of your guests live close to the destination, it’s fine.  or if some/many/most of your VIP guests are okay traveling to the lcoation, it’s fine.  

Your wedding doesn’t sound like a destination wedding to me- it sounds like you’re getting married in your hometown – that’s pretty different and is usually perceived differently.  Your friends in your current city might even be expecting to travel to your hometown for your wedding.  Is that common in your circle?  For us, we live on one coast, but I grew up on the other- tons of my friends where we live now expected that we’d have a wedding on the other coast and other friends had weddings where the bride grew up, so it wasn’t a problem at all.

we’re doing welcome bags and trying to do tons to be really considerate to our guests and we’re being very understanding to the situations of the ppl who can’t make it.

Post # 8
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@hellomamabird:  If you are getting married in your hometown, are some of the guests local?  I usually don’t think of hometown weddings as destination weddings at all.

Post # 9
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@hellomamabird:  I do feel some guilt because most of our guests are local to where we live, and we’re asking them to spend a lot of time and money traveling internationally. However, a DW felt right for us, and we confirmed that our VIPs could attend before finalizing our location.

Your situation sounds different though, since you want to get married in your hometown. Like PP, I don’t consider that a true DW, and I think most people would understand you wanting to get married in your hometown, especially if both you and your FI grew up there.

Post # 10
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@hellomamabird:  I do feel some guilt, but for us, it doesn’t matter where we get married, someone’s family will be traveling. Instead of us deciding mine vs. his, we decided to have them all travel. We’re doing more of a “combined family vacation” DW spread over a 5-7 days. We’ve also come to realize it’s going to cost us a bit more (we’re paying part of everyone’s room and planned activities) so we don’t feel guilty with everyone spending so much on travel and accommodations. We are still waiting for a couple VIPs to confirm with us before we officially lock in the venue. Pretty stressful and the main reason we have procrastinated on everything else.

Your situation is a bit different, though. It might be a destination for your attendees, but it’s your hometown. I don’t think people will be as reluctant as they might be for say an island destination wedding. 

Post # 10
35 posts
  • Wedding: August 2014 - Istanbul, Turkey

Im getting married in my fiances hometown in another country…and suprisingly mamy are excited about it and are spending thousands to come.  If they dont want to come they wont

Post # 11
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

A bit, yes, but the only way for FI and I to get married without anyone having to take a plane ride would be for us to elope locally since everyone is from out of town and our families are from different states.  We just figure those who want to come will come, and honestly most people that we’ve talked to are excited about it :-)!  Now that FI and I are moving we’ll also have to fly back here for the wedding and we’ll likely be the furthest away, so its not like we’re asking our guests to do something we aren’t doing ourselves! 

Post # 12
44 posts
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m from Europe and we are getting there which means FI’s family will have to travel. I didn’t feel quilty at first because his family is pretty excited we are getting married in the church my parents married in and having a reception in a small castle so it will be an experience. However, when he heard that his grandparents most likely won’t make it I felt horrible. I know how sad this makes him 🙁 

Post # 13
3432 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

If you’re getting married where you live, it’s not actually a DW.  There is no way you can make a wedding convenient for every guest, unless everyone lives in the same town, which is quite unusual these days.

Post # 14
245 posts
Helper bee

I’m from Scotland in UK & even before me and my partner were engaged we’d always decided on a destination wedding, the weather over here can be horrendous even in ‘summer’ so it was out of the question planning for a year and paying all that money to have a soggy reception and umbrellas in our photos!! We are being married in a private finca in Majorca, Spain, we’ve been to Majorca lots and we just love it, it’s also only 2.5 hours flying time for family!The only time I felt a pang of guilt was when people were having to use a big chunk of annual leave from work as they will all be there for around 5 days, apart from that, no way! it’s your day and I’m sure the people who matter will be happy you’re having the day you’ve dreamed of, nobody else matters in my opinion! I couldn’t think of anything worse than having 150 people at my wedding the majority of whom we only invited out of courtesy. We’re off to Cuba for 2 weeks the day after the wedding, now I WOULD have felt guilty asking guests to come to a wedding there as the flight is so long and expensive, but I think your wedding plans sound perfectly reasonable since it’s in your home town, a lot of guests would have anticipated that already, why do you feel guilty?

Post # 15
705 posts
Busy bee

I do a little bit. We asked people a year ago if they would want to go. We tried to give people plenty of time. We have had some people tell us they can’t go and I have no hard feelings if someone can’t attend. I had no choice really in a DW though cause my fiancé and I are from opposite ends of the country. I just did the best I could for our guests and us. Oh and made sure I gave them an open bar. ha. 

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