Post # 1
I am getting married in Haiti. I know who I want my bridesmaids to be, but I also know that one of the girls is likely not coming because she’ll have a 4 month old and also because of finances. Should I still ask her to be in my wedding, knowing that it would cause her great difficulty to do so? I don’t want her to feel like she has to spend the money and leave her child for a long weekend because I want her to be in the wedding. But I also don’t want her to feel like I don’t value our friendship enough to ask her. I’m really struggling with what to do.
What is the right thing to do?
Post # 3
That is a tough one. I understand how you don’t want to make her feel pressured since she does have responsiblities.
I think you have to base your decision on your friend herself– is she the kind of person who would be realistic about her ability to attend your wedding? Or is she more impulsive and would say, “yeah, great idea! I would love to be in your wedding!” without thinking about it?
Assuming you think she is thoughtful enough to be realistic, then I would just ask her straight out, (and let her make the decision herself,) emphasising very strongly that you understand if she can’t attend, but you do want to let her know how important her friendship is, so you will just let her decide herself and be perfectly fine if she doesn’t think she can handle it.
Post # 4
I would just be really honest with her and say something like “our friendship is really important to me and I would love to have you as a bridesmaid. But I know that having a four month old would probably make it really difficult for you to come. Honestly I will not be offended or hurt at all if you can’t make it. I just wanted you to know that in a perfect world I would love to have you be one of my BMs.” I wouldn’t bring up her finances because that can be a touchy subject.
Post # 5
Thanks. You were both very helpful and I know exactly what I’ll say to her now. I appreciate your help!