destination troubles.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@carlypaige:  Oh no, I am so sorry that your friends can’t make it.  🙁  I am also having a destination wedding so I understand how upsetting it is when someone you really want to be there can’t come.  Unfortunately that is the risk you take having a destination wedding… can you have a small celebration when you return and have your friends there or anyone else who can’t make it to the destination wedding?

Post # 4
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@carlypaige:  I feel your pain. Unfortunately that is the drawback of DW’s. We had friends that said they wouldn’t miss the wedding, but one of DH’s college friend’s wife got pregnant and had the baby about a month before our wedding. My best friend got a new job with limited vacation time and didn’t want to take off days since they have a toddler and she was worried she would need to reserve those days for in case she had to stay at home with him if he got sick, etc. 

Post # 5
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sorry your friends can’t come! But it’s in the nature of the beast… A LOT of people can’t afford the trip!

Can you have a big BBQ when you get home?

Post # 6
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

@carlypaige:  We had the same situation. Our best friends in the world (a couple) are going through a tough time financially, so we paid for their tickets to get there. Maybe that is an option for you for your very best friend? Something to consider. It was expecially important for me, since my sister decided not to come, to have my best friend there to support me.

Another idea is to have a price alert sent to your email from Kayak or other similafr websites and let them know when it goes on sale.

I hope you can get it worked out!

 

P.S. Are you certain it’s a financial issue?

Post # 7
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@carlypaige:  I’m sorry they can’t make it, but I think you were being a little unrealistic if you thought you had the right or the power to tell your invitees how they were going to spend (or save) $70 per pay check. 26 pay checks x $70 is $1820 each. For a couple -$3640.

That’s more than many people spend on their annual vacations and more than some spent on their own wedding!

Destination weddings shift more of the cost of a wedding onto the guests. There are usually less of them, so the couple pays less for meals etc, but the guests pay way more to attend.

This is the chance you took when you decided to have a destination wedding.

Post # 8
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@carlypaige:  Sorry you’re feeling let down, but I think expecting friends and even family members to attend a destination wedding is asking a lot. Your doing the math for your friends may not have added up for them. 

Post # 9
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

I’m a bit older than most, and probably have a little more disposable income, but I would not spend ~1800 to go to a wedding for more than maybe 1 person I know.   That could be a big chunk towards funding a retirement account for the year.

Unfortunately, the way you think of those  70.00 per pay period is different than the way your friends and family think of it.  It’s OK to be sad about it, but gracefully accept their answer and don’t ask them about it  (I’d get pissy too if I felt harassed about my decision).  I’m sorry you’re feeling the downside to a destination wedding.

Post # 10
Member
2057 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

I’m also a DW bride; though mine involves driving primarily. However, I would echo PPs that your best friends may have got different financial priorities.

If they’re also your bridesmaids, it will be more than $2k since they would have to spend on hotel, dresses, throw you a shower and a stagette. It can easily add up.

Post # 11
Member
7285 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@julies1949:  +1   and dont count other peoples money, it never ends well.

Post # 12
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@fascinated:  +1. And I plan on being a DW bride….who will compassionately and sincerely understand with no bitterness or disappointment when invitations are turned Dow.  We’ll ok I may be disappointed bit I will in Norway express that disappointment in a way that elicits guilt. And I will repeat all of this to myself in front of the mirror daily for the next 21 months. 

Post # 13
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I am a DW bride and while I understand your disappointment, this is something that comes with the territory of having a DW. We chose to have a DW to keep the guest list under control and to keep certain family members from trying to take over. The upshot is that our guest count dropped drastically about two months ago due to unavoidable health issues.

While this is disappointing we just have to accept it. It is what it is.

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